I met a nice guy on line. Love to chat with him, profile I like.
Last message? "I hope you can be discrete".

The last guy I went with for a while said this too. He'd ignore me in public. He hated it when I'd call his house.

I know I'm not that young or pretty but come on...

it is common code for "I'm stepping out on a wife/husband/SO and I don't want them to know."  In other words, code for 'not a person to waste further time with.' 

It is NOT worth trying to read too much into beyond that. 

The reality is that a lot of the dating that comes from online meetings tends to be destined not to succeed even in this day and age...a quick walk through Craigslist will confirm that for ya

Or maybe he's living at home..."MOM!!!!  I'M ON THE PHONE!!!!"

Quote from: Ann Onymous on April 24, 2011, 06:32:23 PM
a quick walk through Craigslist will confirm that for ya

I'll end up on a beach in Long Island 
Your right though. They are either married or gay, and I dont have the parts for the second on that list.

So I'll date Bob (#2) and dream of Juan (#3).

I know neither one of them lives with their Mom 

I have to agree with Ann, 'not a person to waste further time with.'

I've had some success with online dating sites- the serious ones, not the freak show ones. I've met guys on there who made it clear they only wanted sex, but also so far a couple of decent guys just looking for companionship. I did make it clear on my profile I was only interested in single guys, but you still have to weed out the bad ones.

As for being discrete, well, that's entirely up to you

Online dating sites i've been on have guys, that are in a sense pigs. They can bluff pretty good too.

I've stumbled upon a few Transgender dating sites. I avoid the ones with 'dirty' pictures. But, i generally always see guys that are obvious pigs, and certain guys that bluff well. Sometimes there's obvious signs, like semi nude pictures, over 20 or so other 'friends', or as you've said, 'wanting to be discrete'.

My advice is just to take things slow, no need to rush, and don't easily fool for someone so quickly. A lot of people seem to.

Defintely a red flag and one to be vary wary of.

From the sound of your description, I'd say you deserve better Julie.

Can you reply, "No, sorry, I don't do discretion." ?

All good points.
This guy works at the same place I do, I can see his building from my office 

Thanks for the advice. 5:22 am. Gotta get ready for work.

lol Valerie is in rare form

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 25, 2011, 05:07:59 AMDoes that mean no perfume???  That would be over the line for me.

What about lotion? Is that okay? Nope, too smelly. Or hair conditioner... hm...

If your a smoker, your gonna have to quit. And no garlic the day of. Lipstick, thats borderline... gotta be real careful, its like dynamite.

Even foundation, eek, what if it rubs off onto his clothes. Nope, cant wear that.

If your a good girl you would scrub down before every meeting with a disinfectant. Maybe he'd want to use a hose before touching you.

You should ask them how sterile you have to be. Hazmat suits would work, yep that should trick the wife.

Quote from: Ann Onymous on April 24, 2011, 06:32:23 PM
it is common code for "I'm stepping out on a wife/husband/SO and I don't want them to know."  In other words, code for 'not a person to waste further time with.' 

It is NOT worth trying to read too much into beyond that. 

The reality is that a lot of the dating that comes from online meetings tends to be destined not to succeed even in this day and age...a quick walk through Craigslist will confirm that for ya

This is exactly the way it is

i was on a dating site for a short time before i fell in love with someone, i was flooded with offers and the vast majority fell under the "discrete" banner

totally not worth the time of day, who wants to be the dirty little secret, unless you just after release ofcourse

Quote from: Vanna on April 25, 2011, 07:37:59 AM
who wants to be the dirty little secret

BTDT. Not as much fun as it seems.
I sent him a note saying happy hunting.
I really dont understand why guys are like the. Maybe wemen do it too, I dont know.

Sigh 

Quote from: juliemac on April 26, 2011, 04:18:37 AM

I really dont understand why guys are like the. Maybe wemen do it too, I dont know.

yeah, they do.  More often than not, it is some gal claiming to be bi-curious but does not want hubby/boyfried no, but I have also seen more than one instance of it being a Shane wannabe (L Word fans know what I mean).  Not that I have anything against someone being a player, but Shane was as far from discrete as it got  

And, again, a quick walk through CL will demonstrate my point...

Yes, women do it too, unfortunately.

For *some* men, it might be bigotry and a lack of confidence in their own identity.  But regardless, you don't want to deal with their baggage - you deserve better.  The same goes if it was due to having a wife, or whatever else.  Anyone that wants you to not express yourself as *YOU* want is not worth dealing with.

And there are men out there who will love to be with you, with you being who you are, as loud or as quiet as YOU want to be.

I told him I was looking for a relationship, so thanks, and happy hunting