My mom and dad think I am confused and are insisting that I see a psychiatrist rather than the therapist I am seeing.
They are trying to force it on me with guilt.

I see no reason to see a psychiatrist as I know what I am.

Ive been told I will make an ugly woman and I am crushing my family.

I personally do not like dwelling in tragedy, and to be honest I just want to keep moving forward.
Every day I feel better about the future but discussing this with them is making me very depressed and full of anxiety.

What should I do, or rather, what are your personal experiences?

If you see a therapist or a psrynk just be sure they are conversant with gender issues.

So lets just play a little mental exercise shall we...:

Would you rather live your life as an attractive man where everyone see's you as a man, or would you rather live your life as a homely woman who is seen as a woman?

My immediate response to your post was "so what's wrong with being an ugly woman, anyway?" - to me, the point of living isn't to be beautiful, it's to be happy and help each other be happy (which makes people more beautiful anyway) - it sounds like your family doesn't care whether you're happy, so much as they care about how you will reflect on them as a family. To hell with that.

I know I am woman. Ive dreamed about it my whole life.

I feel for them, and understand their doubt, but I dont feel like I should play into it. However it makes me feel terribly guilty.

I guess I think your priority is to become happier, as that will have a calming effect on your family's doubts. So however you feel it's best for you to do that, go for it. You could discuss with your therapist what your family wants from you (seeing a psychiatrist) and how that makes you feel, if you haven't already.

The purpose of parenting to mammals is the thriving of their youth...It's highly inappropriate for them to be antagonistic forces upon you. :\ I think they're crushing themselves, and it's extremely shallow and low-blow for them to say that to you.  If they say it again I think you should bring up there's no effective way for them to be able to be sure of that.  You probably could also tell them that you've gotten comfortable with the therapist you're seeing now, and being torn away from him/her is going to make it harder to open up to the next person (the psychiatrist), which will lead to them throwing money down the drain and wasting your time.  Try to stay strong, ok? ^^

I, personally, would stay away from psychiatrists. (I've fired three of them.) From my experience and anecdotal evidence I've come
across, psychiatry and GID just don't get along. For example: If you go to a psych and tell him that you're depressed because you
feel like a woman, the first thing he's going to want to do is try and cure your depression with medication and hold off on your gender
issues until you're "stable." They're gatekeepers... I've even been told by others in the mental health field that most psychs are
arrogant twirps who think they're never wrong and feel that patients have to "prove themselves worthy" to make steps forward
in their treatment.

   Apparently, there is such a thing as a "gender psychiatrist" but, from what I've heard, they're more of a thing in Europe than in the US.
If your parents are concerned about credentials, try a compromise; seek out a gender therapist who's a psychologist instead of a Social
Worker. I think that you're lots better off with a female gender therapist that you're comfortable with rather than seeking out
someone with more letters after their name. How you decide, though, depends lots on where you are in transition and how old you are
(I mean, if you're under 18 and still have to listen to your parents) If the issue is just making them happy so you can maintain a relationship
with them, I'd say to go with your feelings and stay on your own course.... but if yours is a situation where your parents are going to
prevent you from moving forward, you might want to consider doing what they ask and avoid becoming adversarial.

  If you need your parents support in this, think of it this way; Going to a psychiatrist and having a second medical professional diagnose
you with GID might reinforce your credibility with your folks. Yep, they think you've lost your mind and are about to ruin your life.... you may have
to spend some energy proving them wrong. Just be sure, though, that anyone you choose has experience with gender issues!!!!! I can't
overemphasize how important that is; seeing someone without experience treating gender dysphoria at your stage is a waste of your time.


 

only bad parents would make you feel guilty about being you. people like my mom, she's taught us all to feel guilty, now that we've grown up we realize it's her, not us, that there's something wrong with. best thing for you is to never ever do anything out of a feeling of guilt, the only right thing to do is the one that you know you won't regret. it's so much easier to deal with the consequences of your own choices than those of other people. don't give yourself reason to blame your parents in the future the way i did by not standing up to them when i should have

if you feel like your therapist is good, then that's what's good for you. your family don't know you like you do, so they shouldn't really have much of a say in the matter. if you decide to see a psychiatrist, do it on the condition that you'll continue to see your current therapist (s/he could help you from falling too deep into depression in case the psychiatrist is as crazy as your family in trying to "correct" your mind)

The decision is ultimately yours.  If you are completely comfortable with your therapist, stay with her/him.  However, if you think that depression is an issue, make an appt with a psychiatrist. 
For me personally, I have both.  I see a Ph.D. for therapy and an MD for meds.  I havent had a problem with either one and in fact, both wrote me letters for surgery......but my therapist was more in tune with the standards of care.  Hope this helps

Personally I have been seeing a local therapist (psychologist) for other issues to do with depression, and a Psychiatrist specialising in Gender issues who is part of a local Gender Centre.  For  HRT and  surgery I need a Psychiatrists letters, and he is experienced in this area so I have no problems with it. He has only apparently refuse HRT in two cases, both of who had severe mental illnesses which would have led to disastrous results.

