This is where it comes down to. I was thinking about this for a moment. If I become a transsexual, then I will be rejected by my whole family. There's no question about that. I'm ashamed of it, but I'm not at the same time if that makes sense.

I don't even want to tell them, since I don't want to face it, but it's that kind of family. I don't care about any of them either, except for my mother. I want to live my life to the fullest, since I am young enough to do so and enjoy it (19).

How did you dealt with it?

No one alive knows. I had them all transported somewhere dangerous.

It's an arrangement that has worked well.

I never told anyone I thought wouldn't handle it well. The bright ones figured it out fairly quick.


JohnR's method sounds equally as effective, if not more. 

It's been said here many times, you have to live your life for you. You will deal with it in your own way, what worked for others will end up meaning little. Just do what you have to do.

Well so far everyone that know about me is fine with it. Their biggest concern is for my wife and kids. (I guess they figure I won't be able to provide for them as a woman or something.) I still fear the big explosions of anger and hate but so far none. People are surprised. My gay cousin told me "I was the last one he would ever suspect" and that shocked the hell out of me because I figured I had been leaving clues all these years.

I saw some advice online that suggested that you consider how the family has reacted to news of a similar proportion in the past as an indication of how they will reaction to the new news. You might also consider using the "salami tactic" where you slice the big truth up into pieces and feed it to them a little at a time.

It really depends on your family but as I started transition at 37 it was with the knowledge that I may very well loose everything that is dear to me in life. I was able to hold off this long trying all different tactics but it still took me to my knees. I suggest you try to accept it at your age and get the medical help you need instead of waiting for acceptance.

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 23, 2011, 01:57:46 PM
This is where it comes down to. I was thinking about this for a moment. If I become a transsexual, then I will be rejected by my whole family. There's no question about that. I'm ashamed of it, but I'm not at the same time if that makes sense.

I don't even want to tell them, since I don't want to face it, but it's that kind of family. I don't care about any of them either, except for my mother. I want to live my life to the fullest, since I am young enough to do so and enjoy it (19).

How did you dealt with it?

Well firstly you don't really "become" transsexual. You already are that, it is just that others get to find out what you already know.

Secondly you actually dont know for sure what the reactions will be and whatever they are I guarantee that they will be different from what you expect.

Thirdly you answered your own question in your last para. You want to live you life to the fullest since you are young enough to do so. So quite worrying about what ifs that will probably only ever happen in your nightmares and get on a find out what REALLY happens. Live you life.

How did I deal with it? Well like everyone here I faced my demons and I did what I needed to do.

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 23, 2011, 01:57:46 PM
This is where it comes down to. I was thinking about this for a moment. If I become a transsexual, then

Quote from: rejennyrated on April 23, 2011, 05:15:02 PM
Well firstly you don't really "become" transsexual. You already are that, it is just that others get to find out what you already know.

Secondly you actually dont know for sure what the reactions will be and whatever they are I guarantee that they will be different from what you expect.

Thirdly you answered your own question in your last para. You want to live you life to the fullest since you are young enough to do so. So quite worrying about what ifs that will probably only ever happen in your nightmares and get on a find out what REALLY happens. Live you life.

How did I deal with it? Well like everyone here I faced my demons and I did what I needed to do.

Well said Jenny.

Jenny, you took the words right out of my mouth. You don't become transexual, you either are or aren't. It's not something you do like becoming a doctor, actor, or a firefighter. It simply does not work that way.

At some point, I think the majority of people on this watery ball of mud, come to the same conclusion. You have to live your life for YOU... and no one else. Also, life is simply far to short to be unhappy. So enjoy yourself.

Check out this thread from my blog: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,91114.0.html.  I also expected my family to reject me, and they didn't (see also this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,97229.0.html).  And this one: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,84622.0.html.

Bottom line, people will surprise you.  Especially if they love you.  Take heart, it doesn't HAVE to be all tragedy.

Quote from: rejennyrated on April 23, 2011, 05:15:02 PM
Well firstly you don't really "become" transsexual. You already are that, it is just that others get to find out what you already know.

Secondly you actually dont know for sure what the reactions will be and whatever they are I guarantee that they will be different from what you expect.

Thirdly you answered your own question in your last para. You want to live you life to the fullest since you are young enough to do so. So quite worrying about what ifs that will probably only ever happen in your nightmares and get on a find out what REALLY happens. Live you life.

How did I deal with it? Well like everyone here I faced my demons and I did what I needed to do.

I also shrugged at the statement "if I become a Transsexual" I thought about it in the same manner you did.

One difference though, I new I was different then many other men and somewhat figured I was a Transsexual but fought it for many years. I tried to be a typical man like the other 100 million or so. It wasn't until I accepted myself that then I became a Transsexual.

Shelly

Don't live your life according to others' expectations, whether it's your family, or anyone else in your life. Find out who you are, accept yourself just the way you are--whether you are transsexual, or not--and work towards becoming the person you want to be. Whether this means transitioning, or simply becoming a better person (by living more in line with your morals/ideals/whatever, etc.,), just be who you feel that you are. The way I see it, it doesn't matter whether people reject you or accept you, as long as you accept yourself and live the life you've always wanted to live. Rejection sucks, but there's so much more to life than basing your self-worth on others' perceptions and judgments of you.

