I am not sure how to word this appropriately...I am wondering tho...

How it works for other SO's of one that has transitioned when it comes to the day to day working of the relationship? For Brooke and I we are more able to go into this a F 2 F couple. For most, that luxury isn't an option. How do things change in the household and does the TG's change their role? We do things based on our genders so...

I guess I mean if say Brooke always mowed the lawn as a *he* does those or should those *male* slanted chores etc be divied up between the two girls?

Make any sense? This has been niggling at my mind the past couple days.

I would imagine it's like most lesbian couples. You divide chores according to your skills, talents, and interests, then make an equitable split or rotate doing what you both hate doing. Or hire someone if you can afford it and neither wants to do it.

Dennis

I would imagine you are right Dennis however I guess for me the bigger question is does it upset or bother a TS to be left in the mold of their past life because of a skill set? Does it breed any resentment? Like just because I am a GG doen't mean I wanna be stuck with the dishes, ya know what I mean?

Good question


                      The chore situation has not changed for me as I always have done dishes, laundry, decorating, picking out furniture etc. I think it will depend on the person. Some mtf feel they need to reject any previous traits they may have had, such as enjoying football and I can see how they might be bothered by the more typically male chores. Dennis has the correct answer as far as how things should be.  The thing that bothers me the most, and it always has throughout life, is always being the person that has to be strong, the one that has to have the answers, the provider and the protector.  Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me, I want to be the one protected.



beth 

QuoteI would imagine you are right Dennis however I guess for me the bigger question is does it upset or bother a TS to be left in the mold of their past life because of a skill set? Does it breed any resentment? Like just because I am a GG doen't mean I wanna be stuck with the dishes, ya know what I mean?

As for me some chores changed while others remained. I don't find I'm stuck in a mold by the chores. Mowing the lawn and woodworking are things I enjoy. I just feel my wife works full time and I work casual. We have always done this to avoid paying a babysitter and she makes 3x  my wages so it makes sense. I feel since I hardly work I should do the housework. While trying to be a guy by copying guys around me this was a hassle since guys I know don't do dishes and laundry etc. However, I really do enjoy doing the house work and keep things up very well what with 3 lil ones and a wife and all. I know what you mean by chores defined by gender but I know mowing needs to be done so I just do it and don't worry about it much.
                   Kim   

Quote from: beth on February 17, 2007, 12:47:33 PM
Good question

The thing that bothers me the most, and it always has throughout life, is always being the person that has to be strong, the one that has to have the answers, the provider and the protector.  Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me, I want to be the one protected.



beth 

thank you Beth. This is a good answer here. I think that the questions encompasses all of this. As a gender label we are forced into roles...I am an aggressive person (not in a bad way) and I tend to be the go-to person, the fixer etc. But, when it comes to needing to be cared for and coddled and protected...we are all that way. Those are human needs, not gender based. The showing of those needs is where it gets sticky in society which is really a shame. *hugs*

Quote from: Kim on February 17, 2007, 12:54:41 PM

QuoteI would imagine you are right Dennis however I guess for me the bigger question is does it upset or bother a TS to be left in the mold of their past life because of a skill set? Does it breed any resentment? Like just because I am a GG doen't mean I wanna be stuck with the dishes, ya know what I mean?

As for me some chores changed while others remained. I don't find I'm stuck in a mold by the chores. Mowing the lawn and woodworking are things I enjoy. I just feel my wife works full time and I work casual. We have always done this to avoid paying a babysitter and she makes 3x  my wages so it makes sense. I feel since I hardly work I should do the housework. While trying to be a guy by copying guys around me this was a hassle since guys I know don't do dishes and laundry etc. However, I really do enjoy doing the house work and keep things up very well what with 3 lil ones and a wife and all. I know what you mean by chores defined by gender but I know mowing needs to be done so I just do it and don't worry about it much.
                   Kim   

Kim, thanks. That makes perfect sense. Your and your wifes roles are a bit different since she is the one out there working fulltime. I can see why this works for the two of you.
You REALLY like house work? I got plenty you can do :p I hate it.

Good question.  For me and other SOs that I have spoken to sometimes this is a big stumbling block.  For example; if the couple is remaining in the same house/residence, I've heard there is some resentment that though perhaps the roles have changed and the responsiblities haven't.  As a couple moving into a house the chores were divided up, probably into the traditional roles where males take care of the outside chores while females taking care if the inside chores.  And of course there are always cross overs; males doing some of the laundry and females doing some of the yard work, etc.  Once the gender has changed some resentment may occur regarding the chores.  And this would probably go both ways, where before I would not be mowing the lawn and all of a sudden the partner doesn't want to do it anymore because of a role change.  Would I be resentful because of this - you bet I would. 

So how do you address this; sell up and buy/move into a condo  .

I'm not sure what your relationship is with Brooke (married, dating, couple, engaged, etc.,) how do you handle these situations?

