Hi everyone, I have a 'question' for my fellow Dutchies who get therapy from the VU in Amsterdam

I felt and stil feel Transgender in the sense that I feel overtly female (silly to say in percentages, but 70/30) on the inside, but not on the outside yet. I dont see myself as a Transsexual /100% woman, which is also why I am sceptical whether they would actually help me, they're rather strict and I am empathic enough to understand that someone else's needs are priority for them

3 years ago I've had my last counselling, to see if I would start or would post-pone Hormone therapy, since that was why I came in contact with them after my local supportgroup (Humanitas Rotterdam) could only help with appointments where I could talk and discuss my feelings.

We all decided it was better to wait and see whether the future would make me feel any different or even more in need of what I wanted...I thought about it on occasion but not really as something I really really had to go to again

However, recently I feel more confident and more aware of what I would want in life (I was 23 then, 26 now), more even when I see my body is getting more 'manly' by the years I feel frightened, as if I am caged and time is running out. I can explain the feeling a lot better in dutch actually, but you can guess  where it's going

Since 2 weeks I am in renewed contact with my local support group and while there might be a chance the VU is more open to Transgender individuals a more wider spectrum I have no idea if it's changed and if people with similair feelings had the green light

Hoping for some recent insight or experiences

Well I contacted them yesterday and I am already having an appointment next week on Thursday (questionnaire and talk with psychatrist)

I guess Ill have to wait and see ^^

Hi Yin

I don't see a reason why they shouldn't help you.
They are aware that there is a more larger spectrum than only male/female and nothing in between.
The VU gender centre is helping people with transexual feelings for more than 40 years, so they have seen a lot of people in that time.

But, of course they will talk with you first, for this kind of treatment your life will change a lot.
70/30 is some kind of score from 2 out of 3 sounds more female than male to me.
I don't know or every cisfemale can say, she is woman for 100%, so, give it a change.
I'm wondering what you really wants for yourself, if you want to be female, go for it.
Please, keep us updated.

hugs
Annette

Thanks Annette!

And yes, I know about the diversity among women, that's why I am not ashamed and open about my own tastes and interests in life (As you can see from my profile I like arabic/southern european art and style, but like silly shopping and gaming just as much)...it's just the idea that 'cis' people tend to have about transgendered people, that we're freaks, fake and will never be able to fit

For me my genderidentity is part of everyday life, I just dont want to prove myself anymore but just be

I'll keep you updated on my progress, might even make a new thread somewhere where its more suited if the times comes

Quote:
..it's just the idea that 'cis' people tend to have about transgendered people, that we're freaks, fake and will never be able to fit

For me my genderidentity is part of everyday life, I just dont want to prove myself anymore but just be.


Hi Yin

That's what's all about, just be.
You shouldn't care about what others(cis or not) will think, it's your life, you have to live it, not others.
I started more than 30 years ago with transition, I've lost some people from who I thought they were friends.
But, real friends will stand beside you, so it wasn't a big lost, you know.
I'm not in stealth, I've met people who are really friends, who likes me the way I am, just because it's me.
I have a job, family, friends, a place to live and I'm enjoying life, so why should I care what some people might think about ->-bleeped-<-s.
Me neither wants to prove myself, I just am myself, for many years I've played the role of a man, who I wasn't, just to be who you are is the ultimate freedom.

The gender centre has given me the opportunity to be the one who I am and I must say, I never regretted it.
For me it was just like you a part of everyday life, and just like you I was concerned about what others would think of me.
It was a waste of energy, you can't change what others will think or say, you can change the way you handle it.
Go for it hun, go for a happy life.

