I've accepted that my mom won't accept me and might not get over it, and I'm sure my aunt will, but I'm now concerned about the rest of my family. I thought my trip to Thailand would help me come out, but it made things worse! I haven't seen my extended family in 6 years, what I want is to move to Thailand to be closer to them, and now all of a sudden their opinion matters to me.

I'm scared of how my other aunt will react, she acted so friendly and loving this trip. I fantasize about me and my cousin being great friends and hitting the streets of Bankok shopping at every store, mall, or shop we see, but I'm terrified of how she'll feel about me because she kind of makes fun of 'ladyboys'. She recently got married to this great guy I sorta befriended who helps her take care of her 6 year old daughter she had from a previous relationship, and I'm sure this will definitely wreck whatever friendship we have whether he accepts me or not. In fact, now that I think about it I'm concerned about my male friends in general. And then there's my brother, he was friendly but I didn't even talk to him that much this trip because I was afraid to open up to him. I really hope that changes, my mom told me that he asked on the phone a few months ago if I was gay or a 'real man', I'm not sure what that means about his feelings if he found out.

I just don't want to do this to them, I don't wanna change their outlook on me. But I can't imagine any future I'll have if I continue living like this.

Originally I began typing this in a Taiwanese airport, but this nosy freshman girl I was traveling with decided to come over so I had to close it. Airport bathrooms are DISGUSTING btw.

Hi Trisha.

Your Aunt seemed to be the key to you opening up about yourself. But some doubts have crept in. Other than that, from your descriptions, the rest of yur family seems to be a non-starter.

I can really understand your position. You accept that your relationships will change. But it's really difficult to face up to complete loss of them all. It's also true that many will be guided by a few strong ones. So, having an ally can mean you will keep connections with several. But not having at least one is likely to mean complete loss of them all.

What to do?

Difficult. Your brother seems to have taken a rather unambiguous stance, probably to please your mother.

I can say, that others, including myself, have been in similar situations. The problem I would have advising you is your Asian cultural background. I know Asian people tend to have a much stronger connection with their families than western Europeans do. That can also reflect upon how other relate to you.

How well do you think you can thrive if you are cut off from your family, completely?

Not at all?

I would say yes, our families very close. I haven't even met any of my dad's relatives over here, other than my grandma who died 8 years ago, or his son who I don't even like.

You're right about my brother, the 1 time I was really with him he told me that "Mom is more important than anyone," in terms of family. He's sending his stepdaughter to come stay with us, and I feel that is going to complicate my transitioning further.

Not as much of my family is as educated as my aunt. She's the only one who went to college, and she's an English teacher so I'm sure she has a lot of gay students.

I've heard that 1 of my uncles is gay, I'm not sure, but we still talk to him. My dad mentioned it to my mom 1 time when I casually mentioned gay rights and she freaked out. She told him she didn't mind if her brother was gay, but did mind if her son was.

This is all I've been thinking about for the last week. I don't think they'd disown me, but I don't think I can go on if they did. I just don't want to put them through this, I can imagine what the shock is like from their point of view.