I'm actually MtF, but I thought a lot of guys here may find this interesting, especially the ones who are into working out/bodybuilding.  It's my backwards experience from injecting testosterone and bodybuilding as a male, to taking estrogen and becoming a girl.  I haven't encountered any other MtF who has done this, so I thought this could be an interesting insight on testosterone and the effects of testosterone that were diminished by estrogen.

I was always very tiny and feminine looking growing up.  I apparently had some developmental issues because I was left way behind in growth as soon as highschool started.  When I started my senior year, I was 5'8"  105 lbs... I had no muscle or fat on my body what so ever

I grew up in the south, and if anyone here has grown up in the south then you know just how much pressure is placed on how boys should look and act, and how girls should look and act. At the time I thought I would never have an opportunity to transition to female, so I gave into society and decided to go the complete opposite way.. into male bodybuilding.  Bodybuilding seemed to be my only chance at not being puny my whole life, and I also was hoping that it may fix my gender dysphoria. Aside from my voice changing and size 8 shoe, I had virtually no other male characteristics from puberty.  So I decided to purchase testosterone illegally and use it for my body building.

I had a professional give me training and instructions for the first year of bodybuilding. He was incredibly helpful and showed me lots of exercises to target my problem areas, which was basically everything (neck, lats, legs, shoulders and arms... I had nothing). 
I continued to occasionally go through cycles of testosterone until I was 21.  I was generally doing 3 months on T, 3 months off (since I was injecting large amounts I had to give my body a rest).  However, at 23 I quit working out completely, I realized that gender dysphoria couldn't be cured or fixed, and so decided that I had to transition to female.  I'm now 26, have been on estrogen for over 2 years and haven't worked out my upper body since I was 23. 

So this first picture was taken right before I started college (age 18), I had been very very dedicated to bodybuilding for 1 year when this pic was taken.  Keep in mind, I weighed 105 lbs and had absolutely no muscle just 1 year before this picture .  I am around 135lbs in this picture. Oh, the slight dip in my chest is Pectus Excavattum, not sure if anyone else here has that... but that's what it's called =)


Now compare to my picture after 2 years of estrogen, pay close attention to my lats, neck, the size and shape of my shoulders, and traps


One thing I did keep from testosterone was muscular arms, even though the size and shape of them has changed, I will always have them. I am proud of my arms, I'm glad they didn't completely go away =) 

I never intended on posting my old pic, and eventually I will take this down.  However, I thought that some of the guys here may find this to be an interesting thread coming from somebody who has taken both hormones and lived both extremes.  In a way you can sorta imagine my pictures in reverse for a fun effect =)
I do love being a girl now, and I know I made the right choices... but one thing that I miss so much about being a guy is the energy and competitive drive that testosterone gave me.  I remember just feeling so powerful, which is something that I don't feel anymore.  I also get tired of spontaneously crying for no reason... definitely didn't have that happen on T =P
I do anticipate going into female bodybuilding after my surgeries, but I want to keep it modest this time and not get too muscular =)

I am not entirely sure that testosterone gives males lots or energy and drive.    I have never had much energy and in the family I am by far the least driven.    I do have lots of academic things on the go at the moment but I do them in my own time and in my own way, which is small amounts of work but done often.

Many women, especially young women are full of drive and ambition.   Many in my experience have the next 10 -20 years carefully and thoroughly mapped out in their minds, and all this was achieved without significant levels of testosterone.

Great pictures btw. 

That's awesome! You look REALLY good!!

Quote from: Princess of Hearts on June 11, 2011, 06:34:32 PM
I am not entirely sure that testosterone gives males lots or energy and drive.    I have never had much energy and in the family I am by far the least driven.    I do have lots of academic things on the go at the moment but I do them in my own time and in my own way, which is small amounts of work but done often.

Many women, especially young women are full of drive and ambition.   Many in my experience have the next 10 -20 years carefully and thoroughly mapped out in their minds, and all this was achieved without significant levels of testosterone.

Great pictures btw. 

Haha, well then maybe the drive I was experiencing was just my youth then =)  I just remember feeling so motivated and excited to go work out, lift heavy things, get outside, take roadtrips... now I have trouble finding the energy to even watch a movie after I get home from work.  I use to could bench press 200 lbs and now I can't even open the jar of artichoke hearts I buy from Costco... although that one probably is from lack of T =)

That is an awesome change.  I feel so out of proportion because I have super skinny arms and the rest of me is big.  I look very horrible, so hope and pray that between my current workout and T I can make my body match one day or the other.  Seeing your pics. make me feel much better.

