Yes, the sure way to NOT have an orgasm is to try to have one!

Relax, learn to appreciate the sensations, get into the feelings moment by moment, and let the sensations take you where ever they may. You LET an orgasm happen, not force it.

(As a matter of fact, once you have 'been there' a few times, try to suppress it for awhile and the results will rock your world LOL!)

You really need to be "in the right head-space" to. The wrong mood will ensure nothing happens but the right mood (relaxed and happy with yourself) primes the pump as it were.

Quote from: Tammy Hope on May 02, 2011, 04:36:38 AM
Do McGinn/Bowers/Thailand/etc girls have good lubrication too and i've simply been misinformed?

I am a Biber girl, class of 1974, and lubricated quite freely right from the beginning - actually enough to be embarrassing under some circumstances. That diminished somewhat over the following 37 years but even now, if I am in good health, well hydrated, and sufficiently in the mood, I can sometimes get by without help, at least initially. If things go on too long my "natural supply" does seem to be insufficient and needs to be supplemented.

Orgasms to me are nice to have but not really necessary for me to enjoy sex. The couple of times I've managed to achieve it on purpose took a lot of effort and left me drained and wondering why exactly was it worth all the fuss. I guess through transition my priorities changed along with my sexual triggers. It's just not my chief focus for having sex.

Having said that, I'm looking forward to getting a We-Vibe Touch Ruby myself

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 02, 2011, 06:28:30 AMI do want to add orgasm to that list of activities for my partner and I to do. I dont want them thinking they are unable to please me.

This is a very important point.
I've never been able to have an orgasm with a partner. My last bf told me, after we broke up, that this had always been a disappointment to him. He wanted me to enjoy sex as much as he does and felt frustrated that he could never give me an orgasm. He suggested that I 'fake it' with future partners, but that is something I could never do. I wouldn't even know how to.

One other device not mentioned here (yet) is a good old fashioned water-pik massaging type shower head that has the hose instead of just being mounted to the wall...with the different settings, one can often find the more sensitive areas.  Of course it may also lengthen the time one spends in the shower

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 02, 2011, 06:45:05 AM
I think it is a big huge concern, thanks for pointing that out. I know as an active participant in my lovemaking that I am working on exciting my partner more and more until they cant stand it anymore.

I want my partner to get the same satisfaction in driving me over the edge to release. I think it can cause me and people with the same problem to lose partners. I dont want my lover blaming themselves or thinking bad thoughts.

I agree its a major concern and probably something I should also work on for his sake. I do get to the panting, moaning, almost there stage, but I'm sure he'd like to know he could do it for me all the way the same as I do for him. The closest I've achieved was by lying on our sides face to face, bodies touching while he rubbed the tip of his .... on my little button....   We are still in the getting to know each other's bodies stage but I do plan to keep trying however; I hope something is bound to work sooner or later.

I think my main problem with being non-orgasmic is lack of stimulus. I just have no desire to attempt it on my own. I did it once out of curiosity and got bored pretty quickly.
I can imagine it being completely different with a partner.

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 02, 2011, 06:10:09 AMShe uses her hand and is able to orgasm quickly. But then, she was born correct.

Well I wasn't "born correct" but a hand works great for me to (either mine or someone else's)! Fingers and thumb in the right places and I'm a goner LOL!

I can't stand vibrators - TOO intense.

I dont have a clitorus. Sad fact, but I am still orgasmic.
I found using a rabbit or bullet at the entrance to my vagina (not for long) and getting my head into it, I can reach that zone I want.
The first time I had heavy petting worked too.

I was really depressed about the fact I didn't and dont have a C, but relaxing, having fun with a fantacy or two helped a lot. Being anxious about it can kioll it dead. Its not a race, explore your new body and enjoy!

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 02, 2011, 12:54:22 PM
Maybe you could give Ally, Siren, Chloe, myself and the rest of us frustrated gals some lessons . I think your class would be lying room only??? hee hee.

Oh as if that wouldn't bring out my hidden Lesbian streak! ROFLMAO!!!!

(It wouldn't be the first time I introduced others to the wonders of orgasm, only the others were all GGs - no offence intended!)

(Having said that, I'm looking forward to getting a We-Vibe Touch Ruby myself )


  I had my first O on day 37 with this  ,  , My second was about a week after with some help from well some male body rubbing  ,( no intercourse  )  and of course alot of mental stimulation , and my 3rd was with heavy petting ,and  lots of foreplay..... I have found that mental stimulation is VERY VERY important although I must say I knew this pre surgery due to the fact that I had an orchiechtomy about 30 yrs ago and I was able to reach that point without touching myself ......As for the Lelo G-spot  toy I have heard nothing but good things about it and cant wait to have my own I will be purchasing one on my next visit to McGinn in 2 short weeks at this very nice little place called SWEET ESCAPE in New Hope , ahhh maybe Ill just order it on line now lol lol lol

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 03, 2011, 06:05:04 AM
That is hard to understand what is meant (with the emphasis on VERY VERY). Mental gymnastics sounds exhausting.

