I know Ive thought about it, and through the process of coming to terms with my gender identity vs social revelation. Ive tasted the barrel of a gun. Let me clarify that it was not because I yearn to be female, but rather the fear and projection of the social ramifications associated with the process of transitioning and coming out.

That being said, we need to clarify just how prevalent this is.
How many of you (MTF and FTM) have contemplated suicide as a result of your gender identity?

I'm so opposed to any form of killing that I couldn't bring myself to taking my own life, my life like everyone else's is too precious to take even if it's not what I fully want.

I know I have an have a gun to my head too. I don't think I would have actually done it though for the simple reason that someone you care about has to find you and that has to really be hard.

I think most people when dealing with a difficult event look to suicide as an option to make an impossible situation disappear. perhaps not seriously but I believe more people look there than they lead on.

I recently decided that I needed to stop acting like a man when it comes to my mental health and got professional help .... Therapy for gid and related issues as well as getting paxil to help me deal with it all. Best thing I ever did. I am not fully out as there is no reason to add instability back into my life now but I am incredibly comfortable with what once was a secret I would have killed to keep from being discovered.

I think if you are considering suicide go get someone to talk to, preferably a therapist, and go to you doc and ask for some happy pills. If you have a headache you take a pill to treat it. This is just a different kind of headache.

I think the hardest thing is the social perception of us and our fears of how people in society will treat us and react to our disclosure. This is what kept me in the closet until age 37 and I have decided not to live in stealth after transition and to work publicly to be the change that we need in society. This is a huge leap from where I was seven months ago when the only person who ever knew was my wife.

I decided that I couldn't stand all those years holding the secret inside me and that post transition it will be really hard to keep it a secret anyways without just walking away from life, kids, my businesses, family, friends, etc. And even if I did I would always be wondering if the person I was talking to knew.

Plus I'm a pretty successful ->-bleeped-<- in my personal and professional life and I think I can be a good role model for the younger TS grappling with the same problem I wish I had Dealt with when I was a teenager.

Quote from: jillian on July 10, 2011, 12:20:12 PM
How many of you (MTF and FTM) have contemplated suicide as a result of your gender identity?

No. Not because of that.

But I have gone beyond contemplation for other reasons and were it not for a chance encounter followed by a trip to the hospital, I would not be here posting this. I have been to dark places in my mind that make hell seem like a walk in the park.

However, I am a firm believer in the notion that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And consider myself fortunate that through experiencing that, I can now better empathise with, and offer help to others who find themselves in similar situations.

I had contemplated it AND planned out how I'd do it.

I'm still here though, so it ins't going to happen thankfuly.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 10, 2011, 01:14:54 PM
No. Not because of that.

But I have gone beyond contemplation for other reasons and were it not for a chance encounter followed by a trip to the hospital, I would not be here posting this. I have been to dark places in my mind that make hell seem like a walk in the park.

However, I am a firm believer in the notion that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And consider myself fortunate that through experiencing that, I can now better empathise with, and offer help to others who find themselves in similar situations.

Ditto

Sorry, I never have considered suicide.

I've been diagnosed with all kinds of mental problems. I've taken pills of all shapes and colors to try and fix the mental problems doctors with advanced degrees all said I clearly had. Then I started to talk to a therapist. She eventually became a strong ally for me and I managed to jump over the barbed wire that was holding me into the socially acceptable range of expression denoted for the gender I was assigned. Over time it became obvious a lot of these mental problems were stems off of the difficulties I was experiencing trying to fit my mind into my body. Living against the grain had become so normal that the pain it inflicted, the suffering I was forced to endure. It all became part of what I could only understand everyone else dealt with, only better than myself. Therefore it came to pass several times I was very inclined to end it all, to toss myself over the edge and into the beyond, a great chasm of nothing. And I'm sure I would have, at some point, wasted what will now be a wonderful and full life. You are your mind. Your body is only the vessel which contains you. Trying to force yourself into the wrong shaped container is only going to give you square watermelon and round bananas.

