Fun with Google time!!!

A Modest Proposal

Should be an interesting read for some.

Quote from: FinnBear on May 11, 2011, 12:35:35 AM
Me three. I'm already having to work at not smiling around little children. Especially little girls who I constantly smile at because they're so cute. I'm really paranoid that's going to get me into a lot of trouble later and I hate, HATE; the fact that because I'm percieved as male that means I'll no longer be able to interact with children the way I have been. It really sucks.

Smiling at them is fine. Everyone smiles at kids. It's going up and interacting with them (or worse, getting them to come to you) that'll get you in trouble.

It does kind of suck. Both genders have some really unpleasant baggage. Trans men are suddenly perceived as a threat, which colours people's perceptions of our interactions with them. We have to be careful about looking aggressive around other men, we have to be far more careful with cops, and we have to keep our distance from kids. We're also saddled with society's homophobia, which makes it dangerous for us to look vulnerable or feminine or have any sort of physical or emotional intimacy with other men. Trans women are suddenly seen as easy targets, which limits their freedom and makes them afraid for their safety. They have to start worrying about things like traveling alone, going out after dark, or being alone with a man. We all just have to realize the world sucks, and adapt to it.

Quote from: kyril on May 10, 2011, 05:11:59 AM
There's nothing inherently unmanly about liking, caring for, or interacting with kids.

However, it is something you're going to have to learn to be very careful with. If you're read as male, you simply cannot freely interact with other people's kids. It's seen as suspicious, dangerous behaviour. My father (completely upstanding respectable totally-non-pedophile innocent citizen) had the cops called on him once when he approached a 4-year-old boy whom he saw wandering alone in a mall. He was trying to get the boy to come with him to the security desk. He walked up to the boy and knelt down and greeted him, the boy ran away, somebody called the police. Most adult men avoid other people's kids (and my dad typically does too, this was an exception prompted by safety concern) not because we don't like kids but because we don't want to arouse suspicion that we like kids too much.

so the cops and everyone just believed the parents immediately without even looking up a criminal record or anything on your dad to see if he actually was a pedophile? (i know you said he's not) they just took their word for it and called him? i understand people would never want to let an actual sex offender go freely around the streets but to just assume because he's male and approaching a kid doesn't every single time mean that particular guy is a pedophile they could have actually heard his side of the story too and did some kind of background check.

Quote from: Noah the brave-ish on May 11, 2011, 02:37:53 AM
so the cops and everyone just believed the parents immediately without even looking up a criminal record or anything on your dad to see if he actually was a pedophile? (i know you said he's not) they just took their word for it and called him? i understand people would never want to let an actual sex offender go freely around the streets but to just assume because he's male and approaching a kid doesn't every single time mean that particular guy is a pedophile they could have actually heard his side of the story too and did some kind of background check.

Oh, he wasn't arrested/charged or anything. The cops just tracked us down in the mall, got his name, ran a background check, and questioned both of us separately. When I and the security officer we'd talked to corroborated what he said, they let him go...but they spent a good 15 minutes questioning me making sure he actually was my dad and I was OK and nothing weird was going on.

(The people who called the cops weren't the parents. Just some bystanders who thought the interaction was suspicious. The boy had wandered off alone. We went to the security desk after he ran away from my dad and told them about it, and they tracked him down and I assume reunited him with his family.)

ah ok. got it.

Just popping in with the comment that I absolutely loath all interaction with children. I especially hate how because I'm the youngest 'female' in the room or at the party, that they get fobbed off onto me.

'This is not my child! When you had this child I did not sign a contract that said I would take responsibility for it, feed it, or entertain it while you sit and chat with your friends. This is not my responsibility, it's yours' is my general outlook on all things younger than eighteen.

That being said, I think guys should absolutely have the right to love children as much as women, and certainly shouldn't be emasculated because of said adoration!

Quote from: Kohdy on May 10, 2011, 07:12:21 PM
I'm one of the few guys here that cannot stand being around children. They freak me out. I don't know why, I've just always been really disgusted and disturbed by little children, especially before I knew I was trans. Fur-children, especially dogs, is another story. I see a dog and I go all gaga over it like a stereotypical female would go gaga over someone's baby. I just love baby animals a billion times more than human babies. 

Yep, that's me exactly.  Love dogs, not a fan of children, and I find babies just plain disgusting.  Puppies on the other hand though, I nearly squeal over.  I work at a kennel/upscale pet resort, so I thankfully get to see tons of baby animals, and no baby humans.  Except when the in-house trainer brought her newborn in for the staff to meet.  I was blessedly in the back daycare group and missed that awkward experience.  "Do you want to hold her?"  "Oh hell no".

I definitely don't feel that liking or disliking children is inherent to a particular gender.  A girl at my work who's very feminine absolutely abhors children, much more than I, and actually has a phobia about babies; she had a panic attack when that trainer shoved her newborn at her.

I think the societal suspicion of men who like children is sad and wrong, and I feel bad for those who really like kids and won't have as much contact with them now, but I have to say, I'll benefit from that messed up stereotype.  No more invites to baby showers, no more "isn't my kid just adorwable?", and no more expectation to talk to young children, which has always been awkward and uncomfortable like whoa.

Quote from: MaxAloysius on May 11, 2011, 06:01:27 AM
'This is not my child! When you had this child I did not sign a contract that said I would take responsibility for it, feed it, or entertain it while you sit and chat with your friends. This is not my responsibility, it's yours' is my general outlook on all things younger than eighteen.

Oh don't get me wrong this is still how I feel when people start assuming I'll watch their kid or take advantage of the fact that I love kids and just let their kid wander around near me thinking I'll just keep an eye out. The other day I was doing homework and an ex-friend of mine was all 'hey can you watch my kid bye.' without even waiting for a response. I was quite pisses to say the least.

God, I hate that stereotype. I'm fine with kids, I think some of them are hilarious and my friend's nephew is like a son to me. Not being able to see him right now because of "family drama" is horrible, I feel like I lost a part of myself or something.

Personally, I don't think it's feminine to care about someone or something, I just think it's human. And good, to boot. It is unfair, though, and cisguys get it horrible too. My boyfriend loves kids and people are always looking at him like he's some kind of sicko for waving or smiling back when they do it to him.

Agreed, babies scare me too lol. But I do like young kids/older teens. I like how my cousins (13 boy and 16 year old girl) look up to me sometimes. (I really hope they still do that when I come out). And I also want kids of my own sometimes. It depresses me that I may not have kids of my own one day. I also hate it when people try to find female qualities about you to try and prove that you are not a boy. I have a feeling I'll get a lot of that crap from my family when I come out. 

I like kids, actually. Maybe not babies specifically (mostly because they cry a lot and tend not to like me much) but I do like kids. My cis-gendered male friend goes absolutely to mush when he sees cute babies. I'm talking full out ga-ga noises, cute faces and baby gibberish. I think it's amusing, but it doesn't make him any less male than he is.