In another thread the OP mentioned she was through transition, and this got me to thinking.  For all intents and purposes, I am done with transition.  I have my letters for SRS and just lack the funding.  Eventually I will get it.

But when does transition really end?  With surgery?  If that is so then what about non-ops?  Is it just the one year that is mention in the SOC?

What are your thoughts?  And remember no one is wrong, it is just their opinion.

For me transition ends when I no longer think about it. When the desire to blow my brains out becomes a distant and obscure memory. When happiness is the norm instead of a lofty goal.

It ends when you are happy.

Transition is all about you anyways, not your family, not your friends, not even the government who can swallow all their LEGALLY MALE crap.

Transition can end after hormones alone, or it can end after many complicated facial surgeries and a full vaginoplasty. It all depends on what you want.

I feel transition happens when you "cross over" so, even though I have much left to do, I still definitely consider myself transitioned.  Going full-time seems like the obvious landmark where you can say you've leapt the divide.

Just to put it simply, when one decides they have crossed over to the side they want to be on, I think they've transitioned.  It's up to each person where that may be.

Quote from: Citrine Oak on May 02, 2011, 11:40:39 AM
It ends when you are happy.

Transition is all about you anyways, not your family, not your friends, not even the government who can swallow all their LEGALLY MALE crap.

Transition can end after hormones alone, or it can end after many complicated facial surgeries and a full vaginoplasty. It all depends on what you want.

I agree with Citrine on this.  I also believe transitions are complete when the individual feels no longer compelled to make any further steps to resolve all of his/her/ze/their gender incongruity issues.

What if you're happy before you're done with all your steps? 

Quote from: Jen on May 02, 2011, 03:05:33 PM
What if you're happy before you're done with all your steps? 

Re-evaluate and make changes to the goal.

I've had a lot of success letting peace guide the steps I take.  In other words, correct choices bring tranquility, incorrect choices bring axiety.  I pay very close attention to how I feel about things and the moment something disturbs my peace, I correct course.

So then about your post Cynthia, I've actually thought about this very thing.  If I am relatively happy now, do I even need to take any more steps?  Then, immediately after considering that, I feel like crying.  That is the quintessence of "not peace" and it is exactly the sort of thing I steer away from.  So I'm definitely not where I need to be yet, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to be happy while I continue to take steps.

Quote from: Jen on May 02, 2011, 05:39:09 PMSo I'm definitely not where I need to be yet, but I don't think that means I'm not allowed to be happy while I continue to take steps.

Exactly.  I've been on HRT a month now, and I'm now living full-time.  I'm out to everyone who matters, and very few people have been unsupportive and unaccepting, and I expect many of those will come around eventually.  So for all intents and purposes, I am Colleen.  But... I haven't changed my name legally yet, the hormones haven't hardly begun to work their magic, and I have lots of steps left to go.  And I WILL go there.  But... I'm happier than I've ever been, I just LOVE looking at myself in the mirror, and I'm diving into my new life headfirst.  By some measures, I could consider myself fully transitioned, but with steps to go yet.  Just because I'm happy now, doesn't mean I shouldn't take any more steps, it simply means I'm on the right path.  As Jen says, each step I take reconfirms for me the rightness of my path.  If I take or contemplate taking a next step, and it causes me concern or anxiety, then I would reevaluate that step, but so far, I've found nothing but joy each step of the way.  Life is a box of chocolates - EAT 'EM UP!! 

For me it was when I started living and forgot about transition.


Jay

  To me, with my finances, probably never.  But the HRT has gotten everything working now so I can concentrate on other things!
  Joelene

Kia Ora,

I considered myself fully transitioned in both body and mind when I truly felt comfortable in my new skin...

However I've met trans-people who physically blend in, but are still finding their way mentally[finding it hard  to rid themselves of all the old male/female 'mental' baggage-that they had accumulated]  ...

One could say transitioning is both equally a physical and mental transformation/process...I know it was for me...

Metta Zenda

Quote from: sneakersjay on May 02, 2011, 10:34:43 PM
For me it was when I started living and forgot about transition.

^^THIS^^

I can only speak for myself but to me the transition ends when I feel I've finished all the steps I need to take to be a complete female. Everyone has different needs. For me, I want to be legally, anatomically, and hormonally female. So I'll need to finish laser and electrolysis on my face, get my gender legally changed, and get SRS. I realize that after those steps there is still maintenance to be done but at that point I consider that to be a female thing and not a trans thing. Those who have decided not to take all of the steps but feel they are done with transition and living in their full time role of their correct gender would be done with transition. So it really is a self-defined thing. Kind of like setting a goal, once the steps are completed then you have accomplished your goal. If you've done all but one (in Janet's case) you are so close but not quite there yet. But again it really depends on how you define it. Good luck Janet.

It ended for me when I was satisfied living in my own skin and finally forgot about being born wrong in the first place. 

     I became more concerned with other goals in my life and finally just lived as the woman I am.  One day I realized that I just wasn't trans any longer...

I feel like for me it will be when I am Andy everywhere and don't have to bind anymore.  Those are two things that are the hardest on me. 

Quote from: Jen on May 02, 2011, 01:24:20 PM
I feel transition happens when you "cross over" so, even though I have much left to do, I still definitely consider myself transitioned.  Going full-time seems like the obvious landmark where you can say you've leapt the divide.

Just to put it simply, when one decides they have crossed over to the side they want to be on, I think they've transitioned.  It's up to each person where that may be.

This is exactly how I feel about it too, and I also believe that the crossing over can occur even if you haven't done all of the "steps" you have planned for yourself.  I just started HRT four months ago (well, that's when I started a regimen that worked on my body) and have been full time for just over two months.  Despite the short time that's passed, something happened last Thursday that I never dreamed imaginable in the near-term: I forgot I was trans.

