Kia Ora,

Fear of the unknown seems to be one of the big mother's when it comes to transitioning and no matter how much planing one does, the unknown lies just out of one grasp...And this dreaded unknown is packed full of possibilities, some might end wholesomely   others unwholesomely  ...

One will never know what "will be"  until what "will be"  becomes "what is" ...One can spend a life time worrying about what might never happen...

You might want to ask yourselves this..."What's the worse thing that can happen if you transition?" And if it were to happen "What can you do about it?"  If you "can" do something to reduce the problem -you will...So why worry? and if you "can't" fix the problem you will have to adapt-we human are very adaptable... Again why worry?



So back to coming out...What's your procrastination? If you had to name it, what is/are the thing/s that is/are holding you back???

Metta Zenda     "No poll this time" Perhaps my polling obsession is over...

1.  I have a very fun, comfortable relationship with my family, and I am afraid they'll never be able to see me in the same way as a son/brother.

2.  Occasional fears that I'm either just crazy or pushing myself to the other side of the gender spectrum out of my dislike of being female.

Kia Ora Lee,

The crazy one sounds familiar... At first I thought I was also going nuts, until I realised I was 'already' nuts  and what a relief that was 

Metta Zenda

If I had to pick one reason?

I'm not sure it is worth risking my relationship.  Every time I think about losing her I hit a wall.

There is more, but that is the one I'm having trouble really getting past.

The big one for me is I am currently dependent on people who are not and would not be very supportive.

Ok, just reread where the title and section XD Sorry XD
Ok, fear for coming out?  Pretty much that they won't listen to me when I try to explain myself.

Of the only two people in the entire world whose opinions I care about, who I really could not stand to be rejected by, the one that I have told thinks I'm crazy and refused to speak to me ever again (and she hasn't, and it's been over a year). Now I'm even more afraid of losing the other person when I tell him I'm trans. I have no idea what his reaction will be, or if he'll ever accept me. I don't care if the entire world thinks I'm a total freak/whatever, as long as he doesn't, but I have no idea what to expect when I tell him. I've been procrastinating for months now, and tomorrow is when I'm absolutely going to tell him.

Kia Ora,

For those who have commented so far...If the worse comes to the worse...What can/will you do about it?

Metta Zenda

Oops, I was answering the following quote initially.

QuoteYou might want to ask yourselves this..."What's the worse thing that can happen if you transition?" And if it were to happen "What can you do about it?"  If you "can" do something to reduce the problem -you will...So why worry? and if you "can't" fix the problem you will have to adapt-we human are very adaptable... Again why worry?

Anyway...

If my relationship was suffering I'd have ample time and opportunity to stop if I felt it was right.  I'm not even sure I should be as afraid of that happening as I am, because she's been nothing but accepting, encouraging, and positive.  It's a better start than a lot of people in my position can hope for.

Knowing that doesn't make it worry me any less, unfortunately.

Fears of coming out:
1. Upon coming out  my family would just flat out not beleive me and I would have to justify to no end who I am.
2. My family, being devout Catholics, would disown me call me a sinner and yadda yadda yadda.
3. I would lose my job almost immediatly upon coming out because my boss and my bosses boss are both related to me. As well as two employees that work for me are related to me. I know i would lose my job because I have had a "covert" conversation with the big boss and he said basically they would find some reason to fire someone that they found out was gay because it is a "family" company.
4. After losing my job my transition would absolutely be stalled, because I would lose all the money i would be making otherwise
5. My parents would use the money that I owe them as a means to stall my transition for years to come.
6 My family would do serious bodily harm to me. As an example of what I've been told over the years, "If you ever bring a black girl home, consider yourself disowned, and I will kick your ass!". Thats a quote from my father btw.

I guess those would be my worst case scenarios. The best case is that they would accept and support me, which to be honest I am quite certain would never happen except maybe for a couple of my siblings. But if and when it does come to that, I will be moving far far away from them. I am already trying to distance myself from them Financially, emotionally and spiritually. Financially, I am saving up enough money to fully transition, or atleast to become passible full time. Granted this is pushing my coming out time farther back then i would like, but in my situation I believe its my best option. I know that when I do go full time I could potentially have difficulty getting a job in my chosen field so, I am saving the necessary funds now when I am making good money. Emotionally, to be honest I am not making much progress. I haven't dated anyone for 10 years now. I don't have anyone that I would consider a true friend (except for 1 person online whom I've never met IRL but who has always supported me unconditionally). But on the other side of that coin, when I do move I wont have anyone holding me back making me want to stay in the same city. Spiritually I have come to terms with my own beliefs, and that whats important to me. I don't want to get into religious beliefs at the moment so I will leave it at that.

