Since my best friend(only one in my personal life I've come out to) stopped talking to me I've been staying positive and trying to be optimistic. The thing is, I'm on t blockers and I've lost the confidence to ask my endo to put me on estrogen. I'm even more fearful of coming out,  my grades are horrible and my social life is non existent. Since the closest trans friendly therapist that my moms insurance covers is pretty far my classes have gotten in the way of me being able to go anymore. It's like all the progress I made is gone. I feel like I'm right back where I was at when I found out I was trans. I just turned 20 and I'm mad at myself because I've become fearful again.

Keep your chin up and get back to working! I know that I have moments of general suckitude as well, but then I remember: "Crap, I'll be like this forever, might as well keep moving forward!"

Do what you have to do to be you!

tori.

Dearest, classes are too important. Even though they are getting in the way right now.

You have the Eblockers. That is an enormous step but for now, stick to studies.

I've seen your photo and you won't have many problems.

Hugs

Wow, only two people. Well, thanks guys, I appreciate the responses. I'm trying to force myself into doing my homework and studying, but I just feel like I don't care about it anymore. I don't know I just have to keep on trying.

Believe it or not tori, that feeling comes to every one of us when studying. It's just exhaustion.

I always think the worst mistake many people make is not sticking to study routines. OK, I realise you've started your studies, (like 10 years ago). I'm just saying that, there needs to be a time for study and a time for play.

But never take a break from the study. If you're routine is 2 hours per evening then those two hours are strictly for study. Doesn't matter what's on TV. Visitors will need to come back later. No alcohol. and so on.

Think the reason you've only had two replies however is that most people know where you're at and would just say the same thing.

But believe me, when you've finished, however long it takes, it'll be worth it.

Just get the work done!

If you can't focus try playing some music that you like or find relaxing. I always found that helped a lot for me when I tried to study. Think how much easier your life can be if you get good qualifications and how much easier it will be for you to achieve what you want to with your life.

That is how I got through university anyway
That and my epic laziness leading to paranoia about failing causing me to study harder than anyone I know!

I too am taking classes, and even though I am further along than you, just keep going forward.  It does get better, trust me.

Tori, I hope you can keep everything in perspective. If you are in school-study time comes first. Time management is the key to good grades and is crucial to having a positive outcome.

When I first started college, my first test scores were deplorable-I was last in my class. My A&P professor gave me a time sheet and I had to assign a certain time limit to everything I did during the day and night accordingly. When I identified the time I was wasting, my test scores shot upward drastically and I was able to get my Associates degree with honors-in part thanks to my teacher and getting good study partners. Not too shabby for someone who is already old and set in my ways. You have to set your sights on the goal-graduating with honors and doing everything you can do to get there. Everything but family should take a back seat, in my opinion, & I am confident that you can do it too.

I apologoze for not posting in sooner but have alot going on here at home, please forgive.

Randi

Thanks, everyone, I'll definitely take that time sheet into consideration Randi.