Kia Ora,
Tis said we humans are social and sexual creatures, and in order to feel comfortable we need contact with other humans both in a social and for many sexually intimate way...
Along with other fears related to transitioning,
the fear of being alone is a big one for many transitioners and sadly the chances of this eventuating are high...However this fear can cloud ones judgment, causing one to put oneself into dangerous/life threatening situations...For example rushing into a relationship and being "eager" to please the partner, for "fear" of losing them, even if they disrespect you and treat you badly...Some might think in situations like ours "Beggars can't be choosers!", but I believe one can and should be a "chooser" and not the looser...
I for the most part am comfortable living alone and have no pressing desire for a long term monogamous/platonic relationship...As an asexual bi-romantic/affectionate person, my needs are filled when I interact with my friends and associates...I guess I'm fortunate in that I live in a huggy, touchy, kissy, environment where whenever we meet we hug
and kiss each other, not in a sexual sense, but just to show each other our appreciation of the other person kindness and warmth that comes from our friend/relationship
...
But this contentment has not always been there...When I first transitioned I was as lonely as hell
, I still had friends but I missed my ex and children's company...Going to bed alone was difficult, I missed the cuddles and hugs every night from my family, which at times was unbearable...I did an awful lot of pillow hugging back then...
However I managed to overcame all this by
changing the way I looked at things...I had been so caught up with the somewhat
selfish "Woe is
me...Poor old
me crap!" that I forgot how it must have been for my ex and children, they too were also experiencing loss...
It was when I started to feel joy in that they still had each other and that I had been given this opportunity to be true to myself and others, I began to appreciate more and more the position I found myself in...By looking at the positive side of things...I still saw my children, I was making new friends, I was living the life I was meant to live...
We can be the centre of attention with all our family and friends around us, but still feel alone...And the extent of this loneliness all boils down to how we choose to see the situation we find ourselves in...
When one is so engrossed in one "Self" this leaves no room for others and it's others that make all the difference...
So my advise is, fill your hearts & minds with the sympathetic joy that comes from sincerely wanting others to be happy and wishing them well. and in doing so you will begin to reap what you sow !
"Our problem is that inside us there's a mind going, "Impossible, impossible, impossible. I can't, I can't, I can't." We have to banish that mind from this solar system. Anything is possible; everything is possible. Sometimes you feel that your dreams are impossible, but they're not. Human beings have great potential; they can do anything. The power of the mind is incredible, limitless!"
Lama Yeshe Enjoy!
Metta Zenda
