Well, I am enrolled to begin college this September, and I have a few concerns. Some of them are things that I can deal with... but I would really value other opinions at this point, because my ideas have, in my mind, begun to cross a threshold from safe to questionable.

My plan already was to change my middle name to a definitely female one, and my last name to something quite anonymous. I was thinking of keeping my first name, which is quite gender-neutral (that is, not having much of a bias - although I've only seen girls with my nickname).

I was also going to stop wearing guys' clothes. I don't wear terribly much for guys' clothes already - girls jeans, androgynous-type tops and things so far - but I will be taking my attire a bit past androgynous this September as well.

All of this would not even be a thought, but for the fact that I'm not very likely to "pass" (or blend. We really need a new term for that.) Those steps are all easy, but the non-passing part becomes a concern when I consider something else...

Changing my first name. I would go for something definitely female, and use my old neutral first name as a middle name, because, I rather like it now that I think of it as a girls' name. It's funny how a little change in perspective can alter my feelings about it so profoundly!

So, I may be like the "flamboyantly crossdressing gay kid named (girlname)," and I'm not sure if that's safe enough. Although, I was okay with "the flamboyantly crossdressing gay kid named (neutralname)." That's assuming they don't jump to thinking I'm trans, which may make the comments ruder.

(I would also like to gripe that I may pass if I could just get rhinoplasty and permanent facial hair removal... Other things would definitely help, but those two would probably do it. So, grr!)

I can put up with the gossip and looks... but changing my first name seems a little on the edge of what I can happily do, with safety in mind. I suppose that physical violence towards trans individuals still makes news, so it's still probably a big deal, which means it's probably not very likely to happen to me, personally...

To balance the risks, I would get a couple things out of this. The first being, it would officially be the start of my RLE. I don't believe there's anything else to do - because I doubt passing is a requirement - so, that would be great, as it opens up the possibility of SRS. That means I may be able to get it when I'm twenty... or even nineteen. I'm tearing up just thinking about it! (I could go on about how I long for that day, but I guess I'll not. You probably understand.)

The second is simple tiredness. I am getting dead tired of presenting as male, and honestly, I've really compromised the male act to stay happy so far. I'm already at the point where most people assume I'm flaming (I apologize if that's an offensive term!), so going the rest of the way would alleviate the remaining stress of the act.

But practically, my comfort isn't a factor to worry about in the long run, at least not over safety. And getting the RLE done sooner may not affect me at all, either, SRS-wise. So, my question is...

... Do you think it's worth it?

I lean towards yes. But I'm not one-hundred percent, and I need to be. Another opinion would help out a lot.

Thanks in advance 

Well, firstly "Risk of Deviance" is not on of my favoured terms, neither in Trans-terms nor otherwise. It smacks of weirdo and going Technicolor hair ain't going to help.

If you know you are a girl take if from there, please.

I guess I'm not the "sliding scale" type transitioner (that term so sucks!) but decided I couldn't do this flip-flop act and so from one week to the next I transitioned.

Make a commitment and just take it from there. I was not even on hormones, yet all started to fall in place (mostly in any case).
It's not easy! --- Honey, there is NO EASY or save way! Like that you would like to imagine.

If your time has come, I guess you will just know.

Good look,
Axelle

Thank-you. I don't think I'll do anything with my hair like that, because while it may be fun, I probably have enough to deal with before I have fun.

But for the rest of it... I don't expect it to be easy. That was never my assumption, and I know that it might be very hard. If you think there is no way to be safe, then I will just have to do my best to minimize the risk of "deviance" ... I use the term because that's what people may think this is. Though if someone were to talk to me, I could change that, because for me it's just the natural thing to do.

... When I wrote the topic I was on the high end of my emotional sine curve, but in my morning eye, I can see what you're saying. And there may be no easy or safe way to do any of this, so while I can minimize the difficulty and risk... I am even more sure that I don't want to carry on as male anymore.

Though, the coloured hair can still come in the future, if circumstances allow. I see no reason why I can't have fun being weird, save for the fact that that and transitioning may come across as too much if I did both at once! It would create a negative image, I know, and I don't want to come across as a weirdo in a negative way. I can leave it for another day.

Thank-you again for your input. I know I'm dropping the male act, but I don't have to make things harder for myself.

... Though I still have to wonder about the name. I'll have another peak at the SoC, and see if that helps.

Best wishes.

Wow, you're starting out even younger than me!  Lucky girl.

And yes, I have many of those same concerns all the time, but if there's any place to be "gender-ambiguous" or whatever level of passing you're at right now, it's college.  I guess it's hard for me to say definitively seeing as I haven't started full-time yet, but I've only gotten positive responses from people noticing my traditionally feminine mannerisms and interests (which are coming out much more lately, with my male front being all but nonexistent these days).  In my experience, when you're just being yourself, it generally makes other people much more comfortable and just makes you a more likable person in general than if you're trying to act as someone who you aren't  I say go for it!  And keep us apprised of you're progress!  I'm sure you'll be beautiful.

Quote from: EmilyElizabeth on June 04, 2011, 06:13:15 PM
Wow, you're starting out even younger than me!  Lucky girl.

And yes, I have many of those same concerns all the time, but if there's any place to be "gender-ambiguous" or whatever level of passing you're at right now, it's college.  I guess it's hard for me to say definitively seeing as I haven't started full-time yet, but I've only gotten positive responses from people noticing my traditionally feminine mannerisms and interests (which are coming out much more lately, with my male front being all but nonexistent these days).  In my experience, when you're just being yourself, it generally makes other people much more comfortable and just makes you a more likable person in general than if you're trying to act as someone who you aren't  I say go for it!  And keep us apprised of you're progress!  I'm sure you'll be beautiful.

Thank you so much. I'm not feeling very lucky... but I hope I can find that I am.

