The most dreaded place in an androgyne's workplace: The washrooms. At least, for me it is.

When I applied for my job I was going through my legal name change. I hadn't received my new birth certificate yet, so I had to sign all legal papers as my birth name. The hiring staff refered to me as my alias and respected that part of it. At the time, I was admittedly identifying as a transman. But as the hiring process continued, my personal identity started shifting and I no longer really want to live my life wholely as a male member of society. I like the way I am, being perceived as either, not following society's gender roles. I enjoy pissing people off and I'm okay with the fact that my gender deviance may anger and threaten someone enough to harm or kill me.

So despite my newly accepted identity as genderqueer/androgynous, my employers have accepted me as a transgender man, and have told me I can use the men's washrooms and locker room. I did use those facilities during my first few days, and this was when my identity began it's shift.

Using these facilities is starting to make me feel very insecure and uncomfortable. Being seeing 100% as a sissy boy who hasn't hit puberty yet makes me feel very condescended. Condescension is the biggest treatment I can't handle. I can take homophobia, sexism, racism, etc. without feeling too threatened, but being condescended hurts.

I can't just start using the ladies' washroom. I mean, physically all I have to do is walk in there, do my thing, and walk out. But in reality, I'd make the women uncomfortable, because I do pass as a young, teenage boy and not at all in any way as a woman. Once my hair was sheared off I no longer resembled anything remotely female, even when I wear make up.

I wish this plant offered single-person, non-gender-specific washrooms like the last automotive plant I worked at. There's a family washroom hidden around a corner at the grungey Greyhound station I stop at to bus to my hometown. It's my favourite place in the world. A toilet all to myself. It's gross, it's nasty, it's probably a business location for prostitues and old men and it probably has remnents of cocaine on the surfaces. But it's MINE. It doesn't judge. It doesn't segregate. It doesn't categorize. It's for everyone who has a bladder and a bowl. (Or drugs or sex organs.)

What to do, what to do. I mean, I could just get used to being seen as a man there, but it's really frustrating. They have me on a line that's extremely intense work. They don't put women on it, not to be sexist but simply because the work almost demands testosterone-enhanced muscle development. I know there are very strong women out there who could easily kick the snot out of any man, but on average, many women don't care to become body-builders who can repeatedly lift 50-60 pounds for 12 hours straight. I've asked my supervisor to change to another line (the one next to me involved half as much lifting and more guaging and recording or the parts). He either doesn't know I'm female or assumes, since I so obviously want to be a man, I should be able to do a man's job. It hurts. I mean physically. Emotionally, I'm just getting annoyed with this one guy, the set-up guy, who shives me around like guys do and talks about nasty sexual things or makes very sexist comments about women. He's also really rude to my Ethiopian work partner, who I'm becoming pretty fond of.

Anyway.

My main problem is the washrooms. I'm kind of going off on a tangent... I'm drinking lots of coffee so i can stay up all night and prepare for my up-coming 12-hour, 7pm-7am night shift. :S

In public I switch up which washroom I use depending on which sex I happen to resemble more. Like, if I'm wearing make up I use the women's, if I'm not I usually use the mens. At work, I can't exactly do that and get away with it.

Any thoughts, similar experiences, words of advice, general comments on the topic?

I have a male body, and don't look androgynous, so I don't have quite the same problem.

I work part-time in the warehouse at a UPS hub (my tenth anniversary was the first of April). Near my work area are two bathrooms: a single one for women, usually with waiting women lined outside, and one for men that has three urinals so close together that the center one is rarely used, and a stall that is usually so foul as to be unusable. I have found a restroom in a part of the building not used by our shift that is clean and private; perhaps your building has such an area (every time I find unisex bathrooms, I think of Susan's). My hours are usually about four of the hours between about 4 am and 9 am.

