Hi all, I'm Tak 26 and IS(though Hajira may fit better since both sides have their own personalities at times), guess a quick intro might help here.  Never had the proof to back it and any time I've asked my parents I get the question dodge scenario, but pretty certain I'm another IS mutilated by the wonderful medical institution*cough*sadists*cough*.  Was in the Incubator thing for a week supposedly for Jaundice when I was born and then had a "hernia operation" to remove a bag of fluid at 3 months.  Always had a feeling I had been mutilated and my normal mannerisms I was usually presumed a girl upon first intro.  Phantom PMS(actually would miss school from the pain) started when I hit puberty at nine(was athletic so didn't bud until I was 18 and it scared the hell out of me btw and I tore the muscles to stop it so no one would notice) at 14 I was told by a dr. I hadn't entered puberty, because my testosterone and androgen levels were "too low" and my estrogen "too high" and didn't believe me that I had started puberty 5 years earlier.  When I questioned the dr. he refused to call it anything and wouldn't tell me what the cause was or anything, he was more comfortable chalking my emotions up to bi-polar.  Even had my body betray me when someone groped me without my consent and I had the momentary delay to get out of the situation.

All that said one can conclude why I'd be a bit more interested in the possibility of transitioning naturally over cosmetic surgery and I figure that will give a better base on info, i.e. I may have a head start in doing this, but also may be some help in finding the missing key.  So here goes I was half decapitated by a boxed office chair five years ago that fell 15' and cracked me in the back of the neck/skull.  From that point I was introduced to cannabis, at first I noticed pain relief, but not really anything that great, but it beat being pain.  Eventually my circumstances required I ghost what I smoked, and it forced me to convulse, eventually I was able to "grasp" twitching muscles and control them, and thus reattach severed muscles, tendons, nerves, even reset bone.  It got me thinking that it was indeed possible to change gender through will and our existing design, but I hit a snag and gave up until recently.  The muscle control is part for certain(deconstructing the penis and testicles and converting the retracted tissues to a vagina, clitoral hood, ovaries, etc.), the free mind from the cannabis is likely of help, I've added grape juice and chocolate and it picked up more.  And while those additions have helped, it wasn't enough, though I stumbled upon something else from repairing my vocal chords through mimicking others singing, matching a woman singer caused another increase, it felt like my body was trying to change, it was a cloak of energy resonating some kind of effect(lol it matches "Egyptian magic", in fact the mental perception of seeing oneself as who one desires to mimic, made learning new vocal chords easier and quicker, in fact now within 3 tries I can usually match through the song).  The further I've pushed it, I definitely feel different, my breasts hurt more and so to my pelvic bone.  Even had a fantasy/day dream in which I was a woman with another woman, and could feel the insertion of toys, even experienced climax(men got so screwed on orgasms btw) even felt like I was glowing the next day, just was so at peace.  All said though I still seem hung up, I know I'm close, my next steps are kicking the nicotine(blocks estrogen and only reason I smoked in the first place) and adding wild yam, fennel + fennel seed and fenugreek supplements.  If anyone has any notes that may help they would be much appreciated.  And thank you to this community for existing.

Hi Tak

That was quite interesting. Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.

thanks nice to see support for those going through this(though it would be much easier if parts of society didn't try to convince us we don't exist, so childish).  It's really odd I've been kind of "guided" towards all this, sometimes gentler than others, though loved taking the header out of the tree right around the time they revealed Son Goku's head injury in DBZ, sadly wish I was kidding -.- {especially after I was exposed to twilight, the way I thought used to be a lot like "Sephiroth", so not an innocent by any stretch, and being a ledger already tied enough to the werewolf and vampire mythology} can't tell if the muses are screwing with me or what, I kind of doubt coincidence though after losing count of occurrence.  It is leading to some very interesting information, muscle control and ki control(controlling the electromagnetic field through the nervous system) properly applied could allow walking on water, levitation, human flight, teleportation, telekinesis, telepathy(though that one's more like a sense we forget we have and never hone), energy manipulation, even transmutation and creation of objects, without breaking any laws of physics in fact based heavily in them.  As well as a possibility that people may define as "berserker"(wild, no true transformation, better described like animal puffery), "lycan"(tame, transformation capable, but semi limited control), and "vampyre"(absorbed, turn on and off at will), though they're more like Totem states than becoming a different species.  But the mythology checklist from ancient to modern has some basis in existence, just gotta remember the author can only have so many perspectives, even explained a lot of theology, just don't tell the Judeo-Christos-Islamist, they're gonna be pissed lol especially the later two when they get the original meaning of the word eunuch at the time the new testament was written, in Greek.  First groups just crazy and can't believe anyone else could figure out stuff that their own book says they got from the Egyptians in the first place, if it's been figured out once the puzzle will be solved again, because it's not unsolvable.  IMO that is, *looks up* lol sorry TMIIOH(too much info in one head, huh kinda would be pronounced like timmy says his name in south park, go figure XD)

