There are so many wonderful fathers out there and I'm blessed that my stepfather is one of them.  He took my coming out with grace and love, and gave me his blessing to change my last name to his.

But my biological father is a very different story.  I didn't think he'd take my news very well, but he wound up finding out about my transition when one of my sisters broke the news before I had a chance to (and then deemed it necessary to give me a lecture on "how our family works").  He and my stepmother haven't spoken to me since.  In fact, we haven't spoken since Christmas Eve.  Despite the amount of abuse I suffered at their hands growing up, I forgave them and always tried to maintain the relationship.  Their silence now speaks loudly that everything I did was in vain.  And as ready as I was for the relationship to end, nothing prepares you for how hard it really is.

And so now, on Father's Day, I find myself crying, yet joyful that at least I still have one of my fathers.  If I didn't have him, I don't know how I'd feel right now.

So to all of you out there who are struggling today, for those left behind or abandoned by their families, I just want to remind you all that you ARE loved.  Don't let the intolerance of others damage or tarnish your beautiful souls.

I love my father and my stepfather and I do talk to them from time to time and they are generally nice to me (now)... My sister also seems to think it her job to out me

Anyway, they all seem to flip flop as to whether they are friend or foe on a regular basis... So when they are being nice I'm nice in return... If they are not being nice, I ignore them

Father's Day like most holidays tends to depress the stuff out of me 

I am one of many here and across the world who can not tell their Daddies how much we love them.  Except maybe in our prayers.  Mine passed on about 6 years ago, and I miss him and Mom both.

Let's not forget the members here who were or are fathers themselves and have been left behind.

Quote from: Valeriedances on June 19, 2011, 08:36:25 PM
Mine is alive, but I have no relationship with him. I wish it were otherwise, of course. I could not bring myself to tell him over fear. Now it has been years and years since Ive seen him. He must think I dont care. But better that than facing him about my change. Still I think of him.

Why don't you tell him Valerie? I don't see how hiding yourself away would be better, you aren't even giving him a chance to accept you. =]

Quote from: Renate on June 19, 2011, 08:55:30 PM
Let's not forget the members here who were or are fathers themselves and have been left behind.

Wow... very good point!  Not one I'd considered at all.  My impetus for posting this thread was that I tried calling my biological father today for what will be the last time.  As usual, they didn't pick up (and they have talking caller ID, so they knew it was me on the other end).  I left a message wishing him a happy father's day, said they could call me if they feel like it, and hung up.  I know they won't, but this was my very last effort at reaching out.

Hugs to all who are struggling today!

Yeah, my son wouldn't call me today and it felt awful. He calls me dad still, but doesn't consider me to be his father. Didn't call me on mother's day either. I hope one day he understands that I did this so he would have me as his parent and not a grave marker. I hope one day he understands that I left our neighborhood because I saw that our neighbors would never accept me and this was the only way, though it hurts more than anything, for him to lead a semblance of a normal life. I hope one day he understands that I love him more than anything.

I have always kept animosity towards my father, however I do wonder how fair I am with it. He is a horrible person, of this much I have no doubts, but so is my mother and I talked to her as recently as a year or two ago. It has been a good 12 years since I spoke to my father and about 10 since I seen him and, well got friends of mine to force him to leave, refusing to see him.

It is interesting though, I was the one that severed our relationship, not that he appreciated me much when I was around anyway. I haven't told him about who I really am, I never felt safe talking to him, and not just about that, about anything really. He basically knows nothing about me at all. I never loved him or had an attachment to him, and I don't really even understand why.

As weird as this sounds it makes me feel lonely that I don't feel an attachment to either of my parents, almost like I am missing out on something that seems to come easily for so many people. I can form attachments to other people, and I had a man I considered a great father figure, but sadly he died a few years ago.

The emotions on this day are always so strange for me, maybe one day I will sort it all out.

Melody, I hope and pray that someday your son understands and your relationship with him becomes everything you hope for.  Never stop believing that love always wins.

Hikari, I'm sorry to hear that your parents were the way they were.   My dad and stepmom weren't that great either, but I forgave them for years.  Still, they kept hurting me.  And I kept forgiving.  All I got from the entire situation was pain and the idea that I was inherently flawed.  Now they've abandoned me anyway.  And yet, I can't stop feeling sad for the loss, so I understand those conflicted feelings you describe.

Father's Day falls on a different date here, first Sunday in September, but I didn't get any good wishes either. Hurts, but I still believe they will come round eventually, perhaps when i move later this year.

Cheers to all my fellow Dads over there.

Karen.