Since childhood always a girl, loved my mothers beauty shop, all the nice things, curling hair, nail polish. Loved my mother, always wanted to be like here, wore her clothes & polished my nails like a normal little girl dressing up/playing.

Mid life, always dressed nice as much as possible. On & off hrt so many times, I never looked passable enough to come out full time & I had a male type job & could not risk the change. I just stopped, then started over again. Love dating men, always have, they feel great when I'm a normal woman.

Now in my mid 50's, passable sometimes, financially secure. I desperately need to finally make this change in my life however the change over seems so hard, hair removal, full time, etc...

Please some help/advise if you can, I'm so frustrated. I so want a normal body/life to match my mind.

I'm really very pretty when dressed nice. 5 ft. 9, size 14-16 dress, nice face, long nails, nice voice mistaken as female some of the time, feel normal only when dressed feminine.

Thank you for any advice/support. I have no close friends that I have shared this part of my life with & am kind of going it alone.   

Welcome sis.
First stop is a Gender Therapist if you want to transition. The Standards of Care require a decent amount of time
seeing a Therapist to prevent any ill-informed decisions. 
Some people get impatient, but it gives you a lot of insightinto all the ramifications of transition, and is neccessary
if you want to move on to HRT and possible eventual SRS.

Lots of good info here, and welcoming friends.
Karen

If the question is letting go, as you said in the title, then you have to decide that your desire is greater than your fear. When you do that, you will move forward.

Thank you.

I've been with several therapists & HRT before. They easily approved hormones. I know all the steps. I've read everything some 20-30 years ago. Guess I just need to settle down & try to not to get so impatient this time. I just so wanted to awake with a normal body & not have to endure all the pain & effort for the changes. I live outside of any major city & need some fellow girl friends somehow to share with I guess. I so wish I had relaxed & made the changes years & years ago. There just seemed no way in those times. Now I am financially secure & my only obstacle is myself I guess.

I need & welcome any girl friends to share with & to support each other. I so hope I can just relax & finally make all the changes to my life.

What a great day it would be after SRS. I've dreamed about that day most of my life.

Thank you so much,  Francis



 

Hi Francis, sorry I misunderstood where you were coming from.    

Apart from time spent in role, I used meditation (learnt for pain relief due to a spinal injury) to help open up communications with my subconscious, and learn to relax while things changed.  Since I temporarily retired , to return to study next year, I have changed my name and am now full time.

Once I did that I felt like my previous identity started to seem like someone else, with a sort of change by osmosis having taken place.  I can't say exactly at what point I started to feel like Karen insted of G*****, but  it happened some time in the last couple of months.

Sorry I can't be more specific, but it has been a somewhat imprecise path, with a few steps backward as well.  I am in a rural area at the moment, so have no-one locally I can compare notes with either.  This site is a godsend.  Lots of great girls and guys on board.

Karen.

Karen, I'm so glad for you that you have settled down to a normal life. You must feel great about yourself to move forward & forget the past.

For me being a total woman would be so so normal, just normal pretty clothes, panties, bras, nice things, relaxed & comfortable, sexy & confident. All these wrong things on my body removed.

Every time I tried to transition it took so long & my hair facial & body just killed my emotions, I cried it hurt so bad & I looked just so ugly. I want & need to be a "pretty woman" when I change. I'm kind of a perfectionist at things & halfway just does not work for me.

I found a new therapist. I need to just start back I guess & this time just relax & know it will not happen overnight even though I wish it would. I'm so ready to be normal I feel like I just cannot stand another day being trapped in this ugly male body.

Again, I am so happy for you & I hope you have a beautiful day.

Thank you

Your friend, Francis.

Me again!!

I found one of the best things I did was laser facial hair removal. Admittedly it left the grey and white ones, but the razor gets rid of them, so maybe I'll get electro to remove them after a couple of years HRT. Not having an obvious beard was a big step forward, and remember a bit of pain never hurt anybody!