If you can find one who is a genuine specialist in GID, I would bet he will back you, leaving your family with no option but to agree with your course of action.  If they are serious they would find it difficult to object if you saw the best in the field, just make sure you are doing the right thing.

Karen.

Strangely, we don't have Therapists over here in the U.K as far as gender is concerned.

Actually, there are plenty of gender therapists in the UK - i.e. therapists who have undertaken training in that specific area and who have experience working with clients with gender issues. You can find them on this website (I found my current therapist on there):

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/gender-identity.html

Quote from: jillian on July 03, 2011, 10:36:21 AM
My mom and dad think I am confused and are insisting that I see a psychiatrist rather than the therapist I am seeing.
They are trying to force it on me with guilt.

I see no reason to see a psychiatrist as I know what I am.

Ive been told I will make an ugly woman and I am crushing my family.

I personally do not like dwelling in tragedy, and to be honest I just want to keep moving forward.
Every day I feel better about the future but discussing this with them is making me very depressed and full of anxiety.

What should I do, or rather, what are your personal experiences?

well, if you wanna transition, I recommend a Psychiatrist who is trained in gender studies.

Personally, I think therapist and psychiatrist is the same thing...like minister and pastor.

But if you do wanna transition, you should seek out a psychiatrist and a psychologist (or the second being a therapist who is knowledgeable in this).

The best therapist i ever had was a Psychiatrist. She wrote my srs letters. She gave me so much advice on my transition and I wouldnt be Annah today if it wasn't for her...so don't discount all Psychiatrists. Actually, I was referred to her by another Gender Psychiatrists. (There are Gender psychiatrists in the US too )There's just as many talented Gender Psychiatrists who knows about GID as there are Psychologists.

Hi Jillian

Where I am (Australia)  we see psychiatrists who specialise in GID. There is no such thing as a therapist.  When he (in my case) is happy about the mental issues,  genetics, LFT etc are ok he can start to prescribe medications and talk to the other medics, we need as one medic to another.

How do we end up looking? and what does it matter?

I'll end up looking like me, and yes it matters.

There is no such thing as an ugly woman. Particularly when it is you. BTW this is an age old parental comment to put MtF off. I had it when I was 13 and most people thought, correctly, that I was female. ' Don't you want to grow to be a big strong man and have babies with a woman?' 'No I want to be a woman and have babies with a big strong man' It was a bad day


I grew up to be 60 kilos, little facial hair, a tiny clitoris and no testicles (long story). Yep a big strong man for sure.

Cindy

Quote from: JessicaR on July 03, 2011, 03:03:41 PM
I, personally, would stay away from psychiatrists. (I've fired three of them.) From my experience and anecdotal evidence I've come across, psychiatry and GID just don't get along.
For example: If you go to a psych and tell him that you're depressed because you
feel like a woman, the first thing he's going to want to do is try and cure your depression with medication and hold off on your gender issues until you're "stable.
" They're gatekeepers... I've even been told by others in the mental health field that most psychs are arrogant twirps who think they're never wrong and feel that patients have to "prove themselves worthy" to make steps forward in their treatment.

Gosh you seem to describe my own experience in detail.
"Gate-keepers" ticking boxes. When I once sobbed he told me I was unstable and if not "corrected" it be the end of the process.
(That SOB is the ONLY gate-keeper there is at present in SA). He loves to prescribe PROZAC that's his forte, otherwise not a stitch of help or anything you'd call THERAPY.
One VERY bad experience I had to endure for one year. Once close to suicide when HRT was point blank refused after 3 month and I'm since 3 month full time RLE! Later after one year he still would not budge, like HRT that was not for him to decide. UNBELIEVABLE, what an arsehole and charging your socks off for 15min sessions.

Said 'nough, - my psychologist was like day and night compared and actually did therapy and charge for 1 hr what the other idjet charged for 15 min.
Life goes on, hey :-)
Axelle

My first reflex would be to ask, why see a psychiatrist instead of a therapist? Why can't you see both?

