Well this is interesting. I started this thread January 29, 2010. It got some posts, but died out after a week. Then, 15 months later, I get an email saying a reply has been posted to a topic I am watching.
It brought up interesting memories. That post was the first time I had ever said anything about wanting to crossdress, even anonymously. I ended up telling my therapist a few days later, then my parents after a month, then a few more people, then went full time two months after that first post.
I don't think of myself as a crossdresser any more. I prefer to call myself "transgender", as in, not a subcategory. I'm not a crossdresser, I'm not genderqueer, I'm not transsexual. I'm most certainly not cisgender, that much I know for sure.
Over the last year, I have become a person I never imagined I could be. I've developed my identity. I'm more confident, more social, much happier (when not hormonally sad). I've started hormones, got a name change, had my name and marker updated on my driver's license. Back then, the single biggest thought in my mind was coming out and all the terrors it would bring. I was
certain that my life would be in ruins; friends shunning, family disowning, housemates getting hostile. Now I'm more of a transactivist. I've held up signs in the busiest section of campus on transgender visibility day that say "we all deserve to be seen", I've been on a panel of transpeople answering questions and discussing the gender binary. I founded a new group for transpeople in my area, been to multiple conferences, and a friend and I are the token trans representatives in the dozens of people that frequent our LGBT center.
Quote from: Melissazm on January 31, 2010, 11:08:36 AM
Thank you all, that seems like some good advice.
Muffin: I think it's just crossdressing. I don't really know what I want. Recently I've been fantasizing about having a female body, but I think that's because my masculine features don't look too good in a dress. I was fortunate enough to have inherited small breasts from my father and grandfather, but I am also kinda fat in the belly.
On a side note, I must admit it feels good to have people make statements referring to me with words like "m2f" and "crossdressing."
Post Merge: February 01, 2010, 09:38:53 AM
I did it.
I told the counsellor. Now someone who has seen my face knows. It was weird saying it aloud and my heart was and still is racing, but it's been done.
It's not just crossdressing. I still don't know what I want. I'm five months on hormones, as of yesterday. I'm still my own worst critic, but just today my mom told me that my grandmother [that I haven't seen in years but knows that I'm trans] said, when shown a recent picture of me, "is that Sam's [my brother] new girlfriend?". Don't worry, there's no incest. They were talking about him, then she was shown an unrelated picture of me. My breasts have grown a tiny bit, enough that I don't have to wear a bra to sleep so that I won't feel like a dude in the morning. I'm not so much fat in the belly anymore. I'm 6' tall, and last year I was about 180lbs, now I'm about 150. 220 in the beginning of college, for comparison. It's all from eating differently, I'm not one to exercise. Point is, my belly is flat-ish, but my skin is not, so it's a bit flabby.
I still feel good when any female word is used to refer to me, not so much "m2f" and "crossdressing" though, I wouldn't mind not hearing them. I prefer the terms "assigned male" or "assigned female" when referring to a trans person's earlier life is relevant. That doesn't exclude any gender identities and includes intersex people.
I did it.
I recapped my life during the last year and a quarter. It was weird thinking about the person I was in the early parts of transition, and I still get upset if I dwell on it, but it's been done for a while now.
