i never claimed i was a boy growing up (or if i did i don't remember) but in the years since graduating high school, the more masculine i make myself, the more comfortable i feel. can anyone relate?

I can relate. I never remember saying I wanted to be a boy and I even wore dresses when I was younger. But once I cut my hair off and started passing more, I realized that's what felt right, that I really did want to be a boy. I feel much more comfortable with myself now then I ever did as a girl.

I think that's fairly common, Jordi.  I know that was my experience, at least.  It's hard to claim that you're one gender when society and socialization have always told you the opposite. 

Yeah, I'm the same way, and it seems like a lot of us on here have similar histories.  My mother jokes about how I always wanted to be Superman and would flat out refuse when she suggested being Superwoman.  Other than things like that, I pretty much just grew up being me.  At first I thought that this meant that I couldn't be trans, as I had the impression that everyone started verbalizing a desire to be the correct gender from a young age.  However, I'm learning more and more that everyone has a different background.

I'm MtF but I have it same
When I was small it makes me cry wen someone misinterpreted me as a girl, I cry for lot of reasons and never was masculine but it take long time until I realized truth, when I realized it BANG and everything is clear 

More or less, yeah. It was kind of an unspoken thing for me for quite a while. I realized recently though, that my favorite pictures of myself were the ones where I looked more dude-ish or androgynous.

I always complained to my mom when I was really young that I wanted to be a boy and that it wasn't fair that I had to be a girl. She told me "no you don't, you don't want some annoying thing in your pants dangling around all the time".

Hahahahah

Really though, all I did was bitch and never was smart enough to realize I could do something about it until I was a lot older.

That's about how it worked for me (although I'm admittedly still sorting some things out for myself). I mostly just thought of myself as me when I grew up, not particularly gendered. It was when I started trying to figure out my own style as a young adult that I realized that I feel much better dressed as a guy, and want my body to match.

I did at least once tell my Mom I wanted to be a man, and she told me "Men can never have babies." I told her I didn't want babies, and she didn't really have a good answer for that one, but I was young enough not to know about the possibility of transitioning....

Thank you so much everyone for the replies! I've been stuck in such a weird place these past few months because I couldn't find people in the community who had a similar thought process to mine. It's scary because at this point it's like I'm mostly trying to convince myself that I can't be trans. Like Calvin said, "I mostly just thought of myself as me when I grew up, not particularly gendered." But now things that I never thought bothered me, suddenly do; like my soft chin and hips. I'm still taking it a step at a time. I just ordered my first binder and STP, which I'm excited about. So I'll see how they make me feel and go from there.

Same here.  I was fine growingup playing with mostly boys, their games, sports, etc. Then about 12 I started to developng breasts and realize I was different from them.  This hard for me to understand.  Then I got periods which made it worst.
I then really I think started to say I want to be a boy full time.  I still have not found a STP device that works for me, they seems to all leak or are to big to fit in my pocket.

Quote from: mm on May 06, 2011, 11:29:49 AM
Same here.  I was fine growingup playing with mostly boys, their games, sports, etc. Then about 12 I started to developng breasts and realize I was different from them.  This hard for me to understand.  Then I got periods which made it worst.
I then really I think started to say I want to be a boy full time.  I still have not found a STP device that works for me, they seems to all leak or are to big to fit in my pocket.

I started growing mine when I was about 9 or 10 ugh it was the worst thing ever but didn't get my period until I was 13. I remember when my twin sister got hers it was about 6 months before me I was so terrified of it. I knew all the girls didn't like getting it but I felt like I didn't like getting it for more reasons than I could understand.

And I am still searching for a good STP, I have used just about anything you can think of and nothing works well.

i got the packer stp fitz from tool shed. i've heard good and bad reviews, more bad after i bought it, but i think thats just how these things go. i want to get as much of the full effect as possible while i'm still figuring things out though, so i def wanted an stp that i could pack with.