A fantasy I can comprehend but all the talk about mental and head work makes it sound unnatural. I dont want to play head games with myself for hours to reach something I dont know exactly what. It doesnt sound natural to me, sorry.

I'm not saying this is what you ladies re experiencing, it is just what it sounds like when I read all of these responses about mental.

I am left frustrated when I try that, as happens to Ally as well, according to her OP.

Thanks very much for your input and for trying to help.

hugs,

-Valerie

Hi Valerie

It is possible you may be taking our replies a bit too literally - it's difficult because we are trying to express something in words that is basically a rather individual and private thing, so forgive us if it isn't coming over right.

I assure you it isn't "unnatural" at all, nor indeed is it hard work or difficult. Nor does it really involve "head games". Obviously I cant talk for the others but the point I personally was trying to make is that, from what I can recall, as a male all one had to do was see something mildly erotic then vigorously pull a bit of skin up and down for a few second and bang that was it.

As a woman it is a more "integrated" experience. Things happen more within a "context". Your mood at the time and the the thoughts that you are having become somewhat more important factors. It is not just a "physical" thing any more, it is emotional too. I'm trying to explain this as clearly as I can, but it is so difficult to put in words, The important thing to understand is that when you find the right stimulation for you, it will happen and it will happen reliably too.

I was lucky. Possibly because I was so young and inexperienced I just found that it all clicked into place and from day one I never had any problems. I can bring myself to orgasm any time I want, and like Northern Jane I have never yet had a sexual encounter which failed. I think part of the problem is that if you have been used to something working in a particular way for a long time and then it changes, maybe it becomes more difficult to unlearn previous techniques.

So please don't get discouraged or indeed too hung up on what we are saying. We are just trying to give you some pointers to help you understand the subtle differences that may be contributing to your difficulties.

In the beginning I was shocked by how intense it was and by how long it kept going. I identify with a lot of what Jenny says, although now it is more difficult to describe the difference from before. I have trouble now remembering what it was like even though I know that it used to be another way. Yes, it comes more from inside, builds like a wave and keeps going and going. It can become too intense--I don't like vibrators, etc--a hand is so much more amazingly amazing. And there is so much more variation. Something new always. So much.

I don't think anyone mentioned the effect that hormones might have. I know that when my estrogen and/or progesterone is higher I am much ruttier. Also, male pheremones drive me absolutely crazy. Females, not the same at all.

It's like you need to discover a different path to happiness in your brain. But not by playing fantasy games whatever. In the beginning I saw colors. And I never saw colors ever before...

Quote from: danimunj on May 05, 2011, 09:36:38 PMIt's like you need to discover a different path to happiness in your brain. But not by playing fantasy games whatever. In the beginning I saw colors. And I never saw colors ever before...

I think that's what I meant by different triggers. Sexual response changes first with HRT, or at least mine did quite dramatically. Yeah, the waves and stuff (and sometimes I giggle a lot lol).  But it still took a while to process that into how to deal with it physically, and then again after surgery.  It's like discovering sexuality all over again, and in a sense it truly is.

I'm a brand new woman, only a few months post op.  My GT began working with me on "female sexual triggers" and was encouraging me to explore my new body for feelings in the months leading up to surgery.  She's apparently also quite experienced at sexual counseling and has raised issues I'd never thought about.

     Dr. McGinn has also made this a big deal and suggested I read "The Science of Orgasm".  She wrote the section on transgender orgasm.

     I think maybe too many of us see surgery as the end of the transition road and we're all done from there.  I don't believe that for a second and this discussion shows me I have a lot to learn.

      I've spent my life pretty much asexual, out of disgust with my body.  Sex as a guy just never appealed to me.  I'm going to work with my GT on learning how to have sex as a woman and hopefully learn how to enjoy my new body better. 

     It's also been suggested to me that I explore reading about sexual practices of lesbians, as a means of educating myself about female physiology and sex as a female.

      I see no reason to have to figure this all out myself, when I have so many resources to learn from, not the least of which is this forum.     I intend to immerse myself in learning from experts how all this works.  It's certainly easier than than the frustration of trying to figure it out on my own.

Quote from: Valeriedances on May 06, 2011, 08:56:52 AM
My roommate, a cis-girl, tells me she doesnt use fantasy to orgasm. For her it is just hand stimulation with her clitoris. I dont know if we can apply the same to us though.

She said it took her a long time to learn. At first she couldnt at all, then with practice she could eventually get there. Now she can in moments with the right spot.

Well, afterall, one has to remember that the largest sex organ in the body is the brain.