Best of luck and hugs
Annette

Thanks for the support Annette

I just had my first appointment on Thursday, I had to fill in a few questionnaires and had a short evaluating talk with a psychologist. She asked me about my general happiness in life (I answered with a '6' -out of 10- even after I explained why I am not comfortable with that answer since it gives the idea that its bearable somehow)
I also had to answer questions about my sexuality, general history and my 'coming out'

All in all it went reasonably fine, and it felt more comfortable than 3 years ago, as if I matured and knew better what direction to go and how to explain it. They also notified me of their new policy where they take heart to partial wishes for people like me. I now have to wait a month so they can decide whether to continue with me into a diagnostic period, which would still take atleast 9 months of waiting. Bahh, that's the only thing I really dislike, the waiting

Anyway I hope I'll be able to continue, the people who are close to me at the moment (around 4 years)  even said that they SHOULD help me. I agree with them, but Ive always been someone that's reluctant to appeal any decision. Maybe I am just overthinking and worrying a bit too much about it

Hi Yinnie

I think they will help you, like you said, you're more than 70% woman.
They will take sometime to make sure that's what you want, That's not too bad coz such a decision will make a great change into your life.
For what I read from you, I think it's the right time, you hate waiting now, that's a good sign.
Don't worry hun, you'll get there where you want.
And if you have any questions or you just want to talk it over, well, I'm here.

Funny isn't it, two dutch people talking English to eachother.

liefs
Annette

Hey, I just saw this thread after posting my initial post about support groups in Amsterdam.....would anyone have a link to the group mentioned in this thread!?x

Hi Sarah

I know there is a T&T group in Amsterdam, they have once a month an evening where you can drink something and chat.
I don't know excactly when this evenings are but I think it's googleble.
At the Vu hospital they can tell you more, I'm not from Amsterdam, i'm from the Hague so, i'm not sure i'm giving you the right information.

Anyway, good luck with it.
Hugs
Annette

Quote from: SarahH on June 22, 2011, 02:26:57 PM
Hey, I just saw this thread after posting my initial post about support groups in Amsterdam.....would anyone have a link to the group mentioned in this thread!?x

Hi SarahH,
you mean the support group in Rotterdam? As far as I'm aware it is called Werkgroep Transseksualiteit (http://rotterdam.socard.nl/Organisation.aspx?id=36522). I believe Amsterdam has a similar support group.

x
Sweetie

Hi YinYange,

Just like Annette said, I think the VU is more willing and open to helping transgender individuals (as opposed to transsexuals) compared to a couple of years ago (based on what I have read about it on other internet boards).

At the start of my transition I was just like you, overthinking everything and always worrying about what other people would think (family,friends, classmaters, co-workers, etc.) But I had a strong will and tried to ignore people that were rude or unwilling to accept (some people at school for example). In time I learned to be more and more self-reassuring, and kept saying to myself 'I'm just an ordinary girl with a birth defect and I don't care what they think or say about me, I just am what I am and there's nothing wrong with that'. Everything has worked out really well

Interestingly, before starting transition, I went to Humanitas Rotterdam as well and it has been really helpful to get my mind clear and to start planning my transition and learn what I could expect. However, I have not been involved in support groups after starting transition (the support groups in Amsterdam and Rotterdam were also not close to my home).

Best of luck in finding your path! (   looks like you're on the right track already    )

Sweetie

Hi everyone again, it has been a while!  And thanks for the responses

Last week I called the VU to see what they come up with regarding my transitioning wish, and they just said that I wasn't evaluated because of that month's workload -.-   
So I am up for next month....a whole month, like Annette said, the waiting starts to agitate me more and more, but Im sure its a good thing I called them, else I could have waited a long time before they would call me

I feel I am on the right track aswell, and evenings like today's make me happy: I went to the support group (once a month) and we discussed family. I tend to talk quite a bit and explain on how I feel without trying to 'steal' other people's time. The talks after the support group just with a few people who stayed was very good (an FtM who is doing a similair thing like me but the opposite way wanted to know a few things about the VU etcetc, so its very recognizable to hear the fears about perception, family, childwish etc)  and a couple of which a starting person said to me "Well, I am just amazed at how graceful and natural you already are....it's good you came back to be you"  ..I just said I am  already androgyne by nature and it can only get better

So I left there very happy, but I became annoyed on the way back: The "normal" world stresses me, and I know "Just wait and see, no more bitterness and no staring down in the end"


