I have been thinking lately about coming out to some people at work. Partly it is to have some confidante's and supporters there, but also because I feel people often think we are some rare strange breed. We are sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, your coworker and your friend. I don't think it is fair to stay in the shadows while allowing our brothers and sisters who may have trouble passing to take the brunt of societies cruelties. Anyway, that's just me. People can and will do as they see fit.

So, the first person I came out to was a very, very gay manager we have. I should say, Disney is a very gay place. On my attraction alone, we can have about 5-7 gay people working at one time on any given day one of which is an FTM friend of mine. I told my manager after he asked me if I was married to a man. I don't like to make up stories, so I told him the truth. His brain just about melted down trying to wrap his head around it. You could see the smoke coming out of his ears as he tried to process the idea that I was a straight man and now am a lesbian woman. Even after seeing my before pictures, he couldn't see it, which left me kind of bemused. My FTM friend witnessed much of it and told me "I think you broke him." LOL. The next day though he saw me and gave me a huge hug. Something he also did the next day. I have been touched by his kindness.

The next person I came out to was also a gay guy that was literally going out the door to start working at a new attraction. I told him quickly and he got a huge smile on his face. He basically just said, "that is awesome!" He made me promise to see him at his new place of work. Felt good about that one too.

Last night was the latest person I told. Straight young girl who I have gotten kinda close to. We were alone for a few minutes, which is rare, so I told her I was a lesbian. She thought that was it, but then I told her I was trans too. At first, she thought I was pulling her leg, but I let her see photos of me and she just got a huge smile on her face and laughed. Her only question was whether I was happier now and I said yes.

So, three people at work now know. It makes me feel better somehow. I am not defined by my transness, but it is an important part of me. I feel it says something about me and where I came from. Since they never knew him though, they still see Maia. I've also realized that people seem to have an easier time of it if I tell them to think of my past as me being a very, very butch lesbian. It helps them connect the dots in a way in their head that the male/female, straight/lesbian seeming discontinuity makes difficult for them. I know I am taking a chance and time will tell how it works out, but for now I feel good.

This is good news. Be careful, however: you can be as open as you would like, but if you want some privacy, you should tell those people that this secret should not be revealed by anyone but you. People could "just tell their best friend" and a long chain could form, or could mention it as an amusing answer to "so, was work interesting today?" without telling your name, possibly resulting in a rumour that "some trans girl works there" and you being clocked.

You don't have to go for the discreet approach. There are many benefits to being open. But if you don't want the bad sides of that "openness", you should take precautions.

If you are out, you're "OUT!".  Three can keep a secret if two are dead, and you have no reasonable expectations that others be forced to keep your secret if you choose to share it.

Quote from: tekla on July 05, 2011, 01:01:29 PM
If you are out, you're "OUT!".  Three can keep a secret if two are dead, and you have no reasonable expectations that others be forced to keep your secret if you choose to share it.

Yes, I realize that. That is actually part of my curiosity. I wonder if it will spread. Now, my FTM friend has always  known too, so it has never been just me. Disney in general knows since I told them during my interview process. I dont mind being out. I find it very taxing to watch my pronouns about my spouse and to keep ever vigilant about how i talk about my past. That alone makes me feel different. We shall see how it works out.

Quote from: Melody Maia on July 05, 2011, 12:29:54 PM
His brain just about melted down trying to wrap his head around it. You could see the smoke coming out of his ears as he tried to process the idea that I was a straight man and now am a lesbian woman. Even after seeing my before pictures, he couldn't see it, which left me kind of bemused. My FTM friend witnessed much of it and told me "I think you broke him." LOL..

That actually made me giggle because my old hairdresser that exact same reaction with me.

I hope it works out just the way you want it to, hon. *hug* It seems like there's a lot of positivity there.

I am proud of you and surprised.

You are right. We do need some out people to show the world we are just normal people.

Surprised because you could go partial stealth real easy. You are one of the few who transition as late as you did who can completely assimilate. Testosterone did not ravage you irepairably.

If you want to be out be careful. Florida is not known as the most liberal place, even if Disney is liberal.

such a wonderful 1st step!! When I came out and started fulltime, I telephoned a cousin and told her.....because I knew how she loved to gossip, she'd save me the time and tell everyone for me!
congratulations!!

Well that's certainly good news.

Personally I would never come out. I only know of a handful of people who are gay friendly but not THAT gay friendly, and I would want people to see me as a woman..nothing else.

Yay Disney. Any chance you're in Anaheim? Sorry if I'm prying to hard . Also, kudos on having the courage to come out at work. It's nice to know there are people out there that will simply accept people for who they are without having to act like Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura.

I've always thought that the fewer secrets I had the less I had to worry about and the greater the possibility that people will like the real me.

Quote from: Melody Maia on July 05, 2011, 12:29:54 PMI am not defined by my transness, but it is an important part of me. I feel it says something about me and where I came from.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

THIS.  In SPADES.  Girl, that is AWESOMELY profound.  Congrats on starting to come out from behind the veil.  I just KNOW it'll work out the way you hope.  You're very brave.  CONGRATS, girl!

Melody,
Way to go sis.
I'm sure it feels good to have accepting friends at work.
Oh I love the manager's reaction.
I don't know if you and your FTM friend laughed but I had too when I read about it.
And now his great responce oh wow it so... wonderful.
You are blessed.
Hugs,
Jillieann

Quote from: tekla on July 05, 2011, 09:01:36 PM
I've always thought that the fewer secrets I had the less I had to worry about and the greater the possibility that people will like the real me.

Really great point. I hate keeping secrets now. I kept them too long and it hurt me.

@Jamie Nicole: I've been out generally since October and full time since January 20th. Started this job though on April 30th. They have only ever known me as Maia.

@Cyndi, yeah, I know. I did think of just going stealth, but I hated monitoring myself so closely. Disney is a little oasis though. I like it there.

@Whitney, Nope. The other one. Heh.

@Colleen, thanks hon.

@ Jillieann, yup we both laughed.  I have been very blessed thought this whole transition. The hard things have been very hard, but some of the other things I have been able to navigate pretty easily. I am unbelievably grateful for that.

Quote from: Melody Maia on July 06, 2011, 12:07:14 AM
Really great point. I hate keeping secrets now. I kept them too long and it hurt me.

once you let it all out there will be a big load off your shoulders!  

Fantastic that you have had the response you did.  If I ever get to Disney I will look out for you, you spunky chick!! 

Karen.

O H Y,  Melody!!! I will say again how I love your attitude!!! I will never forget the look on my managers face when I told her-PRICELESS! She saw me only as a very masculine guy-never again. I still present there as a guy but in my head I am all girl. There are several girls there who I believe know as they all include me in the girl talk. One of them saw me last week crying and asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I came very close to telling her all of it right then but I procrastinated. Now that I think about it I may go ahead and do it tomorrow.

Are you playing music there at Disney or performing another function? Wish we could have hooked up when I was down there-maybe next time!!

Randi