Sorry for the rambiling but I thought this a good opportunity to vent/rant/finally say some of these things "virtually out loud"

<3 Teagan

The reason I feared coming out and then when back in were:

• Lost of the love of my family, AKA Parents.  They were very old fashioned and some what phobic.  Well Daddy was and Mom just went along with him as women of her era did.
• Being attacked, or killed.  Yeah I know many did it then, but I was afraid.
• Thought I could beat it.  After all it was only a thought and thoughts can be changed, right?
• Relied on God to make me right in the head.  But his servants here on earth only osterized me and attacked me physically.  Turned out I was right on that one.
  
• I thought I could change my thinking.  I worked really hard to be the "man" everyone expected me to be.
• I began to think I was not right in the head and was just sick.

As it turned out I was right in that I was not in my right mind.  After all "people in their right mind don't change their gender".  So I am changing my gender which makes me not in my right mind.  I am just a crazy person.

But I would rather be a crazy female than a sane male.  Make any sense?  Oh and BTW I did not change my gender, just the package it comes in.  They are now beginning to come a lot closer.

I'm not worried about my family hating me or whatever. Unconditional love is just that, unconditional. If you're not getting that from your family it may be better to move on. In my case, I am procrastinating because while I know my family won't shun me, they will definitely not believe me. They don't believe me when I tell them I have a sleep disorder. When I don't have that stupid doctor slip that collaborates what I'm saying thats just how they are. And yes, I am self meding; I'm poor as dirt part time college student. The idea of them telling me "I'm wrong" about something I've felt so deeply and powerfully for so long, it's frightening as to how much it would hurt me.

So, my plot is to let myself just keep feminizing until someone brings it up at the next family dinner. At which point I'll be like "well...you see...its like this..." the more ammo I have on my side to convince them this is for real and for the best, the better off I am.

Err let's see

1. Nobody knows really knows 'me' how can they when I don't know myself but it doesn't mean i'm not terrified of their reactions to the real 'me'
2. It seems like strangers are the only ones encouraging me to be myself. where's the encouragement?
3. How do you show someone the real you when they're oblivious to the fact that this isn't you?

last one's probably the big one, of the few I've told the reaction seems to be 'I didn't expect that'

What holds me back is fear.  I'm afraid of losing my wife and one friend.  I love them both so much.  I love my family too and I hate to say it but if they couldn't accept me as female it would their problem.  To bad for them.  If I lost all of my other friends it wouldn't bother either.  As for the world in general....couldn't care less of what it thinks of me.  It's just all about two people.

Kia Ora,

I wonder what triggers ones brain into flipping the 'Throw caution to the wind" switch ? When nothing has actually changed for some trans-people, they are still in the same situation as they were before with family, friends work/school, etc, but for some strange reason they just "Go for IT"

Metta Zenda    

Having to explain to people when they ask 'But why?'..... and 100 other questions. Some people just will never get it . Some don't want to.
All I have to do really is say to anyone, I respect your life and your choices so you can respect mine. I am happy and that is it.

But, funnily enough today, I was moving into a new house after spending 7 months with the Mother in Law. My partners gay cousin was helping me and just before we set off, the Mother in Law said I have to get on with my life now (since the passing of my partner a few months ago).
The cousin jokingly said to her , watch out I might turn Ben gay and we go out to the gay night clubs, Ben dressed as a woman and he'll pick up the women. I had a little laugh to myself but, her reaction was not to bad actually, even though it were only a joke to her but, little does she know..........

Quote from: Zenda on June 04, 2011, 12:38:11 AM
I wonder what triggers ones brain into flipping the 'Throw caution to the wind" switch ? When nothing has actually changed for some trans-people, they are still in the same situation as they were before with family, friends work/school, etc, but for some strange reason they just "Go for IT"

When nothing else has changed, time is still a factor.  It never gets easier to ignore.  As I get older I want to start HRT more and more, but without having reached a point where I feel capable of handling transitioning I don't think I'll get it any time soon.  At the same time, I'm not sure I'd reach that point without first having been on it for a while.