Uhmm...Hi. ^^:
I've never really done this kind of 'introduction' thing before, but...something about going to this site makes me really want to, so, I figure, there, I will. XD
Well, I want to start off by saying I'm really happy to find this place, and this site in general for being loaded with information and help...I've had a hard time up to coming here, it feels like getting shelter from a downpour. As a little kid, I was depressed because of bad medicine, and at one point I had a conversation with myself on why I should even be alive anymore, feeling like my life was destroyed...I thought about what I wanted to do, and felt like I should try to be a strong mother that could raise a child to have a 'good life I never could'...But that's when I first realized that I was transgender: I can't be a mother when my birth gender happens to be -male-. The thought quickly felt impossible, and I promptly shoved it away. Ever since, I just ran away with the whole thing. When I started to grow up, it felt harder, so I completely put all my transgender feelings towards fantasies like video games and online role plays... Out of it, I understood that I was transgender, but I refused to acknowledge it.
Up to several months ago, this -worked-...then one particular day, I had a bit of a busy schedule, and I pretty spontaneously broke down in the dead of the night. The roots of my own personality forced the surface of it to reflect on all this lying I've done over the years, and it tormented me to finally have to deal with all my running. Ever since, I just couldn't put it away, and it's been making life pretty tough.
I've found that when I opened up to my friends, they say it coming and welcomed it, usually pretty well. When my family found out... (or for my siblings, when they were told) uhmm...not so well. My parents take it hard, but they made their stance to just not want to be involved and to still love me, while my immediately older brother thinks I just need to have...erm...bed romance. The other one understood it pretty well, though.
So all-in-all, things seemed great. Several of my friends even stepped forward to be supporters for it all. But...that's just the problem. They've been inconsistent and I've been stuck researching these things as best as I could. I see a therapist, but we only spend one hour out of a month per month because I have a minimum wage job. That's why I feel like this is a safe haven to me. It feels like I have finally have somewhere to turn to, and be free minded on all of this.
But-yeah, compounding on it all, I've been having 'awakenings', mostly in the dead of the night. It's like a primal mood, where my personality acts more pure of itself rather than being denying of how it is, and I freak out because I have to come to terms with my body's gender. My pure side has been calming down, but she's also been being very much more common and mentally vocal about her feelings.
But-yeah. I'm 24 years old now, but after everything I've looked into, I've been feeling very strongly for hormones. My pure side has been very consistent and insisting of this, even though (most of) my supporters are instead insisting I should cross dress and call it a day. I don't hate cross dressers, but I know that's just simply not who I am. I'm also getting told I have to pass really well or else I will lose support, and though that would help me stay safer, it feels like it's pressure that's overlooking that I just want to feel that I am my mental self physically...Like I said earlier, it's all just a crazy mess...
So, that's my story, really. Ok...uhmm....what else...---oh-hey
Quote from: HeaderIf you are new to the website or the forums and wish to publicly introduce yourself, post here. Tell us your story, how you came to join our family, life lessons learned, and tell us what makes the world a special place for you.
I've come to join this place because I was having no luck trying to find info on how the hormones can help a 24 year old, and a friend ended up linking me this site. I liked the thoroughness, and seeing as there's a forum, I felt ready to jump in and join up. ^.^
I feel like I learned a lot through this, and it's made me feel as though I acknowledge my spiritual side and nod towards my instincts a lot. I think you'll probably find me to kind of relate the way I talk towards it, but I'll try not to dig too deeply into it in, considering the rules seem to be rather wary of people doing that. XD
The world's special...because it holds so much...Everything and everyone works forward the ways that are natural to them, which I feel is very worthy of respect, and everything has an innate beauty one has to merely gaze into properly. It's all amazing, and it's a little sad to see all kinds of people who scorn people for being different and 'inferior'. I think that people see it to an end, though, and to know that people can see a level of respect and beauty for the world is great too. ^^
Uhm, I guess that covers it. Pisces and rabbit zodiacs, Introvert-Feeling-Intuitive-Perceiving. ^^ There, NOW that covers it! I hope to get along with everyone!