Ah, as for passing, well, I'm not quite amiguous. 6 months HRT so far... but it really hasn't done much more than drastically improve my mood and soften how my skin feels. So far, in my opinion, I'm at the point where I'm extremely masculine-looking, and wondering how I'm going to be able to afford all that FFS!

But on good days my appearance doesn't matter - I try not to think about it. And most importantly, I absolutely avoid reflective surfaces  . I can be pretty high on life because of these things.

I'm glad you think this is a good idea... I'm not aware of my ability to deal with full-time and not passing over a long period of time, but I think I can make that work.

Positive reinforcement is suer-duper helpful at the moment. I can't thank you enough, I think.

And maybe you're right. I very well may be beautiful one day . I'm starting to tear up at that thought, as well as the thought of SRS...

Suddenly, the world seems brighter. Maybe I'll go into those old files and find some pics to put in the "Could I Pass One Day" thread. It may not help my day, but I'm finding I'm brave enough for it.

(Edit: Pics posted at "Could I Pass One Day" thread.)

Every college is different, so it's hard to offer advice without having attended the same institution as you. Nonetheless, based on my own experiences with my university, I agree with Emily that college is a fantastic place to be free to express your gender identity. I came out as a transgender woman in January, and the amount of support I have received from my classmates, my tutors and the institution itself has been overwhelming. Within about two weeks of my coming out, everyone in my classes knew me as Elly, and hardly batted an eyelid if I came to class in a skirt or dress. The university immediately changed my name on the records, and my tutors started referring to me as a girl without my even having to ask. I had fellow students in my department that I had barely spoken to before adding me on Facebook and expressing their support and admiration for my decision, and a large chunk of my Japanese class, tutors and students alike, got together and threw me a coming out party, presenting me with flowers, presents and gigantic hugs. When the end of year performance event for the Asian Studies faculty rolled around, I was invited to perform a speech in Japanese and Mandarin on gender identity, which I did wearing a dress, makeup, and ribbons in my hair.

Of course, there have been occasional times where I've run up against prejudice. Ours is a life where there almost always will be. Still, all things considered I've encountered very little resistance to or revulsion at my decision, and what little I have seen has almost all been external to the university. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for more love, kindness and support this academic year. Like I said, it's impossible for me to give you completely sound advice without knowing your college well, but based on my own experiences, I strongly suggest reaching out to your classmates, your tutors and the academic administration. I won't say there's nothing to lose, and you should keep your own safety in mind at all times, but in my experience there is so, so much to gain.

Anyway, best of luck from a fellow college transitioner. I'll be rooting for you from the other side of the globe. Love the avatar, by the way!

From my experience, college students are much more open-minded than in other places. I especially noticed a difference from high school to college. I feel like with higher education, people just end up being much more accepting.

You mention safety a lot. I think college would be one of the safest places for transitioning.

It depends on WHICH college you are going to, anything named after the former head of one of our known hate groups is probably not a good idea, but for the most part, yes they will be safer than High School was.

Hi Jordan,
I wish I had transitioned my first year of college. I was in the perfect place - a tiny very-liberal-arts college in Vermont. But it was almost unheard of then...

I wish you all the best in this exciting time for you! As was previously said, just be yourself and enjoy your life. And study!

hugs,

Kim

I myself am going to be transitioning in college, and I myself am very nervous. On the plus side I alreayd have a huge support group of my friends around me. I wish you all the luck in the world.

College is the perfect time to transition.  Unless it is a southern religious school.  But most colleges has a GLBT organization.  Go for it, you should have no problems based on your pictures.  Too cute.

Oh, the school will be just perfect, I think. It's quite a bit north of the "south" - I live all the way in Canada! I'm sorry for not replying sooner, but my computer was crippled by a virus (which will be repaired by tomorrow, I think!), so my Internet access was a bit limited for a while.

I feel like I'm saying this a lot (not just in this thread, either), but thank-you so much! All of you... I don't think I've seen anything but a whole lot of encouragement. And it helps more than I can put words to.

I would have liked to have a lot of real-life support... Unfortunately I never put that in place. I never knew what I was missing, not having friends. I have a BF now, though, and he counts for all the friends in the world - we're very similar people, not just in how we think, but even our pasts are alike. The only major difference being he has both parents, and is intersexed and identifying as neither male or female (though he does prefer the male pronouns - even while he doesn't pass as male most of the time, despite him being born as "male"). He makes me feel invincible when I'm with him... and all of you make me feel unafraid, and confident, when I'm by myself.

I'm becoming someone who I can be proud of, and I thank you guys (well, girls I guess - though guys may be a gender-neutral term these days, at least for groups, it's really only best if the group is mixed) for being a part of that.

... And now I find it to be difficult to wait for September!

Best wishes all 
And thanks again.

I did sort of the same thing when I went back to school. I was still working full time, but any time outside of work (in class), I was myself. I was about where you were HRT wise too. I only had one issue and that was with one of my professors who blatantly ignored my email explaining the situation and still called my male name during the first day's role call.

Overall it was a humongous confidence booster and really was a good experience.

Whatever you decide to do, don't swap names up... This makes interpersonal relationships really hard to figure out.

Colleges tend to be a liberal environment, and if you're in a liberal area as well then I wouldn't really worry about it.  I know several cis guys who occasionally wear skirts or wraps to class, and the only comment I've ever heard was "Damn, he's hot in that." 

I have just started my last course before graduation, and this is the first time I've had the nerve to attend as myself.  All I can say is that I wish I had done this sooner.  It was getting very upsetting to put down another name on my work.  Also if you are just starting it, it would probably be easier to have everyone get to know you as yourself rather than dealing with transitioning later on.

College is an amazing time to transition. i started my first year with NO problems. insane amounts of support.