I haven't posted here in awhile. I just came home from a week at my dad's house, and I come home to find my room spotless. On my bed.....mixed with my male apparel, is my few pieces of female apparel. My mom has not yet confronted me, but she's the one who cleaned my room and I know she'll bring it up eventually. I can't hide it. It's only a matter of time. What do I do?

Talk to her when she brings it up.  make it out to being no big deal, it's who you are right?  I know...sounds easier said than done, but I'm at the point where I wish my mom would start asking why I want my hair cut short and I'm binding my chest.  If she asks, let it spill.  I have a feeling if she hasn't brought it up yet, there's probably going to be a monumental conversation coming up.  You'll learn what she really thinks, and maybe it will be good, if it's not, there's plenty of people here to get advice from and talk to.  Including me.  Best of luck to you.
~Aiden

Lilly,
You need to tell the truth the wholed truth.
I know it's not easy but it is the best thing to do.
Hugs,
Jillieann

I agree it may not be easy but it's the perfect opportunity to come out.  Make it seem like it's no big thing.  It's not like she found out you were a serial killer.  Besides if you lie about it now, it will only make it harder come out later. 

After a half hour of crying and not wanting to talk to anyone my cousin finally calmed me down and got it out of me. He asked what I'd expected ("Are you gay?" "Are you a crossdresser?") to which I answered no to both, and it kinda just dawned on him there what my problem was. So most of my mom's side knows I have a problem now, I'm not sure if my cousin told my mom or anyone what he had learned about me, but it feels better to have this off my chest now knowing that at least my cousin doesn't have anything against me. I think I should have at least told him I wish to transition, which I didn't, but I'm probably sure he knows that even though I didn't say it. I think the hard part is going to be with my dad's side of the family (while my dad isn't very religious, my grandfather, aunts and uncles are). So that's what I'm afraid of the most. I just have to take this slowly, one step at a time.

oh wow.

I have been down that road Lily.

Back when i was 16 years old my step mother cleaned my room (which she NEVER used to do). I have about 3 suitcases of clothing I was hiding and it was all gone. The only crazy thing is ..she never confronted me. No one did.

When I came out of the closet this year (I emailed my mother a 5 page letter while I was in the library on campus at my seminary), my step mother wasn't at all surprised. Well...she tried to act it...but I had a feeling she knew but all those years ago she couldn't quite bring it up to me.

Remember, parents are just as uneasy as you are! If you are calm and even try to initiate the discussion, it may work out in your favor!

So my only question now is, what do I do next? I'm sure most of them know, even though I didn't say it. It would probably be most sensible just to say it, even though I'm pretty sure they all know by now. But even if I do that, what would the next step be? Therapy, I guess?

I got confronted by my Mom too, right when I got home from work. that was 12 years ago. Anyway, 1st thing: Breathe!

I pulled up as much info as I could get about transsexualism as it stands from a scientific/ medical standpoint. Lucky for you though things are a lot more mainstream now than ever. Might even mention Chaz Bono went through this too.
Anyway, I am sure your parents will still love you. *hugs* now continue to breathe, and think about how to explain everything. They may not even ask at all.

An open and honest discussion is the best course.  Be true to yourself in your communication.  You mentioned wanting to transition, this will help expedite that process.  It is scary, and very nerve racking, but those who love you will love you regardless (though it may take them some time to realize that).  There is nothing more freeing though; than getting it out, and then having the freedom to express yourself as your whole self.  It is very therapeutic in hindsight.

If you're in therapy talk to her about what you talk to your therapist about.  If you're not, mention that you would like to see a therapist who is familiar with/has a background in transgender issues.

Best of luck!  I'll be around if you need support.

PS
    I'm coming out to the last of my family (my dad's side) this weekend, so I empathize completely.

I agree, being open and honest is the best way to go. It may seem difficult now but in a strange way being confronted with can somehow easier than broaching the subject yourself.

I had a similar situation when I was a teenager. My mum found some of my clothes hidden under my bed and in the bottom of my wardrobe. I knew because on one occasion they had definitely moved, and on another they appeared back in their hiding place but washed and folded... :-/ She never confronted me about it until one day she came home from work early and nearly caught me dressed. I locked myself in the bathroom and made some silly excuses through the door as to why I had practically slammed it in her face. I am pretty sure she knew what was going on, and a few minutes later when I emerged from the bathroom she confronted me but in a non specific way. It was the 'you know you can talk to me about anything' approach. I mumbled some stupid excuse and ducked out of the situation. Looking back I wish I had taken the opportunity to just be honest with my mum. I know she would have been fine, and I could have been dealing with my GID when I was 16 instead of doing it now when I am 37.

I still haven't told my mum, and it is only getting more difficult. I am going to tell her this weekend, and hopefully that understanding she showed when I was young will still be there.

Best of luck.

Amy.x

Lily this is simply my opinion so it's not medical advice lol

Since she already knows now, confront her about it. I don't mean confront in a bad way but be the first one to approach her. She has had a few days to really sort this out so it will be an easier conversation versus the day she found out. Also, you never know how she may take it...she could take it well...although many parents tend to be shocked at first.

Also, as another poster said, be ready! Have a lot of evidence with you supporting your feelings as a transgender person. Have weblinks, brochures, etc etc for her because she will be asking you a lot of questions.

So many of us have gone through this. Keep your chin up girl!

You should go talk to her. Most people's reaction about female clothes on one's things is negative (pervert being the first one that comes to mind, sadly). So you really
must clarify everything with her as soon as possible. Who knows what she may be thinking. But also, if you don't talk to her about it, she might also take it you want to
keep it a secret from her, and this may become a difficult situation later on, whilst rendering coming out easier.

I think you know best what your moms views are likely to be around this issue. Others have recommended being honest about it. There often are benefits to that. But on the other hand if you ignore it and continue your life as usual... Sure some people think 'pervert' , others don't care too much. Your mom probably wonders what it means. I too was caught back home. Nothing really changed. Later I moved out of home. Overall it did not really affect my relationship with my mother.

Here's my teenage experiences:

One time my family were watching American Idol, and it was the season with Adam Lambert; Lambert was obviously the most talented person on the show, but every chance my father got, he would grunt "->-bleeped-<-got" every time Lambert would come onto the screen. After quite a bit of this, I remarked to my father that Lambert was talented and that all the girl fans adored him, and that he was obviously doing something right. My father then grabbed my neck, tried to choke me into passing out, yelled in my face, spit on me, and then called me a ->-bleeped-<-got worshipper.

Needless to say, I never was out to my parents about a fraction of my personality or identity. I lived in a violent, Westboro-ish home.

Quote from: RhinoP on July 10, 2011, 04:53:53 PM
Here's my teenage experiences:

One time my family were watching American Idol, and it was the season with Adam Lambert; Lambert was obviously the most talented person on the show, but every chance my father got, he would grunt "->-bleeped-<-got" every time Lambert would come onto the screen. After quite a bit of this, I remarked to my father that Lambert was talented and that all the girl fans adored him, and that he was obviously doing something right. My father then grabbed my neck, tried to choke me into passing out, yelled in my face, spit on me, and then called me a ->-bleeped-<-got worshipper.

Needless to say, I never was out to my parents about a fraction of my personality or identity. I lived in a violent, Westboro-ish home.

Soooooo, your dad tried to kill you during American Idol because you thought Adam Lambert was a good singer?   Hmmm

No offense, but I could copy and paste all the posts you have created on this website so far and sell it as a novel! Sweety, if you tell your psych all the stories you told us, you may run into some issues getting letters

The girl wants support about what to do...not a replay of a Stephen King book!