Hello everyone,

Well, at the end i did end up meeting up with a therapist yesterday. Unfortunately, she was not a gender therapist but she definitely made me realize a few things.

I told her everything about me like I told you all and as she was trying to figure out where I stand. She did point out a very good thing though and I think it is very important as well. She asked me, if i ever try to from inside lead a life of a woman. OK, you feel you should be a woman from inside - but did you ever experience it. How do you know you like it. Do you know what being a woman really is? First, you have to figure that out before even taking a step forward. Don't go on just the appearance. It's what you feel from inside. Next day, when you get to work, see how a co-worker is. How she is, her mannerism, her habits, the way she communicates. She feels I need to experience being a woman from inside. I asked her, how i can do that. She said, if you are really one, you will figure it out. It got me thinking and I feel I should first express myself (doesn't have to be by dressing), rather by feeling it. I have another session with her next week, but wanted to ask you all if what she said makes sense.

I came to work this morning and at work I am going to be Natalie. I have to do things what women do? but what can I do? I know I am a girl from inside, but how do i express it without being obvious.

Natalie.

From what my discussion was with the therapist - before I reveal anything to my family I should be sure what I want. I am going to start to experience being Natalie especially when I leave for work. I am going to be who I feel I am from inside - will have to be a little subtle. I have to experience this not just for a short time, but atleat 6 to 8 months before i come out to my family.

I am going to bring out the Natalie in me by living it out - am i making sense. Like dressing under my male clothes, and doing what other girls do at my work, change my habits, be softer. If I end up looking like a sissy - it's ok if i can limit it. Am i making sense?

Natalie

Hi Natalie,

I think that is advice many of us get from our therapists. From my point I had to decondition my  learned male behaviour, I listened to me and started to join in with the female banter and not the male. Took more interest in people families, learn the names of your colleagues children and ask about them, be concerned about people and empathic with them. Start to listen how females talk and construct sentences, it is different from how men talk. As you develop that habit you naturally become 'one of the girls' because guys start to ignore you. And I think most of it is subconscious acceptance and rejection. Paying attention to how woman interact, walk, talk, etc. Remember we are also a spectrum, some woman are into masculine stuff some are not, neither is right or wrong. This also applies around the house. OK I live alone so I do all the housework and ironing and cooking. But do you do 'female' stuff at home (and before someone stamps on me, please read on). When was the last time you cleaned the toilets, did the ironing, cooked dinner. Maybe, and many couples do, you already share the house duties and the child care duties, but many 'men' don't. It's the woman's job to do this that and the other.  I'm presuming this is universal, but I still get amazed by guys who drive 'the wife' to the grocery store and wait in the car while she does the shopping, he has done the male thing, taken her to the store and will lift the bags into the car. But shopping is for girls .

There is a huge difference in wanting to wear woman's clothing and being a woman. There are many cross dressers at Susan's who enjoy cross dressing and that is fine by me and I fully support them and help when I can. The only time I cross dress is when I wear male clothing, even then it can be cute with a few accessories . Yes I do enjoy wearing nice clothes and I do enjoy the experience of getting 'dolled' up and I love the attention that I can get going out looking great. But to me it is a female experience. I'm fully aware of when I go out with girl friends that we are competing like crazy - with each other. Why do woman need a new dress every time they go to an event? Because every other woman remembers  what she wore last time. Her date probably hasn't noticed what she is wearing anyway  .

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: Rabbit on May 23, 2011, 05:01:17 AM
The therapist tells you to pretend to be someone else?...  *sigh* Why not simply be yourself?

Being transgender shouldn't be about learning to "play a part". It should simply be about feeling free to express the person you ARE.

Exactly. I never pretended to be someone else, I never tried to play a part. I'm just me, no more, no less.

I also don't condone hiding things from people I love. It causes more distrust in the end

Quote from: Sarah7 on May 23, 2011, 11:45:46 AM
<3

The only things I am willing to change are, a) the result of testosterone damage, and b) things I am too afraid to do when presenting as male.

I've worn a mask for 27 years... why would I want to pick out a new one?

Well, everyone can and should change their bad habits. In the workplace there are certain activities that are inappropriate for women to do, yet acceptable for men to do and vice versa.
Women - hug each other a lot , men might have harrassment issues with that.
Men can cuss and no one bats an eye.
A woman carrying a case of paper upstairs is looked upon as a potential safety hazzard.
A woman is allowed to get emotional on the job. Men can talk to men more freely about non job issues, and the same thing woman to woman.

I dont like any of this conversation.. Therapist by nature introduce ideas..and unfortunataly  doubt..   I am not the know all tell all,, but what I can say is.. you have your comfort zones, and you can't imagine anything because you are not there yet! Deconditioning is part of transition, you are not going to do this in a week! You have the TG feelings (you judge that, screw everything else) the who, what, and where are second nature...  REALLY ! Once you know you are comfortable with your cards go from there. I really think that your therapist is trying to diagnose rather than guide, your last sentance stated what you wanted the rest is up hill from there (in my opinion) 
Sorry  hope everyone does not hate me :-)

I'm not sure exactly what the therapist was suggesting to you, it sounds like they have NO idea what goes on in transgendered minds though.  For us, the "life" of our birth gender does not work and that leave us with something else to look for. 

Thank you all for giving me your suggestions. At the end, I am pretty comfortable with what she has said. Yes, I do feel that I am woman from inside - but I have never actually expressed my female side. She wants me to start expressing it and then I will know the truth. And, yes it does make sense. Until I don't start expressing myself, how will I know if that is truely me.

In the last couple days, I have just relaxed myself and tackle or handle things not like a man, but more like how i feel from inside. I have started to wear undergarments to work, and it really feels nice from inside because i get that female power in me. I have seen a little change in my mannerism as well and it just feels natural. And as time goes on, and I start feelign more comfortable in this, then yes this is truely me and I will come out to my family and face the consequences.

Natalie.

Sorry but this just sounds wrong to me on so many levels. I "knew" how I felt when I was 5 years old, I didn't need to start thinking like a woman to get that. In fact when I went into therapy my goal was quite the opposite, teach me how to live with this, I didn't expect to change. I've never heard of the try it and see if you like it routine. You either ARE or you ARE not.

Any therapist that condones dishonesty is a quack IMO. I'm sorry but too many people hurt others to gain what they want in life. The time to discuss this with your family was before you sought treatment, not after you "try it on for size"

A lot of people here gave sound advice and at the end of this it seems you came back with what you wanted to hear vs what you were told and ran with it.

I don't read the therapist's advice as "wear a mask" or "be dishonest". I see it as search out your inner feelings and decide if you are living as yourself already, or whether you are aspiring to something else. Are you wanting something that doesn't fit? The details of "how to think like a woman" may be somewhat suspect, but if you approach it as a self exploration, I think you may find out some very valuable things about yourself and what it is you believe you want or need. Depending on what you learn about yourself in the process, you can make your own choices about next steps. They may or may not involve that same therapist. Perhaps you'll simply adapt to being more comfortable and confident in your own skin. It does sound like you want to know yourself better.

Best of luck with whatever direction this takes you.