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Terrified to go back to school..

Started by Britney♥Bieber, April 25, 2011, 12:32:49 PM

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n00bsWithBoobs

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 26, 2011, 12:40:29 AM
That sounds great but people at high school didn't really like me. A lot of homophobia.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 26, 2011, 03:30:47 AM
I know plenty of people won't have a problem I'm just worried about the kids who bullied me for being gay.

Those are understandable fears. No one wants to get bullied and it's hard to stand up against it. I've been bullied before in the workplace and some in high school. Community college is a whole different place. There, it's the homophobes who tend to stick out more. There's generally more maturity and less pressure to fit a specific kind of social norm. I live in the South, where racism and homophobia run rampant, but I've never had any problems in college.

Here are some things to think about if you're worried about stranger danger:
- If you have friends at school, stick with them. No one is going to bully you while you're with others, and if they do, then schools nowadays have pretty strict no-tolerance policies. Reporting bullying will get that kid kicked out of school.
- Avoid going places where you'll be completely alone. That's a sensible idea for any young woman.
- If you have to go somewhere alone, make sure it's well-lit. I don't think I've been to any college where they didn't have cameras set up.
- Confidence takes time and while this seems like a big, scary step, once you take it, you won't regret having made the choice. I'm not at the point where I'm ready to go full-time yet, but it'll come. I still dress like myself just about everywhere outside of work and people can be mean, but people can be just as nice and supportive, too.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: spacial on April 26, 2011, 05:35:40 AM
Kids grow up.

Into homophobic adults.

Quote from: justme19 on April 26, 2011, 07:00:19 AM
Britney♥Bieber I have nothing helpfull to your school problem.....  but I just had to comment to let you no your Display Picture is absolutely stunning!

Haha thank you! <3

Quote from: Carlita on April 26, 2011, 08:21:19 AM
This is true ... and it may also be relevant to your current predicament. I can totally understand and sympathize with your worries, but it does occur to me that you may be better off now than you were before, particularly if you present as female. After all, cute girls get treated a lot better, by and large, than what society deems as "sissy" boys  ... and if you act like a cute girl and look like a cute girl, well, I suspect that's how you'll be treated too.

Of course, you may have to deal with all the same creepy, bull->-bleeped-<-ting guys that other pretty girls have to cope with ... but every silver lining has a cloud!

Yes I'm already dealing with creepy old men almost on a daily basis at work! lol. I'm still waiting for the boys my age to flirt with me but I guess boys and girls my age don't really hit on Walmart employees lol.


Quote from: SocialiteGypsy on April 26, 2011, 01:03:32 PM
Those are understandable fears. No one wants to get bullied and it's hard to stand up against it. I've been bullied before in the workplace and some in high school. Community college is a whole different place. There, it's the homophobes who tend to stick out more. There's generally more maturity and less pressure to fit a specific kind of social norm. I live in the South, where racism and homophobia run rampant, but I've never had any problems in college.

Here are some things to think about if you're worried about stranger danger:
- If you have friends at school, stick with them. No one is going to bully you while you're with others, and if they do, then schools nowadays have pretty strict no-tolerance policies. Reporting bullying will get that kid kicked out of school.
- Avoid going places where you'll be completely alone. That's a sensible idea for any young woman.
- If you have to go somewhere alone, make sure it's well-lit. I don't think I've been to any college where they didn't have cameras set up.
- Confidence takes time and while this seems like a big, scary step, once you take it, you won't regret having made the choice. I'm not at the point where I'm ready to go full-time yet, but it'll come. I still dress like myself just about everywhere outside of work and people can be mean, but people can be just as nice and supportive, too.

That's all great advice! Thank you <3

Lee

My only advice is to give anyone who gives you crap a big smile.  You'll have them won over instantly.  ;)
Good luck with your classes.
Oh I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love

A blah blog
http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,365.0.html
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Britney♥Bieber


Stephanie

Quote from: Sophia on April 26, 2011, 12:19:38 AM
Can NO-ONE spell advice! Haha, not being serious btw :P


I have noticed that many people spell 'advice' as 'advise'.   I just assumed that that it was an Americanism.   I am glad to know that it isn't.