Gill

Quote from: Gill on February 17, 2007, 01:14:45 PM
Good question.  For me and other SOs that I have spoken to sometimes this is a big stumbling block.  For example; if the couple is remaining in the same house/residence, I've heard there is some resentment that though perhaps the roles have changed and the responsiblities haven't.  As a couple moving into a house the chores were divided up, probably into the traditional roles where males take care of the outside chores while females taking care if the inside chores.  And of course there are always cross overs; males doing some of the laundry and females doing some of the yard work, etc.  Once the gender has changed some resentment may occur regarding the chores.  And this would probably go both ways, where before I would not be mowing the lawn and all of a sudden the partner doesn't want to do it anymore because of a role change.  Would I be resentful because of this - you bet I would. 

So how do you address this; sell up and buy/move into a condo  .

I'm not sure what your relationship is with Brooke (married, dating, couple, engaged, etc.,) how do you handle these situations?

Gill

Thanks Gill. Very good answers, more to the meat of what I am asking...

WRT Brooke and I, we have no issues with this as we live on opposite coasts for the time being. Hopefully that will change soon (Brooke if your reading kisskiss, lol)
Because Brooks hasn't come out she is still basically living life as a man, work included.

I don't really see this being an issue for us per se as much as I am curious how everyone else has handled it. It is easier for Brooke and I because once we do live together (Breath Brooke breath hehe), I will be going into it knowing everything in advance, a big plus I think.

My expectations would simply be that she handles the things she has expertise in, and should any of those things be gender oriented and she would be resentful I would like to know in advance so as not to breed any tension or hurt feelings.

Although a GG, I am quite skilled with power tools (not those kind Melissa *giggle*) and love to build things. I am also somewhat athletic and very strong bodied and tend to take on a lot of things most women wont or dont. I wouldn't expect Brooke to be out there changing my oil or fixing my car just because she was born with a male body and has lived male. Now, if Brooke happens to be an expert oil changer and loves to do it, hey that works too.

Our situation is a little different in most in that my partner stays home and I work.. when she was living as a male she was looked down at for being a "house-husband" .. So shes been sortof coming more into herself identifying as my wife.  It's acceptable for a woman to stay home and manage the household.. and thats what she does.

As for yardwork, well... we live in an apt complex so we're fortunate that we don't have to do any... but when we do make THAT transition (from apartment to house) we'll probably have to hire a lawn service... She is allergic to grass, and I have a deep seated fear of lawnmowers :lol 

As a general rule I do more heavy lifting.. shes been on hormones for about 18 months and has lost a LOT of strength from her 'former self'  and thats exemplified by the fact that she does stay home... she rarely lifts anything heavier then laundry hehe...

We each do our own laundry.... sometimes I'll do Brick's laundry and clean up his room. (That's pretty rare).  We both like to cook.  He likes chopping the wood, so I let him do that   I also love it when he does the dirty stuff with the cars.  I generally do the cleaning up although he will wash dishes quite often.  I prefer to do the cleaning in the bathrooms so that it meets my standards.. that has never, ever been a problem for him.

When it comes to keeping the house up, I usually do that because I like to build things.  If we are painting, I get him to help.  He usually does most of the outside stuff though.

I live more than half time without him.  As a result, I have to be able to do most things on my own.  I don't like plumbing work, but things always break or back up right after he leaves to go back to work on Sunday night.  I usually end up dealing with them and I'm too cheap to call someone to come in.  It won't be long until I've done all the plumbing things in the house and I'll be able to say "now that I know how to do all this stuff.. it's time to go back and replace everything and do it right!"

Give and take... that's all it is.  Once in a while, neither of us will do anything and stuff starts to pile up.  It's that way right now cause I'm working on a project on the dining table... it's been there a while until I get all the parts.  And everything else seems to suffer some.  He's cool about it and lets it slide.  But if I go too long, he'll get a little upset about it.

Good luck to ya!

Cindi

Wow...This is not really a problem with Leah and I either.
We do so much together. We have cleaning days for major furniture moving and cleaning. What ever needs done on a daily bases gets done by whom ever sees it first or has time. This is true with all tasks in and out of the house. We literally do it all together and always have. We shop for groceries and household need together. We paint together, we build and remodel together. we do yard work together. I have lupus and have some days I can't get around so easily with out hurting. So when flares happen we hire someone to come in take over helping out. We find doing things together to be something we love and look forword to. Leah has taught me to use the saws and power tools we need for building and redecorating in our home and in our rentals. She taught me to work on my car like oil changes and flat changing and stuff like that. I don't find myself feeling any less ladylike just because I know how to do these things now. I feel more self relient and able to take care of myself should ever be with out my beloved Leah as a result for this.