Quote from: Re: Joyce on May 06, 2011, 06:51:53 AMDr. McGinn has also made this a big deal and suggested I read "The Science of Orgasm".  She wrote the section on transgender orgasm.

Yay another McGinn girl! I'm 10 months and counting. Her discharge instructions also have a lot to say about orgasms. I'd love to read that book, too.

This is from Dr. McGinn's instructions, I don't think she would mind me sharing this here (edited):

Quote from: Dr. Christine McGinn (edited for length and content)16. Sensation. Erotic sensation of  the vaginal area is a complex subject and the more informed you are, the more you will be able to enjoy sexual pleasure following surgery. Hormone levels, emotional state, and partner acceptance play an important role in your ability to have an orgasm. Often it takes some experimentation and effort to learn how your new vagina works. I recommend the book "The Science of Orgasm" by Beverly Whipple to learn more about how this process works. I helped to edit the chapter on transsexual orgasm. It is important to note: if you were not able to orgasm prior to surgery, nothing we do in surgery increases your ability or likelihood of reaching orgasm after surgery. There are two nerve pathways for orgasm in both men and women.

The first pathway is penile/clitoral. After your surgery you should be able to experience clitoral pleasure because the dorsal nerves of your penis have been preserved as a clitoris. .. Even if you experience some loss of clitoral bulk due to poor blood supply or scabbing, those nerve roots are still present. The area that corresponds to these roots is just below the mons pubis. By applying pressure to this area, you can stimulate the orgasm reflex that travels through your spinal chord to your brain. This may take several weeks to happen as the nerves heal and learn their new position. Vitamin B6 helps with this process. During the healing phase you will experience odd feelings that have been described as "shocks, zappers, tingles, or itching". These can take you by surprise and happen at inopportune times. This is normal nerve healing and should dissipate after several months.

The second pathway is g-spot/prostate. This is a separate nerve pathway that was discovered while doing research on patients with spinal chord injury. This pathway can also produce orgasm, but through the vagus nerve, which runs outside the spinal chord. Your prostate is still intact with all of its nerves. It is located about 1 inch past past the pubic bone when you insert your finger into the vagina. It may feel like a soft almond and when pressed may cause some clear fluid to come out of the urethra. This maneuver can help with lubrication during sex. It can also cause orgasm. Be sure to explain all this to your partner so he/she knows how to pleasure you. If you find this area to be hard for you or your partner to find, the same "lip fillers" like collagen or Juvederm can be injected to aid in locating this area as an off-label use. Some have reported increased pleasure from this G-spot enhancement. This should only be performed by a professional with complete knowledge of transgender surgery. We do offer this service at Papillon Center.

Before I finish with this topic, I will touch on the importance of two more issues: Hormones and Psyche. Hormones can greatly affect your libido and ability to experience sexual pleasure. They can also affect the amount of lubrication you produce. Genetic females do have some testosterone that comes from the breakdown of progesterone (this is why many females experience increased libido right before their period). After the testicles are removed MTF transsexuals have little to no testosterone and I recommend a small amount of testosterone or progesterone following surgery.

Your state of mind plays a large role in your sexual satisfaction. If you suffer from anxiety, low self esteem, fear of what your partner is thinking, or post operative depression then your sexual satisfaction may suffer. The excitement of surgery is quickly replaced by the reality of dilation and recovery, which can often cause depression as your body adapts  to the changing hormone levels, and use of pain medication. If you are finding that your sexual satisfaction has declined, do not hesitate to find a therapist that specializes in sex therapy. Sex therapists are specifically trained to deal with these types of issues. If you are having trouble finding a trans-experienced sex therapist, contact AASECT on the world wide web.

I was discussing this discussion (?) with my therapist this morning.  She sighed and said that we all need to realize that there are a tremendous number of cis females who have difficulty achieving orgasm.  For us to think and expect that we can just march right in, lay down and have it happen may be a little presumptuous for us.

      So, as a result of all this, I told her I was almost ready for some sex toys  :blush:

     I guess I'll be taking lessons...   

g-spot/prostate...front of the vaginal canal or back?

I'm aware it's in the front for a natal female, I'd assumed it would be behind the canal for us but I'm wrong?

Quote from: Tammy Hope on May 08, 2011, 12:10:20 AM
g-spot/prostate...front of the vaginal canal or back?

I'm aware it's in the front for a natal female, I'd assumed it would be behind the canal for us but I'm wrong?

Dr. McGinn explained where it is on post-operative women in the 3rd paragraph of the quote above.

Quote from: Tammy Hope on May 08, 2011, 12:10:20 AM
g-spot/prostate...front of the vaginal canal or back?

I'm aware it's in the front for a natal female, I'd assumed it would be behind the canal for us but I'm wrong?

Front Tammy