Have you noticed how often people write 'cloths' for 'clothes'?

Sorry for being anal  :laugh:



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Stephanie

Britney I think that you need to develop some 'tude girlfriend.   :laugh:  Check out Gorgeous Gregory and Richie Nickel on YouTube.

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Mariposa

Quote from: Melody Maia on April 25, 2011, 02:37:20 PM
Brit, there are lots of trans kids here in Orlando going the CC route. I sincerely think this is the best path for your future. You will be fine, but attitude and a little foresight are important as the other ladies said. Proud of you hon. Stick to it and graduate.

Me being one of them!!! :D

Britney, your post really hit close to home for me, because at one point, I had the exact same fears of going to college and then taking a break so that I can transition and praying that no one there recognizes me and causes trouble. Hell, I hadn't even gotten around to changing my name on their records until about two years ago, because I was so afraid of having a class with people I knew and then having them harass me or something (This was before I realized it was all in my head and no one really gave a ->-bleeped-<-.). One of the really good things about that college is that there's a bunch of people there of ALL ages and there are multiple campuses scattered around the area, so that kinda worked in my favor.

And I guess another good thing about my community college is that it's got a very good reputation and once you graduate, you are guarantee'd acceptance to the state university here. (University of Central Florida!) So I really don't understand why some people have an issue with community colleges. they're less expensive and you still get the same knowledge from them.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Mariposa on April 27, 2011, 11:10:53 AM
Me being one of them!!! :D

Britney, your post really hit close to home for me, because at one point, I had the exact same fears of going to college and then taking a break so that I can transition and praying that no one there recognizes me and causes trouble. Hell, I hadn't even gotten around to changing my name on their records until about two years ago, because I was so afraid of having a class with people I knew and then having them harass me or something (This was before I realized it was all in my head and no one really gave a ->-bleeped-<-.). One of the really good things about that college is that there's a bunch of people there of ALL ages and there are multiple campuses scattered around the area, so that kinda worked in my favor.

And I guess another good thing about my community college is that it's got a very good reputation and once you graduate, you are guarantee'd acceptance to the state university here. (University of Central Florida!) So I really don't understand why some people have an issue with community colleges. they're less expensive and you still get the same knowledge from them.

Well when I went to CC before, I did have issues with a few students because of my sexuality, and I wasn't even flamboyant or anything. So being trans will probably be a lot worse to all the douche bag hicks that I went to school with. You guys are not able to process what kind of town I live in. But I'm feeling easier about going back. Less scared. Well still scared but more not caring about how scared I am I guess.

And I know right? CCs are the better option, even if you have money falling out your ears, you can still save it.

n00bsWithBoobs

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 27, 2011, 12:04:17 PM
Well when I went to CC before, I did have issues with a few students because of my sexuality, and I wasn't even flamboyant or anything. So being trans will probably be a lot worse to all the douche bag hicks that I went to school with. You guys are not able to process what kind of town I live in. But I'm feeling easier about going back. Less scared. Well still scared but more not caring about how scared I am I guess.

I went to high school for 3 years in Orlando, then moved to a small redneck community 40 miles outside of Atlanta. I'd be over at a friend's house and a cow would pass by the window. Kids chewed dip and Future Agricultural Business Leaders of America (or whatever it was called) was our biggest school club. It was a very, very narrow-minded rural community and I had a LOT of people preach to me over and over again about how what I was doing was wrong and against God's will. Most people thought I was gay, but that didn't stop me from fronting and dating girls until I decided to not give a $#!* and be who I was, regardless of what people thought. I eventually moved to Nashville, but there have been plenty of setbacks along the way here too.

