This is more of a rant then a question, but please feel free to offer advice.

First duh I'm not out yet.

The other day I was at a thrift store I frequent quite a bit since its basically next door

When I was there I was being my typical andro self, but they usually all assume I am female. I ran into my Mom, I started to turn around because she hadn't seen me and I was going to avoid her. I was not fearful of her seeing me, I just seen her hours ago and I think I looked more female then. I was fearful because I knew she would out me (not that I was presenting female) but by calling me my surname.

I decided to go up to her cause I needed her advice on some window treatments. We both went to that area of the store, I asked her about several colors and styles (I'm color blind so this is very difficult) she was being very helpful and I felt really good shopping with my Mom, until

We get to one style and she says "this is nice, its real manly" I ignored it, we got to another style she like, AGAIN "this is nice, its real manly"  UGHHHHHHHH

You know what MOM I'm not looking for manly, if you thinks its manly I don't want it! I couldn't believe I said that, but I wanted to say more. I didn't mean I didn't want it because it was manly, I was just looking for something that matched.

This is not the first time she has done this, when she gives me some decorations, it always "this will look good in your house, its manly" ugh. It has taken me time but I am finding my style and most of her stuff on the walls is fading.

Irony, I choose the one that she thought was manly. It wasn't manly at all it just went with the color scheme I already have.

Shelly

It must be really annoying when someone thinks that how things will appear to others to be more important than how they would appear to you.

It's like she has dismissed you as an individual and is only prepared to accept you as an object. Not someone who know as a person, to enjoy as an individual, but as a son, who fits a category, can be shown off.

I think your mom has a very real problem here.

I can relate to that feeling. My girlfriend does that sort of thing to me a lot. Mostly with scents and clothing styles. It really sucks

I'm sorry if this is a bad thing to say but if your colour blind why don't you just pick any old colour be damnned if it dosen't make any conventional colour sense.

If someone told me something was manly, I'd be all like "What!?  Stan Lee?  Where?"  *looks around fervently*

Quote from: pebbles on May 05, 2011, 07:26:05 AM
I'm sorry if this is a bad thing to say but if your colour blind why don't you just pick any old colour be damnned if it dosen't make any conventional colour sense.

I don't see just black and white!

I mix up greens, blues, reds, oranges and other colors in between, and yes I would like some color coordination in at least two rooms in my house, I don't need the 3-5 people that visit a year to mock how clashing everything is.

to add:

Next time I am going to ask why she thinks something is manly, color, style, smell ?

wow my keyboard is really manly.

I can sort of relate. My mother is always wanting me to dress more manly and complains about the length of my hair and things like that. Whenever it gets to buying something - say a car for example - then she'll want me to get the most macho thing out there.
It's like she's trying so hard to make me into a man.

Quote from: Just Shelly on May 04, 2011, 10:14:15 AM
This is more of a rant then a question, but please feel free to offer advice.

First duh I'm not out yet.

The other day I was at a thrift store I frequent quite a bit since its basically next door

When I was there I was being my typical andro self, but they usually all assume I am female. I ran into my Mom, I started to turn around because she hadn't seen me and I was going to avoid her. I was not fearful of her seeing me, I just seen her hours ago and I think I looked more female then. I was fearful because I knew she would out me (not that I was presenting female) but by calling me my surname.

I decided to go up to her cause I needed her advice on some window treatments. We both went to that area of the store, I asked her about several colors and styles (I'm color blind so this is very difficult) she was being very helpful and I felt really good shopping with my Mom, until

We get to one style and she says "this is nice, its real manly" I ignored it, we got to another style she like, AGAIN "this is nice, its real manly"  UGHHHHHHHH

You know what MOM I'm not looking for manly, if you thinks its manly I don't want it! I couldn't believe I said that, but I wanted to say more. I didn't mean I didn't want it because it was manly, I was just looking for something that matched.

This is not the first time she has done this, when she gives me some decorations, it always "this will look good in your house, its manly" ugh. It has taken me time but I am finding my style and most of her stuff on the walls is fading.

Irony, I choose the one that she thought was manly. It wasn't manly at all it just went with the color scheme I already have.

Shelly

it happens. especially since you said you aren't out yet, she's probably just thinking you need to "feel good about yourself as a man." people did that to me all the time. if you tell her you're a woman, and you don't like "manly." that should get the point across. people are just like that. just forget what she says for now. it isn't "manly" stuff. she's only saying that because she thinks you need some "self esteem." if she really thought you were a man, she wouldn't be your salesperson for "manly products." in this binary oriented world, people just can't see anything beyond a male or a female. just ignore it. maybe you should ask her to buy you a manly plasma screen tv

another point, my mom and some other people still called me "handsome" when i presented as a boy. even though i looked like justin bieber on acid.