If your family does reject you, find people who accept you and become closer to them. Contrary to popular belief, just because certain people happen to be related to you doesn't mean you have to be stuck with them for the rest of your life. When you have friends who love you just the way you are, you don't need a biological family to emotionally rely on. That's my take on it, anyway 

Hi Wild Flower,

While you are here in life you have to live to make yourself happy.  You can also love your family but they aren't necessarily going to love you back.  The only definately link you have to them is genetics.  If they love you back when you decide to tell them wonderful.  If they don't and decide to reject you then you can move away to happier places and the situation is over.  There is no reason to honor anyone that is not honorable to you.

in context it appeared to me that saying "become transsexual" was just Wild Flower's way of saying "if I transition" (the verb).  Anyway that's how I understood it.

Just about everyone who does transition faces the risk of rejection. I completely lost most of my (birth) family. I still talk to my mom but none of my 3 siblings, or any other family. At least I didn't have a wife or any children to put through it, but I did lose 2 of my best friends, both female- I took "him" away from them slowly by degrees and finally it just became too much for them to bear anymore.  It hurt them, and it hurt me- but I had to know that if I hadn't I would have ended up in a far worse place. So I cried, and I moved on.

Transitioning isn't something to be taken lightly; there are many obstacles that some never surmount, or decide they'd rather not. The only real cure for me was major surgery, so these aren't easy decisions to make. But only you know who you really are inside, and only you know can hear the voice of your own heart and follow where it may lead you. Friends, even family, may come and go, but you have to live with yourself for your whole life, and it isn't being selfish if you choose to be happy, no matter what that means for you.

It is so variable. I have not lost any of my family or a single friend, not that I had many. I have gained so many new friends. I know have to go out to dinner etc. I never had that before. The friend who was a bit negative, later told me that she had always fancied me, and hoped that one day we could have got together. I gently explained that I wasn't a lesbian, and I knew she wasn't either. We are back to being friends again. This time girl friends and we share more stuff than we ever did before.

At some point the need for me to live outwardly as Cindy became overwhelming. If no one had accepted me it would have been difficult, but it wouldn't have changed anything, I had to survive and this was the way I have to live.

Cindy   

Quote from: CindyJames on April 24, 2011, 02:11:21 AMI have gained so many new friends.

This is a good point and very true for me as well, though I didn't mention it before. Thanks Cindy for reminding me

All correct, you don't become a transsexual, just get to a point were you accept who you are, give up the fight and deal with it.  I came to the decision if I lost family and friends so be it.  It was deal with who I am or don't be here.  Luckily all family and some friends accepted. 

Yes there were lots of tears, yes it was damn emotional and yes there was times of extreme anxiety were I questioned myself on whether the whole process was worth the stress.  However, a short think about the dark place I had lived my entire life against the brightness I was experiencing soon pointed me in the right direction. 

Since, there has been new relationships with family who had become distant over the years and new friendships made.   

Fear in transitioning is something we all face, it's finding the strength to deal with it which is probably the hardest part of the transition process.  How we face and deal with it is very individual.

My own background, when I was in my teens and 20s was very similar to that which you describe.

I tried so very hard to fit in with them all. To accommodate them. To put up with all the crap they threw at me.

The reality was it was all pointless. It was always obvious what I am.

The fact that I was scared to be who I am in their presence, the fact that I even considered the possibility that they might reject me, should have shown me that I never had a real relationship with any of them. That I was always sitting on the edge. They it was just a matter of time when they found an(other) excuse to kick me down.

Ask yourself, what sort of 'family' imposes such conditions on its members?

My choice was never about losing them. I never had them. My choice was to live accoding to my own needs or continue to be their comedy puppet, dancing to their tune, allowing myself to be humiliated.

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 23, 2011, 01:57:46 PM
This is where it comes down to. I was thinking about this for a moment. If I become a transsexual, then I will be rejected by my whole family. There's no question about that. I'm ashamed of it, but I'm not at the same time if that makes sense.

I don't even want to tell them, since I don't want to face it, but it's that kind of family. I don't care about any of them either, except for my mother. I want to live my life to the fullest, since I am young enough to do so and enjoy it (19).

How did you dealt with it?

I would suggest you get some counselling before you make the jump.

Your thoughts on the matter seem to have been quite limited reading your comments. You need to be certain that you are a woman before you start on the path to become what you are.

On a side note you do not become a transsexual you will already be one and you will know it.

Catherine is right in suggesting some counselling before you make any major decisions.  A well regarded specialist in Gender issues too, not just a general therapist. 
They will be able to help you sort out your uncertainties so that you can best cope with them.  They won't just tell you what to do, their job is to help you understand yourself and show you the options available.
This doesn't neccessarily have to mean going to the point of SRS and a total identity change either.  There are lots of points along the spectrum of gender identity and expression which may suit you more comfortably.
Main thing is, you are not alone in this situation.
Karen.

Another vote for counselling.  For what its worth, I felt the same way at first.  OK for 30 years I thought I would be rejected by everyone, once they knew my deep dark secret.  Funny thing was, when I reached the point where I had to come out, Only a few people people rejected me.  Most were supportive.  The few lost were not major, and really I've made so many new friends after. 

It's not always easy at first, yet if I had to do it all over I still would.

What ever you decide, let it be because its what you want.

Beni

Probably likely to be a lot less separation from family and friends than moving to the other side of the country for good.