I totally understand the kind of narrow-minded environment you're coming from. Fear sucks and prevents so many of us from even taking the first steps to transition. However, that feeling will pass when you get comfortable being you around other people. I'm really sorry if I came off as insensitive to your feelings about this matter. I'd really like to help, but the only way I feel I can do that is to offer empathy and advice. We're all supportive of you, sister, and we're kind of like a bunch of mother hens thinking we know what's best for you and what will make you happiest when we're still trying to figure that out for ourselves. So, I'm sorry. :(

For what it's worth, good luck. Whatever decision you make will be the right one and I hope that after weighing the pros and cons, you find the path that brings you the most happiness in life.
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tekla

First, any education is better than no education, and I don't think anyone should ever turn down a chance to learn anything - if for no other reason than you never know what you might need.  Any kind of training, certificates, experience you can get is a hella lot better than not getting it.  In a highly competitive world any time you can say "I can do that" is going to be good for you.

So I really don't understand why some people have an issue with community colleges. they're less expensive and you still get the same knowledge from them

I don't have an 'issue' with them, (I taught CC courses often) but I think there are several huge differences that can't be glossed over.

1. The best part of college for most of the people I went to school with, and worked with as they went through the process, was 'getting the hell out of there', regardless of where 'there' was.  They had to grow up for sure, but they also got away from all the high school roles that persist long after high school for people who stay in place.  They don't get to reinvent themselves in the same way at all - which is a really huge deal.  Nor did they get exposed to the non-class college atmosphere of all-nighters in the dorms talking about the stuff you learned and trying to apply it, or the outside lectures, and the number of organizations and activities that you could pursue.  I still use the basic event planning skills that I learned in college - not in class, but by working with the people who would organize and execute academic conferences.

2. I taught at the super-huge, big assed NCAA Division I State University, and I also taught at the local very small, extremely liberal private university, and I also taught at the local prison, the local CC and AP high school courses.  (hey, I liked money).  Same course (intro to AmGov and AmHist parts one and two).  But it was hardly the same course at all.  At the two universities I had total control.  I used a textbook of my choosing, and whatever other materials I chose to use.  Those classes were like this:

Uni AmHist - one text (good for both sections) written by a single author (as I like those more), also a book of documents, a book of historical essays and two period novels like Uncle Tom's Cabin and Last of the Mohicans for part one, and Day of the Locust and Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test for the second section.*  That's five books.  Guided essays were required for the two novels (You had to write to a specific theme that I choose, so no 'book reports').  All tests were essay.  I had several week-end take home tests too.  What good was teaching if you couldn't kill a few weekends for the kids?  (they didn't call me Doctor Death for nothing - but if you had all 'A's up to finals, you could skip the final, I'm not an ogre.)

CC AmHist - One text book, committee written and committee picked, and that was it.  Tests were multiple guess (as dictated by the CC) one at mid-term, one at finals.  That's it.  No writing being judged by someone who could read, no essays on other topics, no take-home tests.  One text, two multiple guess tests.

Guess which of those two courses better prepared you for more advanced courses?

3. And this is really, really important.  At the Uni (and lots of students had a hard time adjusting to this) I had pretty much one of the top 3 or so students from your high school.  And I had that student from every high school in the state.  Suzi Creamcheese is back in Podunk preggers, Cletus and Billy Bob are working at the Co-Op, and Buck joined the Army - so all that easy competition you had in HS is no longer competing against you.  Now you're up against all the other "straight A" students from the state and as the video games would have it - welcome to the next level.  Academically it's no different than it is for the football players.  Yeah, you were the superstar linebacker there in the Oskaloosa School District.  A head taller and 50 lbs heaver and could bench press more than anyone else you played against there on Friday Nights, but now you're going to be playing Nebraska, Oklahoma, Texas and you are not going to be the only one without a neck anymore.  All those kids who really had no business playing football, but they needed bodies, they are gone.  You had one formation in High School, now your running 7 different ones.  The playbook goes from 30 plays to over 100.  (NFL teams have 250+ for the next, next level, the Ravens allegedly have 600)  Different game entirely.

One important difference in the level of work required and the competition is that even if the other students are not all that 'liberal' they for sure have other things to worry about and better uses of their time than to bother you.

DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO GET EDUCATED/TRAINED, nothing will make more of a difference.  But always keep in mind what you are really getting, because knowing your limitations is a very important part of the education process.