Quote from: Jigsaw on June 11, 2011, 07:12:35 PM
That is an awesome change.  I feel so out of proportion because I have super skinny arms and the rest of me is big.  I look very horrible, so hope and pray that between my current workout and T I can make my body match one day or the other.  Seeing your pics. make me feel much better.

Umm... You look pretty attractive to me... =)
For your arms try wall curls.. where you put the backs of your arms against the wall and curl dumb bells or bars while keeping the backs of your arm (from elbow to shoulder) against the wall.  This exercise built my arms up better than any other bicep exercise.  Generally, curling bars gives the best mass results, but also you are more inclined to try to swing the weights doing that.  Just keep increasing in weight, eat lots of protein, get plenty of sleep and your arms will develop very nicely, and get big quick! =)   Also, don't forget triceps, they make up the majority of your arms... do dips and they'll explode. 
I have noticed that genetics do play a part in the actual shape of your bicep when you flex it... for example, I have a very defined ball which is generally sought after because of the high peak.  The long sorta hill shaped bicep seems to be the most common shape. However, no matter what the shape is, they all have the potential to get very big and defined.  My ball actually makes my arms look sorta slender unless I flex them, and then it's sorta surprising. 
The one thing they tell you in working out is you can't spot reduce in regards to losing fat in one specific area, but you can spot train in regards to gaining muscle in a specific area.  So, stick with your program, focus on your arms and you'll be fine =)

Thanks for the advice!  I am going to be starting the Beach Body, Insanity workout Monday, and then once I am done with that I hope to have enough fat shed that I can do into weights.  I just don't want to build muscle under fat.  I have always been advised against that, so figure there must be something to it.

Oh the note of the pic.  I WISH I could say that was me.  That is John Barrowman, and well, I figure he is 3 years older then me, so if I look that good in 1-2 years I am right where I want to be.

Quote from: Jigsaw on June 11, 2011, 07:46:03 PM
Thanks for the advice!  I am going to be starting the Beach Body, Insanity workout Monday, and then once I am done with that I hope to have enough fat shed that I can do into weights.  I just don't want to build muscle under fat.  I have always been advised against that, so figure there must be something to it.

Oh the note of the pic.  I WISH I could say that was me.  That is John Barrowman, and well, I figure he is 3 years older then me, so if I look that good in 1-2 years I am right where I want to be.

Oh, hehe... well in that case, John Barrowman is pretty attractive =) 
Insanity is a really good program.. I've talked to so many people who have used it and they all say it's incredible.  It's the hardest of the beachbody programs, but it's worth it if you just stick with it.  I just completed the Brazil Butt Lift program (from Beach Body) twice in a row and it really gave nice results. 
I just found two pics for you.. not sure how much skin I can get away with showing on this forum... you can sorta see where the shoot was headed.  Unfortunately, all my good bicep pictures were later in the shoot, so I can't post =(
I was 23 in these pics, I had been off T for almost 2 years and been out of the gym for almost a year.  So you can get a good idea of just how much muscle I would have retained if I hadn't have taken estrogen. These were taken months before I transitioned.  The lighting in the first pic is a little hot, makes my hair look reddish and washes out the definition, so the 2nd pic is much more accurate but everything is cut out. 
 

Just wow. You are stunning as a woman and were equally hot before transition. I vote that you should become America's next top model!
It is very inspiring to see your pictures. I need to get back into working out myself. I have basically a month to hammer out some change then continue forward as I want to be a more muscular guy. I know I can put the muscle on fairly easy, it's trimming the fat that is making it hard- plus, I'm only three months on  T.

Wow Vanna.  I agree with others here.  You look great in all your pics.  Thanks for the bodybuilding info,  I'm always
looking for new ideas to add to my routine so it does'nt get boring.  Thanks for posting.

Thanks for posting Vanna.  It is nice to see both sides especially with someone who looks so good on both ends.

Quote from: RenM on June 16, 2011, 07:15:07 AM
Just wow. You are stunning as a woman and were equally hot before transition. I vote that you should become America's next top model!
I know I can put the muscle on fairly easy, it's trimming the fat that is making it hard- plus, I'm only three months on  T.

Hahaha you sound like my mom.  She wants me to try out for that show so bad =P  Your T will help you trim fat a lot faster.  A super lean boy is 8-10% body fat (I was 8% in the top picture at 18, and about 12% in the other boy pics) whereas a super lean girl is around 15-17.)  Even though I lost weight on estrogen, my body fat % has risen to 18-20% now, which you can notice in my girl pics.   