I had my back waxed a couple of days ago and it was nice not to see that in the mirror after showering too. I have let my hair grow for the last 18 months, and have a couple of fringe and side (bangs to you )hairpieces that I wear all the time now. My Gender Therapist didn't recognise me at first glance the first time he saw me with one on. Made a hell of a difference.

I don't really care about being beautiful, I'll settle for average.  And if you look at a lot of Aussies you'd have to admit we do tend to be a bit "less attractive" than some people, thanks to the harsh sun here.  Just as long as people treat me as a woman I'll be happy.

Karen.

I had laser hair removal on my face years & years ago, it helped some. I need so much more to remove this ugly hair. I know this is a big step to a nicer day in day out appearance.

Watch that sun, it is not good for you at all. My completion is fair at best. After HRT did your facial skin improve?

I will also have to settle for average I know. Early in life when I was thinner & prettier I was a "Drag Queen". I really looked so nice & normal, all the men were after me but I just wanted to be a normal woman in public to practice I guess? It always felt great & I always hated having to take off my makeup & polish & stop shaving my legs for some male type job/$.

My back has hair also, I hate so much hair. Why are we cursed with so much hair, Why???

I were wigs because they are so much nicer than my normal hair, it is not long enough or full enough to be normal. Maybe please I hope HRT will help grow hair in the right places.

Go have fun Aussie girl friend.

Francis

Pain of sitting back and reminiscing of "what if" or pain of electrolysis and surgeries, either way babe there is pain! But not all pain are equal.
Pain of loosing someone close is unbearable yet pain of childbirth is enveloped in delight.
Pain of broken bones and following surgeries is grave yet the same bones don't hurt so bad when they finally realign with YOU an image you held in your dreams for lifetime.

Baby, you aether do or you don't!...........................but which shall you regret at the end?

Inna, I know, I know, I need to get on with it. Actually I can't wait. It's been a while since on my meds, kinda miss hot flashes.

I'm dressed nice, I look very nice & passable even for my age, mid 50's. I feel great really.
I just know when I start back this time I'll never look back. For me alone it will be easy, I can handle electrolysis, surgery etc... Just unsure what friends & relatives I'll keep & which ones I'll let go. None of these people know the real me. I always thought I would just move to a new city as Francis Ann & just start all new however I cannot move from my very nice place in the mountains. It's a beautiful place.

How was/is your transition???

Thank you.

Francis

Inna,

I just looked at your website. You are a beautiful woman. I'm so glad for you. You have such a nice face, body & everything.

Maybe one day I can be half as pretty as you are I hope.

Francis

Inna,

I just read your website & life story. You are such a normal beautiful woman, you should proceed full speed to full HRT, SRS & never even look back.

My love & all the best to you in your life.

Francis Ann

Awwwww, that's so sweet Francis Ann, these warm words do give me strength, as you probably know your self We need a constant reminder of love out there especially when we are on the shaky road to the girl in dreams, our self! Yes I do know pain, but now I embrace every bit of it, because I know my self and where I am heading. the sight of what shall be is as ever clear and my heart grows with love each and every way. But such transition isn't easy but it is necessary. If I can tell you that if you are afraid of loosing loved ones those who do not understand, you really never truly had their love in the first place. For those who love you, there will not be a choice but they will remain loving forever. So don't choose whom to abandon and whom not, but let them show you what they are made of.

I lived for 40 years before I have awakened, and realized I was dead all that time, but I am alive now!

Inna, you are going to do just fine. Let HRT take over that you needed long long ago as a child, teenager.

I hope we can continue to communicate as time goes by. My fellow TS girl friends mean a lot to me, we all have so much in common.

Wish I were 40, that would nice hovever I'm in my mid 50's, good shape, take care of myself but thinking about a face lift to tighten things up some. I'm just not sure where all the years went?

I plan to move forward with HRT & try to just relax, realize it will take time for any real changes.

Take care, Happy 4th of July.

Francis Ann