* - I was also very fond of using Little Women (most guys had never read it), I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Coming of Age in Mississippi, Red Badge of Courage, The Scarlet Letter, Walden Pond, All Quiet on the Western Front, Johnny Got His Gun, God is My Co-Pilot, The Man in the Grey Flannel Suit anything that would give them the flavor of the time.  I kept mixing them up so I didn't have to read the same essays over, and over, and over again.
FIGHT APATHY!, or don't...
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: SocialiteGypsy on April 27, 2011, 01:21:49 PM
I went to high school for 3 years in Orlando, then moved to a small redneck community 40 miles outside of Atlanta. I'd be over at a friend's house and a cow would pass by the window. Kids chewed dip and Future Agricultural Business Leaders of America (or whatever it was called) was our biggest school club. It was a very, very narrow-minded rural community and I had a LOT of people preach to me over and over again about how what I was doing was wrong and against God's will. Most people thought I was gay, but that didn't stop me from fronting and dating girls until I decided to not give a $#!* and be who I was, regardless of what people thought. I eventually moved to Nashville, but there have been plenty of setbacks along the way here too.

I totally understand the kind of narrow-minded environment you're coming from. Fear sucks and prevents so many of us from even taking the first steps to transition. However, that feeling will pass when you get comfortable being you around other people. I'm really sorry if I came off as insensitive to your feelings about this matter. I'd really like to help, but the only way I feel I can do that is to offer empathy and advice. We're all supportive of you, sister, and we're kind of like a bunch of mother hens thinking we know what's best for you and what will make you happiest when we're still trying to figure that out for ourselves. So, I'm sorry. :(

For what it's worth, good luck. Whatever decision you make will be the right one and I hope that after weighing the pros and cons, you find the path that brings you the most happiness in life.

No I didn't take any offense or anything. I just don't think it will go as smoothly as some of you are suggesting. But I am getting more and more comfortable with the idea. Something I'm very proud of is I am making new friends! My friend Niki has been inviting me out with her group of friends and none of them know anything about my past. It's the most refreshing thing I could have ever imagined. At first I was paralyzed by fear when she invited me but I told myself "Britney grow a pair and get out there. Stop waiting around!" So I went both times and had a blast. :) So I really think I'm ready to go to school. I'm just scared. But I actually feel motivated. I've never feel happy or motivated about school before but now I do.

Carlita

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 27, 2011, 03:04:55 PM
... I told myself "Britney grow a pair and get out there.

Sweetie, aren't you aiming to GET RID of that pair??!  ;)

Funny how we still - male or female - see balls as a symbol of courage, particularly us of all people ...

OK, so that was off-topic and in dubious taste ... so back to college, Britney and YOU GO, GIRL!! I hope it works out brilliantly and that you graduate from a major school in a few years time as a well-educated, contented, very popular woman, with a whole world of possibilities open to you for the rest of your life ...

And Tekla is right, by the way about top colleges being the big leagues ... and also about the benefits that education, independence and getting away from home can bring ... Keep your eyes on that prize!
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lauren3

Good luck Britney, regardless of what happens - hold your head high :) I can very much relate to your nerves! You've come ever so far though. I understand why you're scared. I honestly think you pass almost perfectly hehe. You're absolutely stunning.

I've been lurking on this site since you started hormones and I've watched you become this ever-more-beautiful-with-each-passing-day women hehe. You're absolutely stunning and even if my advice is a little sucky I just wanted to let you know that. You can do anything you put your mind too :)

<333 You're beautiful
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Melody Maia

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on April 27, 2011, 03:04:55 PM
No I didn't take any offense or anything. I just don't think it will go as smoothly as some of you are suggesting. But I am getting more and more comfortable with the idea. Something I'm very proud of is I am making new friends! My friend Niki has been inviting me out with her group of friends and none of them know anything about my past. It's the most refreshing thing I could have ever imagined. At first I was paralyzed by fear when she invited me but I told myself "Britney grow a pair and get out there. Stop waiting around!" So I went both times and had a blast. :) So I really think I'm ready to go to school. I'm just scared. But I actually feel motivated. I've never feel happy or motivated about school before but now I do.

