Hi, im soo depressed.. i am FTM, my sister and my parents know. My sister is the best sister in the world, we are like BFF'S, i tell her everything, and she always supports me! i call here whenever i get sad or anything, but i havent even told any of my friends that i like girls.
And im in a kinda small town, and like, at junior year at highschool i was a little obsessed with beeing popular and such, so its like every1 knows who i am, and that makes it soo much harder to change things, because EVERYONE will talk. Ive always worn extremly guy cloths, i sag, and i wear a ponytail, i even had short hair at the front and i used a little wax too, but everyone always say that i look so cool, even hot and gangsta and such, even the guys, I just cutted my hair reaaaaally short, and now its impossible to see that im a girl! and im so afraid to show my "friends".. i just came home from a sunny vacation, and i presented me as guy all the time, but now when im home in my small hometown, im reeeally afraid of what people say to me when they see me, i just dont know how they will react. My nearest friends know that i got a haircut, my bestfriend loves my new haircut, but i still got ALOT of friends and people i know to show it to. How will people who know who i am, but dont hangout with me react? and btw, i just showed my actually very good GUY friend, a picture of me with short hair. At first he was like "omg why did you do that? .. your hair looked good when it was long, im just gonna think your a lesbian when i see you now"and then im like what the <not allowed>, i did it because iwas uncomfortable with the ponytail i had, and i have giving it ALOT of thought, so im really sure this is right for me. And then he was like "alright, im sorry chill! i was just kidding, it lookes great!" what does this mean? that he wants to get used to it or is he going to back off? AND ALSO, i have alot of people i talk to much and they dont even know i got a haircut, so what do i do when i see them? they are going to ble completley shocked! do i tell them over the internett first? maybe show them a picture? or do i just handle it there and then? i seriously hate this, everyone is going to come with comments like "why did you do this? you looked good before, you just look like a guy now, omg ur such a lesbian" or something like that.. WHAT DO I DO? i dont even have confidence enough to walk outside my door, like seriously..  not even to the store, im sooo afraid to meet someone who knows me, i just dont know what do say or do.... help me

I suspect it's the lack of confidence people are going to pick up on more than the lack of hair.

Honey, if the people who matter to you like it, then those who don't matter to you... well, it's not something you should be wasting your time and energy stressing about. You don't have to make excuses for the way you choose to express yourself, or justify your choices. It's your body, and hair, and you can do with it as you see fit. If people don't like it, that's their issue not yours.

So the question about what to do when people see you who don't know you had a haircut is... you do nothing. You behave as though it's the most natural thing in the world which really, it is. And if they say anything, then you just smile and tell them you felt like a change, or you were sick of long hair, you like it better this way, or... tell them whatever you want. They don't have to like it, it's your hair, not theirs.

If you want people to think it's no big deal, then you have to first think it's no big deal, you know?

Yea its true, at first i didnt think it was a big deal, cus i got used to it, but when i got home and showed it to my GUY friend, he got shocked and came with that comment "im juts gonna look at you as a lesbian now" that really pissed me off like, i dont wanna be look like as the "lesbian butch chick" .. i am SOSOSOOO afraid to begin at seinor high school.. its almost the same people from my last school, im so afraid to get bullied or get comments, and if it goes that far that it will get physically.. im gonna die, i just cant handle it. junior i had alot of friends, i didnt have a problem with anyone, i made people laugh all the time, but ofc sometimes some guys came with comments like "why are you sagging? iguess your born in the wrong body?" but i just laughed and didnt cared cuz thats just ridiculous said, anyways now when i got a really short haircut i think everyone will just see me different.. thats just so sad because im exactly the same person as i was before.. im so confused and sick of everything, when i watch FTM videos at youtube, people keep saying "things will get better!" and i believe it, but i wait and wait and do thinkgs but things never get fricking better, it get worse, im so depressed!

It says a lot about people who pass judgments on the basis of a haircut.

I can't add to anything Sephirah has said. But many woman have short hair.

Spacial is bang on, it does say a lot about people who base their opinions on something as insignificant as the way you wear your hair.

You are the same person, and the key is to just go on being the same person you always were. By the sounds of it, this has made you into someone you never were, a bundle of nerves and apprehension, terrified of "what if's". See the thing is, any sort of comment can only affect you if you let it. And that will only happen if you think there's any validity to what's being said. Since you know there isn't, and since you did it in the first place to make you feel better about yourself... why give other people the power to take that feeling away from you?

If you show people that you're no different now, in how you act, the things you do, and how you carry yourself then really, what can they say?

And in looking at those pictures, it really isn't that short. But people don't have to accept it. You did it for you, no one else. Do you really want to fit in so badly that you're willing to give up your individuality and freedom to choose how you want to be? Personally, I think it looks just fine. You aren't your hair, hon.

