I think this is a very important question because I'm sure all of us here have had on and off doubts about wether or not a lack of confidence in a male role may lead to the want for a female role.

Quite simply, I would define a "popular boy" as someone who, during some period of their middle to high school education, was the type of guy that all the guys looked up to, that all the girls wanted to have sex with, the type of guy who constantly was at parties or just was surrounded by great attitudes and admiration (because that's no "in the movies" concept, most straight guys that I went to school with applied to this lifestyle.) Was anyone here that type of popular male?

And I do not strictly mean that in a jock, football player sense, you could have been popular in an alternative sense, in a druggie sense, in a rock band sense, in a stylish sense, popularity meaning if you always had supportive friends in a male role that truly fueled your ego and weren't just friends you tolerated because you were desperate or confused. Were you ever the leader, the cool kid that everyone wanted to tell a joke to or ask how the summer went? Did people naturally admire you?

Just curious!

I guess I was an underdog. The one girl I dated in High School said a lot of girls were interested in me. I didnt see that. lol
But she wanted me to post this, so, here are her words:

"you should mention, that there's a bisexual woman in the UK that would leap your bones, whether you identify as a man or a woman, because the important thing is the package, and yours is beautiful, and always has been."

She thought I was the coolest boy in school because I was doing my own thing. I didn't follow the latest trends. Truth be told, I was trying to figure out who and what I was. So if I fit into a classification or definition I would have been the Goth chick who is polite and wishes the other students would leave her alone.

I was well liked in high school once I learned how to chameleon enough.  I don't think I'd define myself as popular the way you do though.  I had plenty of friends and plenty of girls that were interested in me.

I didn't like (and still struggle) getting attached to people because I was afraid of acting like myself and people thinking badly about me, takes a few years for me to be able to "act myself" around people. So I just had a tight knit group of friends and still do really. I kept to myself and my few friends and people left me alone, never got bullied or picked on, probably because I'm not easily offended and don't give much reaction.

One thing I hope I will gain from transitioning is confidence in feeling like myself so I'm less of a mute in social situations. See myself as a kind of extrovert with social anxieties because I want to and would love to go out and make friends but at the same time when I go my brain kinda goes "nope" to it.

Very few friends, recognised as being non-masculine. Usually tolerated. Not bullied. Didn't mingle with people with whom I had no interest, which was most of them. I never developed male bonding stuff and was totally freaked out by it, still am.

It was no lack of confidence, I was fully confident I was female.

Cause and effect models need incredible controls that are very difficult to have in sociology models. That is the reason most sociology models are crap and the results are contradictory.

Cindy 

You ask: "Did people naturally admire you?"

In short: NO, NONE what so ever. Maybe a gay older person or two, though I did not really look girlish at all. Yet must then already have this certain something they noticed. Some femme vibe, which was there through all my boy-mode life.

Once going through puberty I worked hard to defend myself so I would not be bullied, and I wasn't. Had a tough time learning to be mean-ish when required, but at least once recall I got wiped out by some older REAL mean SOB dude.

In general I was mostly "invisible" and only was noticed for my substandard performances in primary and high school, which I left early to learn a trade. Tech college and apprenticeship were quite hard in the beginning. Just more "bully beef" and hard lessons how to be more "male". How to walk, how to talk, endless "how toos". One endless violation... and in early transition experienced as having been raped, very degrading (not sexually though).

I do know some guys that pretty well fit your description, they always seemed to be a sort of "main man". Could NEVER get that right as it was just not me.
Axelle

PS: was never exactly a wimp, having gone through a constant stream of maltreatments, but clinically depressed ever since I went to primary school, high school, college, Air Force, etc.

I went to a very hard working class 'all boys school' and got beaten up every day and called 'girl' because I looked like a girl. I wasn't popular! Several times I would come home with blood all over my face, beaten up by eight boys with doctor Martin boots who were kicking me in head! It was like putting me in with vultures. I missed a lot of my education because of this.