Hey Tak, welcome to Susan's. Here your identity will be affirmed, and you're free to be yourself. I look forward to seeing you around 

You have some interesting ideas. At one point in my life, I thought I could experience physical intimacy as a male-bodied person if I only conquered my mind, despite my female body. I also thought I could discover the ontological origin and nature of reality, truth, and consciousness through the alteration of my portal to experience, my mind. I still have a fascination with psychonautical exploration of mind, body and existence through altered states of consciousness, but I've come to believe now that the only way I can transition my body is through medical aids (natural or pharmaceutical) and with surgery. I am in no way am speaking for you, but in my own experience, I found myself holding more unorthodox ideas (such as Truth constituting my penis... ) when I was ingesting too many drugs, too frequently. I've cut back, and I now think my penis is prosthetic.

In my own experience, while ego-loss is aided through the use of psychedelics as well as break-through emotional experiences and realizations (gender related and otherwise), sometimes sober contemplation and meditation on being a part of a larger system with many players is important to prevent psychedelic ego syndrome, as I like to call it. I've felt the pull to start thinking I can affect change on things that are out of my control, that I can have all knowledge, power and experience. But that's just my own experience.

I hope we can have some conversations, I haven't heard from many people here with views like this, and I like to hear alternative perspectives 

Thanks Mikah.   I'm not a psychonaut by choice and not a big fan of that term, shaman or miko is much more fitting, just more complex world to see through and a lot hidden in puzzles to protect it.  Been half tripping dmt from the header out of the tree at 5, even "lost" my right eye("horus" lol, was stung by a scorpion too), the whole surrounding eye socket was broken and retina half detached(still is but mostly healed) at which point my third eye began to compensate for the right eye failing.  So more like "Alice" dropped into wonderland in my case, didn't even try pot until I was 19(helped so much with calming the DMT down though).  I did get drunk at 3 by accident, would have liked that one on camera, sounded a bit like Gohan from the DeadZone movie. 

Physical healing isn't actually a question, I'm my walking proof, think basically along the lines of self actualization of the placebo effect.  Been through my fair share of rabbit holes, dirtied my tail, but it's actually all based in some sort of truth and even Zoroastar/Alexander/Yeshu/etc.'s philosophical theorem is provable, the bible is technically best described as a puzzle left by the last great pharaoh, the rich are just once again too stupid to get it, it's a riddle, to test, to prove a fit leader.  Ptolemy was never truly pharaoh, as the last true pharaoh's last will and testament remains unfinished, including never properly being lain to rest, making Alexander the last pharaoh, he remained unburied into the end of the roman empire.  Similar occurred with Ramses II and the culture hero Iha, which would later be the basis of "Horus the younger" in the book of the dead.  Though perhaps for an easy example, the route of all language is actually quite funny, we took the basic ape language or a, e, i, o, u, and y, which to this day we hold above the rest.  The consonants were picked up and added to the language from mimicking animal calls for hunting and from animal care taking, etc. and more recently exchange of languages allowing for the species to create larger catalogs of their environment and thus allowing all we have achieved.  As for the levitation, water walk, etc.(forgot sky dancing -,-) like I said can prove based off of physics(well and casting off Darwinism for Lamarkian evolution), otherwise we couldn't walk, the muscles in our body actually physically support the weight of the body under more than a ton of atmospheric pressure.  So as the muscles can lift upwards in a sense that does not have limitation, walking on water means supporting ones weight enough so as to not break surface tension, levitation and flight being higher extensions of such skill, a ki release to charge an aura(bruce lee did it when he kicked the sand bag 15') could actually in turn be used to disperse the atmospheric pressure around oneself allowing for a drastic increase in such skills. 

