So, I have made disclosures to all the family and friends living within close proximity to me. I feel that face to face disclosure is always best if possible; especially with family. Next I needed to disclose to those that are a bit further away. This included my paternal aunt (who sits on the state mental health board) and her family, my paternal uncle (who is the Preacher who married us) and his family, my dad, my brother and his family, my wife's dad (who is a firefighter/southern baptist in rural Oklahoma), and my maternal uncle(who works for the FCC in Virginia). Many of these folks live about six hours away; with the exception of my wife's dad and my maternal uncle. So, we planned for last weekend to be when we told them. Then by surprise, a week ago, we found out my wife's dad was coming to Colorado from Oklahoma this past weekend as well.
To lay out the timeline for disclosures; my wife was to meet her dad, his wife, and grandma on Friday/Saturday for a family reunion. Since I had to work Saturday, she would drive back to get me. Then we'd leave the kids with baby-sitters, and drive out Saturday night, to tell (for all intensive purposes) the entirety of my paternal family on Sunday, and Drive back Monday.
Needless to say we were both nervous wrecks leading up to this. Planning on how to disclose for each party, getting information ready, and preparing ourselves for the worst. All VERY stressful!
How they went:
Wife's Dad, his wife, and my wife's grandma: My wife requested time from them to tell them something important away from the reunion on Friday night, for Saturday morning. At 6am she gets a call if she can tell them yet. So she goes over to tell them. Of course their primary concern was for her and the kids. They were very supportive for my wife (which is huge, for they were estranged for 19 years) and kids. They don't quite understand it, but are willing to try, and requested as much information as we can send them. They were not ready to see pictures of me yet, and will need some time to process it all. Coming from extremely conservative, southern baptist's this is encouraging...
My paternal aunt, her husband, one of three cousins and her husband: The general consensus was that they support me in what I need to do to be happy. They asked LOTS of questions; names, pronouns, time-line, how the kids are adjusting, how my wife and I are doing, et cetera... They all wanted to see pictures, and my cousin's husband upon seeing one exclaimed, "Wow, you're hot bro (since I was in guy mode)"! All in all we talked for probably two hours; all positively.
My paternal uncle, and one of six cousins: They were very receptive. Very pleased to hear that we are staying together, and that the kids are doing well with it. They wanted to make sure that I was doing okay with it, the changes, and that I was sure of my relationship with god, and his role in it. They had fewer questions, but focused more on what to do to combat discrimination from "fundamentalist" religious groups. To know that it is not the human place to judge, but for god alone. Our place is to be accepting of ALL people, and to love unconditionally. They were very appreciative of being included in the journey. When shown pictures, they got on a tangent of which female cousins I look most like. Then we prayed that the disclosure with my dad go smoothly, that the journey goes well, and that our travels went without incident.
My Dad, brother and his family: They took it probably the best of all. My dad was kind of relieved, and stated that he had been expecting it for years; that it had come up during family therapy when I was eight (through age fifteen), and that my mom had stopped therapy with every councilor when it was brought up (I never knew that it came up but once). He did express that a different middle name might be in order, but that was due to mishearing of what it was, and was back to being fine after the difference was understood. They too asked questions, but since my brother and his wife have had friends that transitioned, they were about laser vs. electrolysis, when I would be changing my name, preferred usage of pronouns, if I would be getting surgery, et cetera...
All in all, it went VERY well! All that stress and preparation was answered with embracing acceptance. So, the only disclosures I have left are my maternal uncle, and those at work (except my Director of HR and my GM, who already know, and are supportive). It is like a great weight has been lifted, and there is a crowd around me to help me stand on my feet. Now, to get the rest of them done and get on with transitioning!