lower school I was very out spoken and formed a close friendship with two other boys, we dominated the basketball courts during the mornings and breaks and generally were looked up to. I went on to become the main sports captain for the last year and one of the others a prefect. A prefect is like a mediator/role model for other kids in the same year and below. In hindsight it didn't matter who or what you achieved it was just given to the most popular boys and girls.
During high school I forged my own personality that was unique in my year.. for what could of easily set me aside as a freak it had the reverse effect and I made friends easily both the same year, year below and the two years above me. I had just as many girl friends (both the alternative and prissy) as I did boys. The girl that I knew the best who I spend the most time with out side of school later told me when I asked, it was because I was different.. more or less. I had my own personality that was original and stood out. I didn't really understand it at the time, I was a skater and just wore skate clothes and anime t-shirts that got a lot of attention! And listened to music that was not mainstream. That was what got me friends with older guys who were friends with the musical bunch who I ended up becoming closest with after school.
I had no issues with school even though I was technically a dork, wore glasses and hid my bubble butt under baggy jeans, I was lucky to find people that saw beyond that I guess.
Did I ever get picked on? I think I took part in three or four altercations.. the first I didn't even fight back as I was too busy picking up coins I dropped, the other two were provoked and I just snapped. I guess I had it in me to stand up for myself even with the last one being with a guy that was way bigger than me.. one hit was enough to defuse the situation though.

I probably could have been, had I chosen to live my life a certain way. It's not hard to give people what they want, when you know what that is. I was never interested in being an actress though, and people seeing an projected image of you is worse than people never seeing you at all. Not to mention the interests which would have led to that 'popularity' held as much interest for me as watching a paint dry.

So I opted for just being myself. Which led to largely being ostracised from both males and females. Perhaps that was subconsciously pushing people away, who knows. I was never really exposed to living a female role or a male role. It was something I've had to discover for myself throughout my life. As a result of which, I've never really gone for the "Well I've tried it one way and that sucked, so I'll try it the other way and see if people like me more." approach, and still don't. I don't care too much about other people's approval one way or the other. I've had friends in my life who've attempted to fuel the maleness and make me act like a 'bloke', but I've always tended to shy away from that aspect as it felt, and still feels unnatural.

I am very extroverted and i def was in high school. I loved high school a lot and had very fond memories of the place. Undergrad college was fun for me as well. Even in graduate school i love to socialize.

But for high school, I loved it very much. I would consider myself very popular in my high school. I was Drum Major for two years, I participated in the Exchange student program (AFS) and my family took in a German Exchange student.... her and I are good friends to this day. I also did Varsity track and field and Varsity Soccer. My senior year I was class President.

While I did go out on a few dates, i never made it a priority only because dating men was not the "in thing" in the early 90s, so that aspect of my life i just didn't bother with.

I guess being popular came with my personality? I just loved making friends despite what "clique" they were in. I had wonderful friends who were band geeks, goths, football players, cheerleaders, etc etc.

Matter of fact, my best friend growing up (we were best friends from 1st grade to about graduation of college) transitioned to female and I just found out about it last year. She is married to a wonderful man and they adopted a baby about 3 years ago. Neither of us knew about each other's little secret. Pretty awesome story about that.

But, yeah, I considered myself to be very sociable in high school and was popular. Even after my transition, all of my classmates took it very well. Matter of fact, I am organizing our 20th high school reunion for next year.

I would say I was a middle-of the road type in HS.

I wasn't exactly captain of the football team, but I was co-captain of my Soccer team and had a bunch of friends through a very outgoing personality. I held onto friendships I made in my younger days, and as 'clicks' started to appear once we moved forward in school, I was just as comfortable hanging out with my friends in the smoking section as I was the jocks, the troublemakers, the brains, the band kids, etc.

I was dying inside on a daily basis due to at times pretty severe GID after puberty hit, but looking back it was my full bore Oscar-worthy performance of regularly being the fun happy-go-lucky guy next door that people didn't seem to mind hanging out with me. I was smart enough to keep my real feelings hidden and know when to play the roles. 

As far as the girls...I never had confidence as a male to bed the girls.  My personality was always enough to get them interested, but after a few dates they got the hint pretty quick I wasn't the regular dude they were hoping for and it ALWAYS fizzled.  I just couldn't perform and male instincts (intimacy) didn't come naturally to me. I was always criticized for being too passive and letting them take the lead. Often left me embarrassed. God knows what they talked about me with their friends after a night of disappointing teenage unfulfillment.  Come to think of it, scoring with girls is probably the one place I never could mask my true self.  I was just too young and sexually confused to learn how to fake it/get through it as I would do in my mid-20s.

Tried as I might to get amped up about a big date and 'afterwards' with a girl to brag to my buddies, my burgeoning attraction to guys was playing havoc with me every time.  I used to hate myself and feel so guilty about that.  Now I embrace it. 