No i would never change myself to fit in.. im just scared thats all. I always say be yourself, and if someone dont like you for who you are, then screw them.
Thanks for your help, your absolutley right! They dont deserve all my time and energy, when i did it for myself in the firstplace

When I went to HS in the 80's, there were a few people that many just assumed to be gay or lesbian and even then, no one cared. Look at the bright side, if you look like a lesbian and you are into the girls then you are about to start having girls that have that sort of leaning want to be "friends". Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!

Quote from: JessicaH on July 06, 2011, 10:23:38 AM
Look at the bright side, if you look like a lesbian and you are into the girls then you are about to start having girls that have that sort of leaning want to be "friends". Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!

What do you mean about leaning want to be "friends"? sosry, im really bad at my english :/
Thank you, its a hard process, but i hope it gets better!

I only meant that if you appear to be lesbian then other lesbians (or bi girls wanting to experiment) will know who you are. You will probably find there are more girls that like other girls than you ever imagined.

I'd go with "My hair's short.  I like it."
Worked fine for me 

Quote from: JessicaH on July 06, 2011, 02:26:48 PM
I only meant that if you appear to be lesbian then other lesbians (or bi girls wanting to experiment) will know who you are. You will probably find there are more girls that like other girls than you ever imagined.

Ahh, well i hope so!

I'll just try too explain that i enjoy it the way it is short, and its more comfortable, hopefully they'll understand..

All things considered, it isn't THAT short...I had visions of something like a buzz cut or something. 

And yeah, you don't need to justify it to people other than perhaps to say you wanted to do something different. 

you could also say you were tired of split ends, or wanted to cut down on your shower time..
i like both hairstyles. it's often a shock for others when long hair suddenly disappears, but short hair looks good on you too. your friends will get over it

the only ones who actually care about my hair are those who think they know me, family and close friends. best non-compliment i've gotten for a new hairstyle was "．．．．．．．．．．．．髪切った　(you cut your hair)", when the guy was actually a lot more shocked by the pink-ish color. but he couldn't say that because he was just a normal friend/acquaintance. perhaps i should be glad my mom never saw that color..

Just don't lie about it.  When I got my hair cut short, even when I was telling people they were asking why, I just told them that I was sick of long hair, and that I hated it and I had to try short hair for myself.  I love my hair short.  It's grown out about an inch since I got it cut, I'm ready to go back and get it cut again. 

I got quite a few comments about it.  Some bad, like you, I got that one bad comment that freaked me out.  My mom saying "usually it's only the lesbians or transgenders that do that", but after I got it cut, she hasn't really said anything about it.  she likes to ignore the boyish things that I do. 

Regardless, If short hair makes you more comfortable with yourself, then act like it makes you more comfortable.  People ask you why, tell them, "because I could".  It's just hair, anyone that judges you on such a superficial thing isn't worth your time.  Personally, I love your short hair.

Best Luck
-Aiden

It's not as short as it sounded from your first post, so I hope things have gone ok.  Seeing you were away and it is summer over there, I'd just have told people it was hot so you got it cut.  It looks good in the photo's.

It looks comfortable and easy care, the same as a lesbian's shoes, so Happy Hunting sis!

Karen.

You don't have to explain yourself.

By the way, you look hella fly, before and after.

I chopped my hair off and I'm a transwoman! It's interesting how ciswomen make a big deal out of it, despite the fact that there are plenty of ciswomen with short hair. In fact, I see girls around town with their heads shaved, and not that infrequently. I went to a drag show with a friend the other night and her mom commented on how I need to grow my hair out long. I said that it was long and I chopped it off and wanted to go with the asymmetrical look. She looked shocked. Lol. She acted like I have to have long hair and be hyperfeminine like the drag queens we were watching in order to be a "real" woman. Oh, the irony. Most, if not all, of those drag queens are cismen. In fact, I think I recognized the one from the LGBT club on campus. If it's who I think it was, he's really cute too. It's a shame he's gay.

my parents and brother were the worst about protesting my short hair. but since i moved out no one really says anything about it.

I was about the same age when I first cut my hair short. I told some of my friends I did it for a cosplay (half-true), but others I just told them I wanted it short.
I agree with the first post, it's your confidence that's what counts. You cut your hair because you wanted to. Reasons aren't important, it's your hair, so your choice. Be proud of it. When people as why, just say "I felt like it" and shrug. If you don't make a big deal about it, they have no reason to either.

Just like everyone else has said, be confident! If you make a huge deal about it, your friends will too. The phrase "Walk in like you own the place" applies... just act like it's nothing. Sure they will ask about it, but just tell the truth and say you like it better short, act like it's no biggie and they'll be cool. Of course you will get the occasional "I liked you better with it longer", but just be confident in your new hair. If you like it, that's all that matters. Good luck