So last Monday I finally got the courage to come out to my mother. I sat her down and through tears I told her I wanted to be male. She seemed confused but supportive. After we had spoken everything felt awkward so I went out for a bit to clear my head. We haven't brought up the topic all week until tonight. One reason I held off telling her is because she tells people my secrets. Not in a harsh way but because her way of dealing with issues to tell her friends and her friends are the kind of people who bitch and pass judgement on everybody. Tonight she got very drunk which is something she always does and I hate it. I heard her arguing with my sister so I went to see what the problem was. My mum said that my sister was giving her grief about me to which my sister seemed to storm off. I didn't understand but I had the feeling she knew. I asked my mum and she said that on some level my sister already knew. I started to get teary as I felt a bit betrayed. Either my mum had told her or she had seen the transgender leaflets that my mum has basically just left out in the open in her room. Needless to say I went to my room and refused to speak to anyone. I've just been to see my mum now who is still a bit drunk. Shes trying hard to understand but is struggling. She hasn't said anything against it but it does hurt when she says "I'm heart broken" and "It's not fine". Part of me almost wishes I didn't come out but I know I have to at some point and this can't be avoided. I just wish it was easier and I know I shouldn't complain when there are people out there who don't have the support from family or friends. Another thing that surprised me was she said I didn't have a male brain and that I was a great female. I don't understand why she can't have seen it but I guess you only see what you wanna see.