SarahH, maybe this website can help you http://www.transvisie.net/ . Its the site for former "Werkgroep Transseksualiteit Rotterdam/Amsterdam", which was a part of Humanitas..I dont know the exact reason but it closed and they went on as a different organization...still the same people however Very useful links and information there too, good luck


Let's hope the VU will tell me more next month

Quote from: YinYanga on June 29, 2011, 04:57:38 PM
Hi everyone again, it has been a while!  And thanks for the responses

Last week I called the VU to see what they come up with regarding my transitioning wish, and they just said that I wasn't evaluated because of that month's workload -.-   
So I am up for next month....a whole month, like Annette said, the waiting starts to agitate me more and more, but Im sure its a good thing I called them, else I could have waited a long time before they would call me

I feel I am on the right track aswell, and evenings like today's make me happy: I went to the support group (once a month) and we discussed family. I tend to talk quite a bit and explain on how I feel without trying to 'steal' other people's time. The talks after the support group just with a few people who stayed was very good (an FtM who is doing a similair thing like me but the opposite way wanted to know a few things about the VU etcetc, so its very recognizable to hear the fears about perception, family, childwish etc)  and a couple of which a starting person said to me "Well, I am just amazed at how graceful and natural you already are....it's good you came back to be you"  ..I just said I am  already androgyne by nature and it can only get better

So I left there very happy, but I became annoyed on the way back: The "normal" world stresses me, and I know "Just wait and see, no more bitterness and no staring down in the end"


SarahH, maybe this website can help you http://www.transvisie.net/ . Its the site for former "Werkgroep Transseksualiteit Rotterdam/Amsterdam", which was a part of Humanitas..I dont know the exact reason but it closed and they went on as a different organization...still the same people however Very useful links and information there too, good luck


Let's hope the VU will tell me more next month

Hi YinYanga

Nice to hear from you again, if the waiting is starting to annoy you it is only a good sign!   It probably means you're ready taking onto the next step!

I hope you're loved ones accept you the way you are.

You say about getting stressed about the "normal" world... well, probably most people feel that way when starting transition or in the months before it. So they seek the support from the support groups to relieve the stress and it is very helpful, because it helps to vent thougths and feelings and the support from fellow-sufferers can be amazing. Just like you I was already androgynous at the onset of transition so when I started the hormones the changes came very rapid and I very soon flipped from androgyne to being feminine. That increased my self confidence a whole lot, wanting to get out more in the "normal" world. From my renewed experiences with the "normal" world (now as a girl) the self confidence increased even more, because people just treated my as a girl and everything felt so right.

Reading the book 'Mom, I Need to be a Girl' by Just Evelyn was also very helpful. However written from the perspective of a mom it is still a very nice and easy read for any transgirl and of course her parents. You can find it (for free) easily on the internet /Google if you'd like to.

-xx- Sweetie

A small update: 2 weeks ago I called the hospital again and they told me I could start as early as November with the diagnostic phase (Talks with a psychologist to see whether you have genderdysphoria , causes and overal mental health)  ..so that was a lot sooner than 10-12 months of waiting!  A little bit of good news as long as I keep feeling happy with it and dont overanalyse the why's and how's too much (Like my silly idea that they wanted to see me earlier so they could get rid of me earlier aswell  ) 

New , small little update:

I've had my first 'diagnostic' appointment with my gender-therapist a few weeks ago where I was explained what the idea was behind this coming phase , and some general chat to get started. It all went really well and felt very good and comfortable too. Most of the fears and thoughts in my head are my own issues; I get the impression they are more than interested and willing to help me and I feel like a little butterfly on the inside....wonder when that cocoon finally opens up

My next appointment will be a general one, talking about my background, a psychological test and preparing a summary of my life

After that I have to talk more and more and invite 2 people close to me, in my case my younger brother and a social worker I have known for 5 years and see on a daily/weekly basis. She's very interested in this path I am taking and actually convinced me to contact the VU again so I hope she's happy that I allow her to take part a little bit

The question that bugs me the most is: When do I get  the "candies"?!?! (Not really candies with all the complexities attached to it, but that is my basic reaction to it)

Needs no explaination really, child like enthusiasm ^^