Some friends of mine asked me out shopping, and as we picked through clothes, laughed, made jokes, held silly poses, you name it, I was nothing but woman.  My self-consciousness dissipated, I never wondered who was looking at me, who I thought might be reading me, or if I really belonged.  The funny thing is, the realization of my mental state during that time didn't occur until the next day.  And yet, looking back, I know the significance of what happened that night and what it meant as far as transition is concerned.

Another thing happened these past four days which resulted in the biggest spiritual and social awakening in my life, perhaps my first moment of true clarity in all of my 33 years.  It made me realize how bonded I feel to humanity and how I envision my role on this planet.  Upon reflection, I realized that every past moment of clarity was emotionless, stodgy, male... "I now have a goal.  I make plans toward that goal.  I execute those plans.  I made it.  Yay."  Not this time.  I felt that the moment I had was what William James might have called mystical, or Carl Jung might have termed the numinous moment: a spiritual experience beyond description, for if it could be described, it would lose the very essence of numinosity.  That I couldn't have had this experience until now, living as my true self, is a personal validation of my belief of life as a teleological construct, that we're always where we need to be, and we'll always wind up being where we need to go.

As of last night, the internal struggle for my body ended.  Zoë won, the boy is outta here.  His way of thinking no longer holds sway over me.  I really feel like I've crossed over, like I've transitioned.  I am unquestionably who I am.

Do I still want a bit of FFS?  You bet.  SRS?  Oh, most definitely.  But I define my experience as the travels of my mind and spirit, not my biology.  I am no more my biology than I am a telephone pole.  Some day, my biology will shed, return to this world, and my soul will make a new journey.  As for my experience here, in this life, I consider myself transitioned.

Love that post Zoe .  Bodies are like avatars.  They contain who we are in the same way a car driving down the road (hopefully) contains a driver.  Our bodies do not govern who we are, it's the other way around.

Physical transition, in terms of outward presentation, is definitely important.  I'm talking about "gender" things here, e.g. your outward presentation (your body and it's configuration being part of that), the role you fill in society, and where society, in turn, puts you.  These things have bearing on how harmoniously your real self, which is your consciousness (or soul), is able to interact with the outside world.  The instrument must play its tune in the key the musician intends, to use a musical analogy.  Otherwise, especially when he or she tries playing with others, the air will be filled with discordant cacophonous noises which will cause great distress, especially for the frustrated musician.  If all your body (and your presentation) brings you is a never-ending stream of headache-inducing noises, eventually you will not want to play with the world anymore.

So with that said, there is a big, big however, which is, HOWEVER, the transition that really matters is the one that happens inside your head.  You do not become a woman until you see yourself as a woman through and through.  Your consciousness/soul is you, not your body, not your persona, not whatever the world perceives you to be.  Usually it does take getting your physical self to a certain place before you can truly believe that.  Chemical aspects play a role in getting there too.  For instance, what Zoe said about feeling bonded with humanity, I know that connection for me ramped up spectacularly with estrogen, even though I was very empathetic, etc. beforehand.  Hormones do change your brain and how it works more than I could ever have imagined.  But ultimately, it's all about getting your mind to a place where it finally believes you are the sex it feels you should be.  When you reach that place, you've transitioned, in my opinion.

Also I want to say that I think all of us could save ourselves so much emotional pain if we would just learn to approach life, in Zoe's words, "as a teleological construct" (I like that wording btw.)  Stop worrying about where you wish you were now, if only, or where you had chosen to go in the past, if only, or whatever.  You are in the place you were meant to be at this point in your life.  Try to enjoy this moment, this very moment.  Be okay with where you are right now.  Life is a beautiful journey with so many lovely things along the way.  You don't need such a singular focus.  If you've put on blinders, you should take them off, because if all you ever let yourself see is the goal, you'll miss out on so much beauty along the way.  So many roses to smell =P.  You'll get to where you want to be, don't worry, just keep taking steps in that direction- and when you do get there, you can smell those roses too.

PS- I'm super happy for you Zoe.  I love the place you seem to be right now .

Janet:

This is an awesome thread and thanks so much for starting it!   

Love everybody's answers above.   Such great reading.  Enjoyed each post very much.  Yeah, it really does come down to an individual point of view.  I'm totally on board with what everybody above said. 

With that being said, at 1 year, 5 months and 1 week into HRT myself now, I just went fulltime about 2 weeks ago.  However, I've got lots to do yet. 

Originally, I had planned to do laser treatments on my face by now.  Taxes to the IRS and the state ... sigh ... goodbye laser treatments.       Later, then.

Originally, I had planned to do my legal name change THIS past week.  A transbrother on another forum majorly needed help with things, and I was thrilled to be able to help him.  However, so much for the legal name change.        Later, then.

Originally, I planned to have another two wigs professionally fitted and formed by now.  For-now wife and stepdaughter needed funds for this and that.   Oh, well.       Later, then.

However, note this:  I went fulltime anyway!

However, I don't pass particularly well.  This weekend, I will have a professionally-done makeup makeover and will take some pics once she's done doing it.  My makeup consultant is awesome.   You'd really like her.  Anyway, I'm trying to improve.  Practice makes perfect.  I've got to practice.   

About SRS/GRS?   For me, maybe that's not in the cards.  Don't know yet.   Much to think about.  So, for me, I'm still in the process.  Reid gave me my carry letter on the first visit, but I've yet to use a ladies room preferring to use unisex restrooms to avoid hassles. 

Like everybody said above, when you don't want to waste yourself and when you no longer think about it (transitioning) and just enjoy our life, well, then, it's done!     

Peace & Hugs       Lacey Lynne