And most importantly, who the heck are your parents to decide that YOU need a psychiatrist? See a generalist doctor and see what that person thinks. You don't just go to a specialist doctor, especially a psychiatrist, whose role is basically to medicate mental illness cases that are hard to treat with psychotherapy alone, without an excellent reason (and ideally a referral from a doctor). Some psychiatrists even despise therapists altogether and will medicate without even trying such a thing.

Psychiatrists, in EVERY CASE, are a last resort. Do not see one without an excellent reason.

Aaaaaaand don't let yourself be influenced by your family. Take your own decisions.

Psychiatrists, in my opinion are the first resort!

If you get a gender Psychiatrist to work with you for your therapy, that will only prove to your parents further that your case is legitimate.

Psychiatrists just are not trained in negative social mental disorders. There are MANY good and wonderful gender Psychiatrists out there.

It may be because where I live, family doctors usually refer patients to specialist doctors, but in my opinion, that's where one should start. I have seen a total of 4 psychiatrists so far, one of which wanted to psychanalyze me by looking for childhood traumas before I could actually talk, another was a jerk who thought he knew every hardship in the world because he had a wheelchair and I couldn't complain, another was nice but unable to work with gender issues and the last one is very hard to understand, tends to go hard on medications and has an unfriendly attitude.

Most importantly, none of them, except the one who was uncomfortable with gender issues, did actually seem to listen to me and understand me. Or, at least, gave me the impression that they did.

My experience has lead me to believe that they are not all that great. I may have just had bad luck, though, but I am still reluctant about going to see a specialist doctor as a first step. My perception is that they prescribe and judge; they don't treat.

Did you hire a Psychiatrist that was specialized and trained in Gender Issues? Or did you picked a Psychiatrist that was a "general" psychiatrist?

When it comes to gender transformation, you need to pick a psychiatrist that has notable experience in the fields of gender studies and sexuality. Personally, I would never pick a Psychiatrist from a generic medical clinic. I shop for mine...make sure they do have the experience to help me transition.

Think of Psychiatrists and Leaders in a religious building. You would not want to go to a Roman Catholic Priest to do your Wiccan Altar Devotions and you would not go to a Rabbi to discuss your options on Karma routed reincarnation. While all these people have had some sort of training in all religions and all are credentialed to marry, preach, etc etc, you still want to find the right religious leader to your specific questions or problems. The same is true with Psychiatrists.

Or look at it in a Medical way.

If you are in dire need of Chemotherapy, you would not go to your general practitioner.  You would seek out an Oncologist.

With any professional field, you want to look for someone who is specifically trained in the field of study that you are needing help from. Opening the yellow pages or calling your closest mental health provider is not the right way.

As TS roadmap states: When looking for a TS related psychiatrist, make sure you ask the following questions to the Psychiatrist:

    * How many TS patients do you have?
    * How many women have you recommended for surgery?
    * How long have you been working with TSs?
    * What is your educational background?
          o Remember, one of your SRS letter writers must, according to the Standards of Care, be from a doctorate-level clinical professional: "If the first letter is from a person with a master's degree (M.A.), the second letter should be from a psychiatrist (M.D.) or a clinical psychologist (Ph.D.). If the first letter is from the patient's psychotherapist, the second letter should be from a person who has only played an evaluative role for the patient."
    * What books on TS issues most influenced you?
    * Have you written any books or articles on the subject?
    * What got you interested in working with transsexuals?
    * What is your basic philosophy about how to treat this condition?
    * What is your opinion of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care?
    * What is your hourly rate?
    * What length of session do you usually prefer?
    * Is it possible to do longer or shorter sessions?
    * How long do you usually see patients before you might OK them for hormonal therapy? SRS?
    * Are you affiliated with any endocrinologists or plastic surgeons?
    * Are you part of my insurance network?
    * Would you be willing to classify our sessions as depression in order to meet insurance requirements?
    * What are your hours?
    * Do you have weekend or evening appointments?
    * Do you work from your home or from an office?

QuoteIf you are in dire need of Chemotherapy, you would not go to your general practitioner.

Uhm, no, actually, that's where we disagree. You need to go to the general practitioner who will refer you in radiology to see if there's a tumor, and if it's a confirmed cancer, then you're going to be referred to an oncologist. If everyone bothered specialists directly with problems that could possibly not require them, the system would fail.

But it seems to work radically differently over where you are. You are in the US. Since you pay for everything there, whereas if you are poor you get nothing at all, if you have money, you have a lot of freedom. Here, unless you're rich AND you live in a big, big city, you don't "shop" for a physician. Most of them are in the public system. You get the one the system deems the best for you.

As for who I have seen, the three first were not gender-specialized (but I had started seeing them for something else anyway). The last one is. He's actually THE specialist around.