For many years, I unloaded trucks, wrestling packages weighing as much as 150 pounds. I can handle 130 pounds by myself if I only have to move it from belt to cart or cart to belt. We can ask for help with any package weighing over 70 pounds. I worked closely with a guy who once grabbed my ponytail with one hand, held a packing knife in the other, and threatened to cut off my hair. He also said all Jews are rich; Obama was not born an American; and only some talk-show host named Savage gave the real news. Supervisors do a lot of yelling, and rarely acknowledge good work.

We have one manager who talks tough to everyone, so one time I gave it back to him once, moving forward step by step and, not yelling, but speaking forcefully, as he was forced to back off, using every inch of my 5'6" (he dwarfs me). I think he respects me now.

Now, because of my age, I work in Small Sort, staffed by women, two old men, and occasionally men recovering from injuries. I have bonded with the four women, and we have the tightest team in the building. There is no backbiting, no anger, no yelling, and we help each other when needed. We bring in cookies to share. I love it, though I don't get quite as much exercise. I've had to join Weight Watchers.

Do you work in a union shop? I never thought much about unions, but since working here, Teamsters has made a big difference in my life: job security, safety, and benefits. The union leader once told me, early on, when the company wanted me to quit because I'm not as big, strong, or fast as some of the others, just show up on time every day, and do the best you can. That has worked for me. It is a challenge, and I've come to love the challenge.

Wishing you the best,
S

Thanks Simone. I guess if I keep at it I'll get used to the job; my biggest worry though is that I'm still way below our target production; instead of 51 parts per machine per hour, I'm making only 25-40. Some days we get an overtime worker on the line to help and we hit our targets but I still worry about keeping my job. I told my supervisor I'm falling behind and he just, repeated what I said as a question, nodded, and just stood there... So I walked back to my machine or else I'd fall even more behind waiting for him to do something. I don't get this guy. He's not mean or angry, he's just ... a robot. I swear.

I'd love to sit down and talk to him about it but it's not easy to have a serious discussion when there are machines screaming all around you and you have pretty much no opportunity to say anything.

Anyway. Back to the washroom issue, I have thought about scanning the place for a single-person washroom. Or at least another gendered washroom in an area where no one knows me.

Anyway. I'll just keep on keepin' on and hope for the best. I'm looking for other jobs that pay well and offer full-time. Just to kind of start over. Unfortunately I was going through a transition and wasn't completely stable with my identity when I got this job.

My warehouse environments have had unlabeled bathrooms. I supervised production at a DC that was filled with macho guys, and the production req's were 150 tires /hr pulled, 300 loaded. All by hand. Testosterone fueled muscle development was very much required to hit those numbers before your grace period was over, if you couldn't you were fired. It was a matter of money, really. I've personally been involved in the firing of 3 good people who just couldn't keep up. We offered full benefits, twice min. wage, and almost unlimited overtime to working class people, they were all very replacable.

As a former manager who acted much like your boss in the interests of massive production, I wouldn't care if you had used the bathroom out in a dirt hole as long as your work was up to par. That's just business. I believe you are in the unenviable position of going through a mtf's most harrowing workplace hassle. I hope you find a better place, if not, you will have to transition twice there, effectively. The bonus: labor environments are results centric environments at their core, and if you can bump yournumbers none of this will really matter to your bosses.

Hmm. They let me go. I wasn't hitting the targets. I was told I wasn't a good fit for the company but I know that's why. And by asking twice to move to another line I was probably seen as a complainer.

Emma, your story does make it easier to accept. I understand the viewpoints of employers and the company I worked for made very low production as it was. My work just added dead weight to a declining company. It wasn't personal, I just couldn't make the cut. Maybe if I ever do decide to take testosterone, I'll apply to a plant again and try the tough work. Already in just a week of no work the muscle mass I gained it atrophying. So maybe it's not that I was too weak for the job, I just don't have the right chemistry for that kind of work. :/

 

It is difficult and painful to maintain the pace expected of a young, seemingly fit cis male in those environments. Some maab cis people can't even do it. Don't worry about it, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Round up your contacts and head out to the next place as fast as you can, employers would rather you have no gaps in work history. I hope you can find something comparable soon!

Edit: I remember our decline, and your story is so familiar.