Here follows the tale of how a close-minded co-worker ruined my happy hour and almost frustrated me to the point of coming out as trans:

Yesterday we got out of work early for the holiday weekend and a bunch of us went to a bar for happy hour.

We were all having a lot of fun. I was talking most of the time to one of my co-workers who is openly gay. We were having a good talk about work and whatever. He bought a round of shots. I bought him a beer as a thank you and then a round of shots for whoever was left.

Out of nowhere, he started asking me what I had against him. Why I always treat him so crappy? Am I really as open minded as I was saying I was? This totally caught me off guard of course since I never treated him poorly or even cared enough to.

The odd thing was that he kept trying to make me out to be a homophobe against him. Obviously not the case.

He knows my roommate. She used to work with us. He also knows she's gay. And yet...
(When I told her this story, her first reaction was, "Does he know we live together?")

He then started asking me if I wanted to ever get married and have kids. I told him that wasn't really any of his business but admitted that I was discussing it with my therapist. He then wanted to know what I was seeing a therapist about (again, none of his f'n business) and told me that I should feel that I could come to him with any problems. Huh? Was he trying to get me to come out to him? I don't know.

After the bar we all went for coffee and he continued his preaching. This time he was talking to me and one of our former co-workers. He kept  blaming the 2 of us for his hardships and claiming that we judge him because he's "so ->-bleeped-<-gy." (sorry if that offended anyone, I'm just quoting him.) I mean, he was talking way too loud, the baristas were enjoying the show and I was feeling embarrassed.

Before we split for the night I tried to diffuse things and just told him that I can't imagine what he's gone through, but at the same time, he has no idea what I'm going through.

It did occur to me that I could tell him about my GID and figure he'd understand but then I thought that he didn't deserve to know, especially when no one else did, yet. I owe it to more important people in my life to be told long before I tell him.

I bought him a beer as a thank you and then a round of shots for whoever was left.

Kinda like Oprah EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!, except for the back row, they only get a bike.

Bar rules are that if they bought you a shot, then you buy the same in return.  The real adult rule is you 'buy a drink' or 'buy a round' and let everyone decide for themselves what they want.  That way see if you've been a real dick to me last week I can order the most expense drink they serve.

He then started asking me if I wanted to ever get married and have kids. I told him that wasn't really any of his business but admitted that I was discussing it with my therapist.
You think it's too personal to say if you want the 'wife 'n kids' thing, but you don't mind telling him you are in therapy.  And hey, that's impressive, most people go to therapy after the wife and kids.  Nothing like married with children to make you think you need therapy.

or even cared enough to
Wow!  Just wow.  That's treating him WORSE than crappy.

Quote from: tekla on May 28, 2011, 03:08:32 PM
I bought him a beer as a thank you and then a round of shots for whoever was left.

Kinda like Oprah EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!, except for the back row, they only get a bike.

Bar rules are that if they bought you a shot, then you buy the same in return.  The real adult rule is you 'buy a drink' or 'buy a round' and let everyone decide for themselves what they want.  That way see if you've been a real dick to me last week I can order the most expense drink they serve.

He then started asking me if I wanted to ever get married and have kids. I told him that wasn't really any of his business but admitted that I was discussing it with my therapist.
You think it's too personal to say if you want the 'wife 'n kids' thing, but you don't mind telling him you are in therapy.  And hey, that's impressive, most people go to therapy after the wife and kids.  Nothing like married with children to make you think you need therapy.

or even cared enough to
Wow!  Just wow.  That's treating him WORSE than crappy.

Remind me never to have a drink with you.

"Or even cared to" means that it never would have crossed my mind to treat him any differently than other co-workers. He's not a friend. Neither of us have made any attempt to be friends.

We're civil. I say please and thank you when I need him to do something but he doesn't like the way I was thanking him. It wasn't a big enough gesture, apparently.

Whatever. I just wanted to write it out and get it off my chest, not really looking for a discussion.

Seems to me like your co-worker is reveling in the fact that, as far as he knows or cares, he's the odd one out, the center of attention, and the alcohol causes him to say everything he thinks, wanting to be a teenage drama-queen. Considering you don't see him as a friend, and if you don't intend to make him one, there should be no reason to entertain his antics. Being cordial and polite should be enough, and giving him personal secrets to spew out to the public the next time he gets drunk, doesn't really serve you much.

Quote from: Morrigan on May 28, 2011, 05:30:11 PM
Being cordial and polite should be enough, and giving him personal secrets to spew out to the public the next time he gets drunk, doesn't really serve you much.

Which is why I didn't give him any personal information. I'm just in shock that he tried to get it out of me.

Sounds to me like the alcohol was relaxing the brains and exciting the mouths.  About normal for humans.  His alcohol content was talking, heaven alone knows where he was.

He sounds like he might have a chip on his shoulder and was trying to provoke a negative response which his paranoia has convinced him is true.  Not all gay people are happy and confident no matter how flamboyant they act.

Quote from: Hermione01 on May 29, 2011, 01:21:50 AM
He sounds like he might have a chip on his shoulder and was trying to provoke a negative response which his paranoia has convinced him is true.  Not all gay people are happy and confident no matter how flamboyant they act.

We've all got our issues. I would never blame anyone for my lot in life. I would never take it out on a co-worker that I barely interact with on a social level, levying ridiculous accusations at them.

FYI, he's not flamboyant.