I don't know if any of you saw my post from last night (I deleted it earlier), but it was about my dad.

I said that I couldn't come out to him because I promised my mom that I wouldn't say anything (I think she's ashamed of me.)

Anyway, I was in the car with him about an hour ago because we had gone to a museum today, and he said, "So, do you mind if I ask how far your look is going? 'Cause I've noticed you've been cutting your hair shorter, and your clothes, and you're wearing something to hide your chest...is this a permanent thing or is it a phase or what? I'm just curious."

I said that I didn't know, because I still tried keeping my promise that I wouldn't say anything. If he guessed for himself, it wasn't really saying anything, right?

He then went on to say that he still loves me no matter what I do. He asked what my mom has said about it, and I said that she doesn't want to hear about it.

Then, he laughed about it, saying that he didn't want to answer all of my grandmother's questions about me that he'll get tomorrow because my grandparents are coming to visit for Easter.

I'm really nervous. My grandparents are very conservative and aren't even okay with people who aren't white or Christian.

So I don't know how the hell they'll react to a gay or transgender person in their family (seeing as I'm bisexual and transgender, I suppose they'll have to deal with both.)

While my dad's reaction is good news, I'm still feeling sick. LOL I wasn't prepared for that at all. Actually, I had originally been expecting him to hate it because the rest of his family isn't okay with anybody who isn't straight, white, and/or Christian, and he has a habit of going with whatever his family does and says. However, I'm his only biological kid, so I think he'll defend me.

Hopefully.

Just needed to get this out. Feel free to respond.

I'm glad for you.

Now stop lying to him to please your mother. He's the one who has earned your respect.

QuoteI'm glad for you.

Now stop lying to him to please your mother. He's the one who has earned your respect.

This.

Your mother has done absolutely nothing for you to promise her anything like this, your father however seems to be seriously interested in what's going on with you. He's opened himself up and asked you what could be a dangerous question, and you owe it to him to tell him (if that's what you want, and it seems like it is) the truth about you. This is your chance to have a supportive parent, something a lot of guys and gals on here don't have. He's noticed the change in your looks, he's even noticed your chest, something most parents are too in denial to do. He sounds amazing to me, and the rest of that side of the family doesn't matter. He's your dad, and it's obvious he cares more about what's going on with you than your mother.

Let him understand you, perhaps he can help.

As for your grandparents, this is going to sound harsh, but screw them. If they have a problem with you, don't see them. Don't talk to them, don't send them Christmas cards. If they love you, they'll want you in their life and do what's necessary to keep you that way, even if it means accepting someone outside of their cultural or religious 'norm'. If they can't do that, then you don't need them, end of story.

Quote from: JohnR on April 23, 2011, 01:35:22 PM
I'm glad for you.

Now stop lying to him to please your mother. He's the one who has earned your respect.

Agree.  I think you don't need to hide yourself from him.  Who is that benefiting.  Why does your mother not want him to know? 

Quote from: Devyn on April 23, 2011, 01:25:04 PMI said that I couldn't come out to him because I promised my mom that I wouldn't say anything (I think she's ashamed of me.)

What the others said above. And what I also say is: it's your mum's shame, not yours. You need neither be proud nor ashamed, you just need to be you. Your dad seems open to that, let him in and yourself out. In the long run, his positive response to you will not only give you confidence (which I think makes it easier for others to respond positively) but may help your mother deal with her feelings, which will help the two of you - but her feelings are not your responsibility.