I denied liking girls for years, so it ended up taking extra long to come out about that. These days, as in the past few months, (though I'm still in denial, I don't deny the question any more, just change the subject) my family asks if I want to be a boy or my mom straight up asks me if I'm trans, I'd get really defensive when saying no. Now that I think this is what may be going on with me and I definitely need to see a gender therapist, how do I tell my family I might have been wrong in my adamant denial?

well obviously i don't know your mom, but if she even knows what "trans" is (or at least seems to have some idea) that's worlds ahead of a lot of moms, so it sounds like she could be pretty sympathetic to your case. i'd just ease your folks- and yourself- into it a little by saying that you are "questioning" or "having some issues concerning gender" and want to see a therapist that specializes in gender. it takes a lot of people a long time to figure out this stuff, so don't be trippin' and being hard on yourself for not knowing exactly where you stand and what you want. i think its pretty common for a lot of people to have a "denial" phase when it comes to accepting themselves as "trans" or "genderqueer" or whatever, so i'd say just be honest with yourself and be like, "ok. i don't know right now, but i am figuring it out" and try to be open to what works and what doesn't. 
generally it seems to me that anyone who devotes a lot of time to wondering if they are "trans" probably is... or, at least, is not cisgendered. cis people, generally, don't wonder if they are trans all the time (i'm sure maybe there are exceptions, but i think that would be fairly unusual). the next step is sort of figuring out how you want to deal with it (i.e. name, pronouns, transition, etc). good luck.

It's okay. Just tell her about it. Say you used to deny it because you were still struggling to figure yourself out and didn't want to admit to anything just yet. That should be perfectly reasonable. It would be cruel of someone if they didn't accept the fact that you can grow as a person and learn more about yourself and come to new conclusions that you had pushed away in the past.

absolutely agree with 'bcv' your mum wouldnt ask if she didnt know you are questioning yourself and hey there is nothin wrong with changin your mind, as we learn more about ourselves the path becomes clearer. follow who you are, dont be stubborn just because you have denied previous allegations im sure she knows somethings up. if she has allready guessed your halfway to coming out,im sure she will be thankful that she knows whats goin on for you.

I totally get where your coming from ..... I felt the same way ... My wife asked me numerous times if I was trans and I adamently denied it ... I wasn't really ready to admit to myself and later I wasn't ready to talk about it.   I eventually said it and her response was I need to see counseling --- she isn't totally comfortable with me transitioning yet but knew I needed to talk to someone.

So, I suggest you say ... something to the effect of ... I know I have denied it but now I feel ready to discuss my confusion around gender identity and want to talk to a counselor.

Thanks a lot bcv, you've got a good point. Although when she asks she does it with this look/tone like she's really hoping I keep saying no.

And thank you Rob for sharing your experience.

Quote from: Rob on May 19, 2011, 01:09:25 PM
So, I suggest you say ... something to the effect of ... I know I have denied it but now I feel ready to discuss my confusion around gender identity and want to talk to a counselor.

I like this and will probably try to approach the topic and say it this way.


I appreciate it guys!

Agreeing with Rob. A lot of people recognize denial for what it is, I know when I finally came out and said "Yeah, I'm not really into girls anymore...at all...remotely" there was a lot of "Well, I kinda figured that" from my friends. Even though I'd denied the hell out of it for years, would flat-out get pissed when Julie kept saying I was gay.

I would be like, "So... remember when you asked me if I wanted to be a boy or if I was trans?  Yeah... I lied when I said 'no'."
And then if you want you can add your reasons why.  (even though it wasn't really lying, that's just an easy way to them at first.)
And then you can add that you want to see a gender therapist now.