What we are at the thresh hole of is another issue of gender social stigma in choosing what type of work she'll be able to do once her transitional surgeries are completed. Leah has always worked manually using the male strengths and machinery to make a living. What job fields offer her postr op willl be something of another story. Not many female water well and septic diggers out there. Not many oil field derick and ruffnecks workers out there either. We have kick around remodeling and interier decorating business together as we both are very capable and good at this and we work well together. But no certain resolve there yet.

Peggiann

Quote from: Peggiann on March 03, 2007, 01:02:26 AM
Wow...This is not really a problem with Leah and I either.
We do so much together. We have cleaning days for major furniture moving and cleaning. What ever needs done on a daily bases gets done by whom ever sees it first or has time. This is true with all tasks in and out of the house. We literally do it all together and always have. We shop for groceries and household need together. We paint together, we build and remodel together. we do yard work together. I have lupus and have some days I can't get around so easily with out hurting. So when flares happen we hire someone to come in take over helping out. We find doing things together to be something we love and look forword to. Leah has taught me to use the saws and power tools we need for building and redecorating in our home and in our rentals. She taught me to work on my car like oil changes and flat changing and stuff like that. I don't find myself feeling any less ladylike just because I know how to do these things now. I feel more self relient and able to take care of myself should ever be with out my beloved Leah as a result for this.

What we are at the thresh hole of is another issue of gender social stigma in choosing what type of work she'll be able to do once her transitional surgeries are completed. Leah has always worked manually using the male strengths and machinery to make a living. What job fields offer her postr op willl be something of another story. Not many female water well and septic diggers out there. Not many oil field derick and ruffnecks workers out there either. We have kick around remodeling and interier decorating business together as we both are very capable and good at this and we work well together. But no certain resolve there yet.

Peggiann

Hi, nice to meet you

I am in a bit of a different situation as Brooke and I do not live together. We are on opposite coasts. One day I hope that to change, but anyhow I posted this question one day because of something someone had said in another thread.
Good answers btw.

FWIT I am an Interior Designer. I had my own business in Oregon. Remained licensed there til the 1st of this yr. I am in CA now. It is a wonderful business if you're into it. I love it. I will do it again once I have decided where I want to do it at.

HAHAH Well said Tink !
almost the exact copy of my wife and I ...
though she works and I am still the "house husband" I have to admit I am realy LOUSY at it! I'm happy being male ,but I think there is something to Housework that grates against my geans... Plumbing fine... but sweeping ? what, are you nuts ? HAHAHAHAH!
....
the place is a mess and alwayse is... but I do feel its my CHORE to do it sense she is the one that is working , not me ! but I do all the Male stuff, includeing the bathrooms most of the time, but she gets the litter-boxes ! <grin>
I cut the wood and she putters in the back yard tending her flowers, its not an elegant exhistance but it works and that is what counts. some times things will pile up so bad that its frightening... while I am busy working on the car of something and everyone gets sick of it... but that is normal, usually everyone pitches in and cleans up the mess the cats have made then !... and yes, the cats get the blame most of the time, simply because they did it !!!!!
  I've never seen critters that can get into everything so fast so quietly and then look so inocent when dicovered ! ... I think a bunch of Pigs would be cleaner at times! hehehe

I've alwayse done the Male chores and She goes to work, that means I get to do most of her stuff too... which gets done most of the time (in all honnesty!)
though I fought the "HouseHusband" syndrome as well, most guys thought I was a bumm for letting my wife work and I stayed home, but she simply made twice what I did and it was not financially feesable to pay a sitter at the time....  now, I could care less what other guys think ! ...but I don't know how ! <GRIN> 
our day to day lives are tough enough to worry about what the "jones's" are doing or thinking ..... who cares !   
just getting liscnses on the car before they expire is a task that is a great accomplishment ! ...
...
so , in short...don't worry about the others, you do what works out for you guys !
if that means Momm'a works , then fine ! if that means you get to scrub the torlets then fine ! what ever works for you.... as Tinkerbell said COMUNICATION !  thats the key in any relationship.... if you don't comunicate you don't have a relationship ! its VITAL!
....
when I discovered that my wife absoultly HATED cleaning the bathroom torlets I said "Realy? well ok no problem it don't bother me that much! I'll do it!"  and I been scrubbing the torlets every sense, its no biggie, if you've ever had to dig up an overflowed septic tank leach feild thats nothing believe me ! <grin>
one thing I have learned through life never put off a nasty job, because it will alwayse be there to greet you, till you brake down and get it done! (sayz here in fine print!)
if the chore is a hudge daunting task, do something on it each day and purdy soon it will be done ! its amazeing how well that works, because you usually get involved doing something on the big task and don't stop till that part is done... in this way I have been able to do hudge jobs myself  and hardly even realiseing their almost done !
those things that look "Impossable" now are just  a few days down the road doing something on it every day!  ...it works fer me!

C ya !

Bob......