Hey,
I've been there, and I still am there to an extent. When I first came out I thought I was completely alone, except for this board which is amazing, but it's still difficult when there's no one else who understands. I also had a ton of internalized transphobia, and even though I'm not into organized religion anymore, I couldn't help but think that god didn't love me, and that I was a freak and I'd never find friends who accept me. None of that's true though. A lot of people are transphobic, but there are plenty of people who aren't, and in my experience, more people than you'd think accept it when they see your truly happy. And you're not a freak or anything; being transgender is natural, albeit rare. Other than having a body that doesn't make sense to you, there's nothing wrong with you at all in relation to being transgender.
I don't know what to tell you to help you cope. All I know is with patience, you'll get where you want to be. If you want to start T, that will happen, if you want to get surgery, you can make that happen eventually. Coming out to friends and family is difficult, but the people who love you will still love you, even if they react negatively for a while. And if they never come around, you can make new friends and build a new family. It's difficult, but we're here for you.
The best thing I can think of to do about the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness is take action. Figure out what the next step for you is, and do it. It may be getting a haircut, starting to bind, coming out to a friend, going to a support group meeting, etc. But take small steps to get where you want to be.
And don't hesitate to ask for help on here; that's what we're here for.