I was in a sense popular.  In third grade I beat up a sixth grade bully and he got expelled for it.  I became, "king of the schoolyard" for that.  I changed schools after that, so it was short lived.  In middle school I stopped caring what people thought ( though I still compartmentalized my whole self), and became a member of, "the ditch crowd".  We were the smoker's and stoners who held reverence throughout the school for our nonconformity.  Later in high school I transcended the class structure, was friends with mainly upper classmates, and had a following of people, that would be drawn to my charismatic nonconformist attitude.  In retrospect, I ended up starting a number of trends with fashion, and attitudes; but it was due to my nonchalant, nonobservance of them that caused that.  So, in a nutshell, I was very popular with the fringe element.  Geeks, nerds, diseffected youth, and those "invisible" factions.   

As for me I wasn't a "popular boy", but interestingly enough I was liked and befriended by a few friends that were. I crossed lines and didn't care about being popular, just being myself or what I wanted to be at the time. Funny thing was it made me popular  with some of my younger friends. On graduation night from High School I suddenly realized how many people I didn't know, and several days later it didn't matter anymore. My popularity came later when I was in the Navy, I had a car!

Hm, I had some kind of popularity coming from the fact I was the caricature of a slow, confused, sympathetic and soft person, so everyone knew me and 99% people were at least remotely friendly with me. But no, I was not "popular". I was mainly alone and even my friends did not do much with me.

I was popular when I was younger, but from around 11 onward I became fairly unhappy, reclusive, and anti-social.  I've never really fit properly into a male role, but I don't think that influenced my popularity all that much one way or another.  I just got sick of trying to make friends after moving around every year or two, especially after a lot of bullying in a few cities I lived in.

I went to a very small (grad. class of 62) college prep school, so there were few cliques.  We were forced to work together despite/or perhaps in spite of, personality problems.  So we were very good at working together and that really dampened the entire popularity deal.

Quote from: A on July 06, 2011, 10:45:22 AM
Hm, I had some kind of popularity coming from the fact I was the caricature of a slow, confused, sympathetic and soft person, so everyone knew me and 99% people were at least remotely friendly with me. But no, I was not "popular". I was mainly alone and even my friends did not do much with me.

this sounds pretty similar to my high school experience

I wasn't a class officer or a superlative but those who were were my friends because I could play guitars and sing, or turn a wrench if someone need it. If there had been something called Goth back then that is what I would be classified as but back then we wore frayed bell-bottoms and army fatigues with the long hair of course.

There were always girls who wanted to go out with me but I wasn't interested. I was into smoking a joint and sitting in the woods while reading a book-or tearing something mechanical apart to see how it worked. I learned to fight from my brother and father who gave me the school of hard knocks. So when the time came to fight those who thought they could fight, I usually mopped the floor with them and a couple of their buddies!! After that those guys would give me plenty of room to be who I wanted to be and the others looked up to me for it.

Little did they know I just wanted to go paint my nails!!

Randi

I never considered myself popular, but by my Senior year I was friends with people from all different cliques. Early on in high school I was kind of the leader of the nerdy types but I started to cross barriers and make friends with the jocks, and the loners, the artsy kids, etc. I went to most of the popular parties my senior year.  Was an athlete myself, member of the student council, was in the drama club, and had a large role in the senior play where I was cast as a cross dresser so I played the entire role in drag and everyone loved it. (If they only knew how much I did too). In my senior year book I was voted "Best all around" whatever that means, so I guess I was somewhat popular.

Sexually though, no, that was one area I remained shy and confused about as I hid all my feelings.  Still was a virgin at graduation.

I was very well liked and popular in highschool.. I was the kid who smarted off to the teachers and got sent to the headmaster everyday.  When I started highschool kids began to pick on me because I was so tiny, but I had a very quick whit and was able to defend myself easily with witty remarks and come backs... often making the other person look dumb or foolish.  After that, nobody seemed to bother me because they knew I would get the best of them in conversation.  I even had one guy push me up against the wall in the bathroom and I while he was holding me there I made a smart ass comment about something he had just said, and all his friends laughed at him.  He put me down and left the bathroom.  He found me later that day and told me that nobody had ever stood up to him and that he wanted to be my friend... we stayed great friends for a long time (until he switched schools).   He had a reputation of being the best fighter in school, so he made sure nobody messed with me from that point on.  Still, highschool was miserable inside my head.  I was incredibly envious of all the girls in my school, thinking that I should be one of them... it was torture on my mind.