Hi there guys. I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in the voice therapy discussion..

I just wanted to enquire around an issue which has been bugging me lately. For perhaps the trans people here who lived with parents/family members/spouses during transition..

What I'm having a little difficulty getting my head around is your voice changing whilst still at home. Around the family members who see you every single day. Just suddenly, one day talking in a way that matches the gender you identify with. Did this happen to freak out the people you lived with? How were their reactions? Did they tell you to stop it? Or was it something they just grew to accept? I just think it would be something very difficult for cis people to get their heads around.. From speaking in the (masculine) voice you have had for your entire life, to suddenly one day deciding that you're gradually going to start speaking in a female tone/develop your female voice etc. I know it takes time and that you have to train it so it feels natural and sounds the way it should..

But it's just something that I think about from time to time. I just imagine that change would be quite difficult for people to accept and cope with. As someone who is very paranoid about the way people see me.. I imagine this will play on my mind quite a bit when I finally begin to transition. I think this would be something I would have some difficulty grasping and doing. I'm awfully self conscious you see.

Just thought I'd share my thoughts about that matter!

Let me know what you think!

Hopefully I explained myself well enough and I haven't confused you all!

xx
Lauren

How do you think your family will react lauren?

It is not generally an overnight sort of thing...it is gradual not unlike some of the physical changes related to HRT.  They may realize SOMETHING is different but not know quite what until everything is finally explained. 

When I was still living with my wife I started to gradually increase the pitch and modify the resonance of my voice (this was before I told her about my situation). It really was quite gradual, and she honestly didn't notice at all! My male voice is naturally very deep and sonorous - if you know the band Pantera listen to the singer Phil Anselmo talk and that's pretty much my male voice. When I watch home videos from those few months and hear myself speak, it's essentially female, and I think "Oh my god, how come she didn't say ANYTHING about that?". To me the change was very, very obvious, and for her to not even notice was bizarre, in retrospect. We were always pretty open, and she would have said something if she'd really noticed. The only explanation I have is that the change was so gradual that she just became accustomed to it.

But then again, although she is super-intelligent, she is also not the most observant person in the world. I had been on hrt for 8 months or something without her knowledge, and she didn't even notice the breasts or the complete change in skin texture, facial features etc. and believe me when I say those things changed dramatically from hrt.

I'm very similar to you lauren. I am very sensitive to how people react to me. So I wanted to take things very slowly on all aspects of my transition. I started just wearing pajamas around the house before I went to full outfits, and before I went out with them. And on my voice I switched from my chest resonance to my head voice and I've been here for about 6 months now. Now I'm slowly pitching it upward to where I'd like my girl voice to be, to give them time to adjust.

The people who I'm around all of the time don't notice until I show them (as hard as that is, I think I'll quit altogether doing that). I just called my Bio friends about my upcoming trip and they didn't recognize my voice at all. They were afraid to ask who it was

As far as family goes, I'm only out to my mother, sister, and brother-in-law. None of them have said anything negative about my female voice, not even upon hearing my voice for the first time while coming out to them. I'm not full-time and present androgynously, but they have no issue at all hearing a female voice come from my mouth. Their complete lack of reaction almost makes me feel silly for being so nervous about coming out to them. 

The same goes for friends I've come out to. All of them have been remarkably unfazed by my female voice, and one has become so accustomed to it that my male voice seems foreign to him despite him having known me for over seven years. The last time I visited that friend I had done so with someone else not in the know so I used my male voice during the visit. The next time that friend called me he said he'd missed hearing my voice during my visit. :3

I'm very thankful to have such accepting friends and family. (So far, at least. My mom said the day I came out to her "Good luck telling Granny."  )