Brit this is awesome! It is so important to yourself and your transition that you got out there and meet new people as just Brit, NOT Brit the transgirl.
and i know that i'm never alone
and i know that my heart is my home
Every missing piece of me
I can find in a melody



O
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Gabby

Quote from: Carlita on April 28, 2011, 05:39:26 AM
Funny how we still - male or female - see balls as a symbol of courage, particularly us of all people ...

Do all men with physical balls have courage?  No, and neither will some people ever have it, because they cannot face their fears  They could be an 250lb bully as easily as a 100lb conniving official. 

So where does that leave us?  There must be metaphysical balls, not dependent on physically exisiting, these be the balls of courage.

It also shows that a woman has things in common with a man and that nothing is gender specific, a man can carry a baby or a woman can go adventuring into the Amazonian rainforests.  What is seen as a traditional man thing, courage can just as easily be a woman thing.
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Carlita

Of course, I can think of another pair any girl would love to grow ...  :)

... but yes, balls of courage is a nice, positive thought!
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Gabby

Quote from: Carlita on April 28, 2011, 12:48:09 PM
Of course, I can think of another pair any girl would love to grow ...  :)
Hahaha much better I second that motion :D
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Cyndigurl45

You know Britney♥Bieber you could tell your homophobic jerks, as it turns out I'm not gay, I like men. That is unless your into dating OTHER women ;)

CC are so High Schoolish, growing up in SoCal there were tons of them, so I drove a few miles and never ran into a soul I went to school with.
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Britney♥Bieber

Quote from: Carlita on April 28, 2011, 05:39:26 AM
Sweetie, aren't you aiming to GET RID of that pair??!  ;)

Funny how we still - male or female - see balls as a symbol of courage, particularly us of all people ...

OK, so that was off-topic and in dubious taste ... so back to college, Britney and YOU GO, GIRL!! I hope it works out brilliantly and that you graduate from a major school in a few years time as a well-educated, contented, very popular woman, with a whole world of possibilities open to you for the rest of your life ...

And Tekla is right, by the way about top colleges being the big leagues ... and also about the benefits that education, independence and getting away from home can bring ... Keep your eyes on that prize!

haha thank you <3

Quote from: lauren3 on April 28, 2011, 06:55:50 AM
Good luck Britney, regardless of what happens - hold your head high :) I can very much relate to your nerves! You've come ever so far though. I understand why you're scared. I honestly think you pass almost perfectly hehe. You're absolutely stunning.

I've been lurking on this site since you started hormones and I've watched you become this ever-more-beautiful-with-each-passing-day women hehe. You're absolutely stunning and even if my advice is a little sucky I just wanted to let you know that. You can do anything you put your mind too :)

<333 You're beautiful

Thank you so much. That means the world to me <3

Quote from: Melody Maia on April 28, 2011, 07:33:26 AM
Brit this is awesome! It is so important to yourself and your transition that you got out there and meet new people as just Brit, NOT Brit the transgirl.

Yes it is THE best feeling in the world. <3


Quote from: Cyndigurl45 on April 28, 2011, 01:29:51 PM
You know Britney♥Bieber you could tell your homophobic jerks, as it turns out I'm not gay, I like men. That is unless your into dating OTHER women ;)

CC are so High Schoolish, growing up in SoCal there were tons of them, so I drove a few miles and never ran into a soul I went to school with.

Theirs only 3 CCs in the area and a lot of kids from my school go to all of them. xD I've talked with my therapist and I think I'll do fine. <3

n00bsWithBoobs

Quote from: Lexia on April 28, 2011, 09:53:43 AM
Do all men with physical balls have courage?  No, and neither will some people ever have it, because they cannot face their fears  They could be an 250lb bully as easily as a 100lb conniving official. 

So where does that leave us?  There must be metaphysical balls, not dependent on physically exisiting, these be the balls of courage.

My favorite quote for that euphemism is: "Dang, girl! You wear your ovaries on the OUTSIDE!"

QuoteIt also shows that a woman has things in common with a man and that nothing is gender specific, a man can carry a baby or a woman can go adventuring into the Amazonian rainforests.  What is seen as a traditional man thing, courage can just as easily be a woman thing.

Well, of course women can go into the Amazonian rainforests... that's where Amazons come from!  ;)
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