To be sappy and quote Jewel, "in the end, only kindness matters."  In support of others, I've joined (pointlessly, as it always turns out) into some of the recent heated debates only to promptly have my ass handed back to me on a platter.  At times it has had me anxious to the point of tears.  The fact is I'm not transgender and I don't include myself under that umbrella.  I mean no disrespect or slight to anyone, but that is very much a minority opinion here and though it is often shouted down, it doesn't change us; it only silences a valid alternate viewpoint and often causes hurt feelings.  I have always tried to cultivate a persona here of being non-confrontational, of quiet helpfulness, and I've learned the hard way my joining into the noise and confusion is not being helpful to anyone, least of all myself.

I've placed this here in one of the few places I still feel at ease posting.  Though I am post-op and consider myself post-transition as well, I still need support; I still have questions concerning our unique circumstances whose answers cannot be found in too many other places.  For that reason I stay here, and for the camaraderie with other like minded friends I've made here, though many have moved on, as well as hoping to be able to offer support to others who travel our same path.

But I'll leave the controversies to those more suited for it; I just don't have the emotional fortitude to engage in these dominance wars, as MillieB (who left because of it) so aptly called them.  For those who enjoy controversy that's fine, but some people just aren't constructed that way and that's fine too.  Now SarahB, a quiet, beautiful soul has departed as a result of all the bickering as well, and speaking privately with Valerie I know we are both also on the verge of moving on ourselves and I don't think she minds me saying so.  Honestly I'd rather go bake a cake.

This is not an invitation for the posting in this thread of unctuously pious platitudes, which are worthless and only make the one posting them seem preachy and arrogant.  We don't need further chiding or instruction.  What we need are hugs, and compassion, and understanding, and the ability to look beyond differences of opinion and see the bigger picture where, in the end, it truly is only kindness that matters.

peace lilies and hugs to everyone,

Chloe

I'm glad to see that you are at least staying for now Chloe. Though I have not really talked to you I do often see you around the forum and love reading your kind responses. I woke up this morning to reading two of my favorite mods saying they are leaving so it is truly nice to see you are staying.

Or to quote The Beatles, "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

Well said, Chloe!  My own strategy has been to ignore it all and focus on love and light.  My reasons are pretty much identical to your own (minus being post-op, which I hope to be someday in the next few years).  Just don't let a message board get you down and focus on what matters in life.

No words. Just a hug.

Quote from: FairyGirl on June 02, 2011, 07:33:33 PM
What we need are hugs, and compassion, and understanding, and the ability to look beyond differences of opinion and see the bigger picture where, in the end, it truly is only kindness that matters.

You said it better than I ever could.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on June 02, 2011, 07:51:17 PM
Well said, Chloe!  My own strategy has been to ignore it all and focus on love and light.  My reasons are pretty much identical to your own (minus being post-op, which I hope to be someday in the next few years).  Just don't let a message board get you down and focus on what matters in life.

Quote from: FairyGirlWhat we need are hugs, and compassion, and understanding, and the ability to look beyond differences of opinion and see the bigger picture where, in the end, it truly is only kindness that matters.

These x100!  I don't get involved in those debates because I know I will end up being upset in the long run.  If you can stay away from arguments like that, perhaps it will be easier to stay around for the reasons you want to.  I'm not sure if I have even browsed the threads that seem to have turned the forum on its head and I'm glad of it.

*hug*

Edit: I know I'm not post-op, but I posted anyway.   

I've left this site too many times to count and returned just as many. This time around I'm making sure to only read and post in threads that are inviting and offer me a place to share my views without them being ripped apart, so far so good! Now at any site of confrontation I just leave the thread and move on. It's easy to get sucked in to debaters and feel a need to stand up for yourself but these days it's like ..."whatev". xP

I'm glad you're hanging around! *hugs*.

You would be sadly missed if you do go, so have a hug sis.   

Personally I don't mind a good debate, but it has to be conducted with mutual respect, and good manners.  After 30 years in the Police I don't mind telling people where to get off if they overstep the bounds of civility. So point me in their direction if you think they need a good serve, but in the nicest possible way of course!

All the best, Karen.

Quote from: FairyGirl on June 02, 2011, 07:33:33 PMpeace lilies and hugs to everyone,

Noli nothis permittere te terere.

Assume amici

http://translate.google.com/#la|en|

I am rather new here, and have very little reputation (none) one way or the other.  "I have not been privy to the post's that are in question, and hope not to be.  I have read many finely articulated posts by those that are leaving, yourself, and others that are impartial observers...  In my short time I have felt much of my own experiences, and focused my feelings towards where I need to be because of them.  I have developed great affinity to your posts, and those of many others, as well as the people behind those posts.  I err on the side of empathy, and in that hope I can build myself as someone here with judicious reason, and a balancing perspective.  My heart feels the loss of those great, affable, caring individuals, and hope that I can be part of bettering the collective atmosphere.  If you need an impartial, yet caring shoulder, I offer you mine.

thank you all for your sweet, positive replies.  Truthfully I was still considering posting this at all, and then found I had accidentally already pressed the "submit" button, lol.

This is primarily a support forum.  I see many people come here already fragile and broken from trying to cope with a horribly devastating condition, looking for support or simply a sympathetic ear or shoulder to cry on.  Those are the people who matter, and winning some argument by disparaging opposing views is just not worth the collateral damage it can potentially cause in such an environment.  Not ever.  I wish to be ever mindful of this, and feel I can best accomplish that by not contributing to the chaos.  I need to remind myself of that every time I login, or else not bother coming here at all.

As Muffin so wisely put it, now it's like, "whatev".
more hugs because there can never be too many

I found you guys AFTER surgery. I was lost, confused and in pain physically as well as mentally.
After reading this, found that you all had helped me heal. Now I dont consider my self to be transgendered, but a whole person. The turbulance in my head and life, has settled like a wind blown leaf.

A transgendered persons life is filled with turbulance, only to calm after correction. The pre-op section is  turbulant, in here it is calmer, a port in the storm. I can see it now, in both forums and in my own life, with the sisters that have gone before me and in those still behind me.

Fairy-girl and a few others helped me settle down and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I am glad your staying.

Quote from: FairyGirl on June 02, 2011, 07:33:33 PM
To be sappy and quote Jewel, "in the end, only kindness matters." 

I wish we all could concentrate on this kind of thing more