I'm quite the oddball, figured out way too much, like how to make the sharingan real, the tomoes are additional pupils in the ciliary muscle over the lens, creating an effect similar to multiple cameras the brain then takes the extra information making it easier to anticipate movements as well as learn and repeat them.  Mangekyo increasing the overall field of vision opening the ciliry muscle more, exposing the lens, possibly allowing too much light in turn could, damage the lens leading to eventual blindness.  A super genjutsu like Tsukyomi or Ameteretsu then would be a result of transmitting data to another brain through the eyes hacking in a sense the 3rd eye or the atmosphere/objects respectively, rather than simply receiving it.  Byakkugan being the ciliary muscle closed, then playing the sonar information collected by the nervous system or feeling on the reverse side of the ciliary muscle.  No clue on rinengan yet, but first and foremost I'd say a larger lens the rings then being lens' that perhaps play the information from the secondary bodies, though it's transmission distance would be limited to roughly half the size of a stadium, thus Nagato required the "chakra poles" to increase transmission distance.  Heh again with the long post ^^;

oh and as for my ego, it's pretty much dead lol ^^;

Just a suggestion, Susan's place isn't very friendly about drug use, and it may be beneficial to departmentalize shaman discussions and gender discussions, at least when it involves drug use. Unfortunately, references to illicit drug use is usually enough to be banned, and would be more welcome on other forums/sites such as https://www.dmt-nexus.com/, erowid.org, and bluelight.ru. But Susan's is a great place to discuss and read about gender related topics. And perhaps your ideas would be taken more positively by mods if it was in the "other" board in the religion forum? Not to apply the label of religion to your world view/practice if you don't identify it as such, but it may be a more suitable board, as far as the mods are concerned.

Oh, and I'm not sure if you're a fan or not, but I'm going to The Blast Off fest this summer, and Mimosa the DMT king will be there live. Just needed to tell someone who might be excited haha

Edit: I forgot to include 420chan.org, though quality varies greatly between boards. I'd suggest the /psy/ board for example, BUT NOT the transgender board, it's horrible.

Gotta be honest fitting into conventional thought, sounds rather paradoxical under the circumstances of my own existence and rings like one's parents saying you can dress in drag just don't let anyone see you or know it's you ^^;.

Was actually trying to show that "spirituality" is based out of the heritage of what IS people are, why I know natural transition is possible.  If someone wants to go through the medical practice for transition, that's fine, not my business, just not the approach for me and perhaps others would prefer another option as well, which will upset the religious perspective no matter what, in fact really a fair number of perspectives will get pretty shaken, tiptoeing around it won't change that.  Just trying to better show my perspective, and the basis of how it's possible, so others can perhaps provide the missing data or even be able to do so themselves if they want to, but the primary focus is gender transition, seems the right place to me.  So as a study would be physics, philosophy or perhaps Hermetic-ism.  Studying existence doesn't work chained to this concept of cutting up all of existence into little sections.  And I really wouldn't refer to a broken or over active pineal gland as "illicit drug use"(I damn sure as hell didn't enjoy it, only recently do I understand what was going on, it was like a walking nightmare and led to insomnia).  As i didn't do so by choice and wasn't taking anything, my body was producing it, like everyone's does just in higher doses and outside of sleep, it's closer to a disease or failing organ than illicit use.  As for the cannabis use, I'm in Colorado, a medical state, so it's no different than doing so through hormones or surgery.  I'm not promoting cannabis use, not going to tell people what to do or not to, "I am my siblings keeper, not their jailer", got their backs but can't protect people from themselves.  Nothing is gained from with holding information from people it can help and that is part of how I'm going about it, doesn't mean it's the only way, in fact a number of shaman traditions such as music and dance teach muscle control as well, but not how I learned it and I'll take trouble for telling the truth over praise for lying any day.

As for the shot on the monotheists, was more a historical note than really a religious comment, but may have been overkill.

Like I said not really a psychonaut, "I just fell down a rabbit hole and hit my head" as it were.  I don't do the festival thing, and I've studied erowid.org, but I see no need to go to another substance.  As is I'm taking a big break from cannabis once I have my body healed, I'm not that big a fan of it, in fact I had to chose between being with my soul mate or healing so I could give her the world she deserves(originally was just gonna take the world over for being cast off, then was set to free it, now I just want to protect it for her sake, end result dead ego) because of that plant, so it's just bitter medicine to me anyway.