Quote from: Lee on June 16, 2011, 01:36:57 PM
Thanks for posting Vanna.  It is nice to see both sides especially with someone who looks so good on both ends.

Aww thank you, that's such a sweet comment =)

Thanks to all of you for the nice comments =)  Honestly, I really identify well with FtMs.  I've always felt that me taking T all those years was sorta my FtM experience.  Even though I was born a boy, I was a very feminine boy trying to mask my femininity... me taking testosterone was basically me trying to transition into a man to fix my dysphoria about wanting to be a woman so badly..   In the end I realized I couldn't fix my problems with trying to be something I'm not (a man) and instead I had to transition to a woman.  I am a lot lot happier this way, but looking at my old pics does make me miss a few things about how my life use to be =)   

I have to also add my voice thanking you sharing!

Just curious....
When doing a workout and diet, when on T, is it better to go with female, male or somewhere in between with calorie count?

Quote from: Jigsaw on June 20, 2011, 09:29:53 PM
Just curious....
When doing a workout and diet, when on T, is it better to go with female, male or somewhere in between with calorie count?

Well, female workouts are generally aimed towards toning and shaping up... whereas guy workouts are aimed towards gaining strength and bulking up.  So, it really just depends on what your goals are.  As for wanting to lose hip size, I would go with more female geared exercises (high rep, low weight workouts).  As for building arms then you want to go with more male geared exercises (low rep, high weight workouts).  Using heavy weight that don't allow you to do many reps will build muscle and size, whereas using low weights that allow many reps will burn fat and make you tone.  Think of a sprinters body vs an endurance runners body.  A sprinter has a much more muscular build, because he needs that muscle strength and power do a short run as fast as possible.  Whereas an endurance runner is usually pencil thin, because he needs the light lean muscle and lower fat percentage to endure a long race. 

Vanna, thanks for posting this. How much T did you take during your 3 months on?

p.s. You look great. Hot body.

Caseyy, you can still become muscular without T. It's just much harder. In 6 months on T, without working out at all, I have gained as much muscle as I gained before T in 3 months at the gym 5 times per week. They say women won't bulk up, because it's really impossible to do without trying and without T. But if you eat enough calories, enough protein, and work out enough, you will get muscular. I like bodybuilding.com (supersite section) for nutrition and workout programs.

Quote from: Rook on June 23, 2011, 04:14:59 PM
Vanna, thanks for posting this. How much T did you take during your 3 months on?

p.s. You look great. Hot body.

Thank you =)   I was taking testosterone. I would do this for around 3 months and then take 3 months off.  In the months off I would lose mass but I would still be much bigger than I was before I started the 3 month cycle.  It was taking estrogen that caused my body to become small and shrink to a little girls body. 

Quote from: Caseyy on June 23, 2011, 04:43:05 PM
Now I am curious. Could someone without the advantages of T do these kind of male-oriented exercises you speak of and show muscle gains? I always read sites encouraging female-bodied people to work out because they won't "bulk up" like a man even if they exercise, which as thusly discouraged me from working out because I'm seeking muscles.

What Rook said is completely accurate... and, you can and will actually gain muscle on T without even working out, it's that powerful.  Women have the ability to gain muscle mass because they still produce small amounts of testosterone, but they have nowhere near the ability to bulk up like men do.  However, women can still get big!
If a woman weight trains with heavy weights then she will gain muscle and size, it just won't be near as profound as the size a man would gain.  Also, working the large muscle groups of your body will cause your body to produce more testosterone.  For example, doing squats will produce more testosterone then doing arm curls, because squats work out your bodies larges muscle groups (glutes and quads).   They always tell guys in bodybuilding not to neglect the legs, because your legs are basically your tree trunk, with the rest of your body being the branches. 
I have seen female to male bodybuilders before and they generally have what most guys would consider to be an ideal and perfect body because of the nice balance between their lower body and upper body. 

I also seem to have a similar degree of Pectus, or I believe to have it. Mostly, by checking at the lower ribs, I seem to have them positioned in a similar fashion to yours. They seem to protrude a bit, specially now that I lost almost all the abdominal fat.


I know, It's a necro revival, but.. Did anybody told you "You as a girl? What a waste of manhood!" You look hot know, but the before photos... Amazing.

your pecs are the same shape as my younger brothers but your neck was and is longer and skinnier. you now look like the girl i have a crush on who is crazy skinny with lean muscle like you. i bet pre bodybuilding you looked like my other little brother who is skin and bones but eats like a tank.