I haven't seriously considered it, but sometimes when life is getting a bit rough, the thought would cross my mind, but I'd quickly shut it out...I'm sorry, but I think suicide is just a cowardly act, an easy way out from all your problems, when you can be strong and stand up for yourself. I also shut it out because I just couldn't do it to my family. I try to picture what life for my family would be like if I did it, and I picture them hurt and crying, and I just couldn't do that.

Mostly my adult male life was a self destructive dare devil quest to end it all, turns out I m unkillable, sorta like Wiley Coyote, I still get down sometimes but usually by the time Its really  bad i don`t have the energy to hurt myself.

I hate to admit it, but I have a .45apc (1911 style) and the reason why I bought it, right after my 21st birthday was so that i could end things. I never did actually it of course, but it does set in a locked box near my bed, a constant reminder of where things were at once upon a time.

Quote from: nickikim on July 10, 2011, 02:40:06 PM
Mostly my adult male life was a self destructive dare devil quest to end it all, turns out I m unkillable, sorta like Wiley Coyote, I still get down sometimes but usually by the time Its really  bad i don`t have the energy to hurt myself.

Like you, during my tens and early 20's I did a bunch of stuff, like being in combat, racing bikes, drinking stupid, etc., etc., and death just wuld not come for me. Later on as I inmmerse in my studies, and accepted myself, the destructive behaviour ended.

Know I belive there is always an option, suciede is not an option except for the terminally ill aand that is during the last stages.

Been there on a number of occasions but thankfully, as you can tell, I made the right decision. I'm still here and fighting every day! Saying it gets better is not the same as saying it gets easy. That's an important point to remember for people. Suicide is not an enviable situation and it is not a solution. There are much better ways, harder ways yes, but better. Hang in there!

for years I had these dark thoughts, but managed to hold them off, and at the same time repress my true self. Then after I finshed uni (which proved a good way to run from myself) they came back stronger than ever, one day I was so depressed and trapped I was just wanting not to exist any more, some part of myself realised that either I had to be me, or die. The following day I started the road to transistion, I dont find it easy, my realtionship often teeters on the edge of destruction, and is also strained with my family, but now ive let my inner self out I know that life is worth living, I know this is going to be a painful path but I can never go back to what I once was.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 10, 2011, 01:14:54 PM
No. Not because of that.

But I have gone beyond contemplation for other reasons and were it not for a chance encounter followed by a trip to the hospital, I would not be here posting this. I have been to dark places in my mind that make hell seem like a walk in the park.

However, I am a firm believer in the notion that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And consider myself fortunate that through experiencing that, I can now better empathise with, and offer help to others who find themselves in similar situations.

Same here. Did contemplate it but because of something unrelated to gender issues.

I'm bipolar, so suicidal ideation is kind of a given for me. However, I never became suicidal over GID. When I figured out what my problem was, I did something about it. As per times in the past when the thought of suicide occurred to me, I always tell myself this, which gets me through: "Tomorrow might be the day everything turns around. If I end it now, I might never know how good it could have been."

Before transition i had a lot of suicidal thoughts, but never acted on them, even if i wanted many time.

Once i de-transitioned i tried to slit my wrist twice, but today i transitioned again and there is no way i'll go back.

I do contemplate rather often for a variety of reasons and I have attempted a few times... Sometimes I think I think about it too much 

For a period of about 3-4 years I was prone to suicidal tendencies, for numerous reasons. Sometimes it was gender identity issues, other times life itself, general heavy depression, etc. Fortunately I was always too scared to do it, and have grown for it since. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and nearly landed in the ER a little over 2 years ago before I really started to change my life in a direction that has led me to where I am today. Life still has it's ups and downs lately, but it's not to where I can't handle it now, and with the last two counselors I have had I have been able to work out many problems and come up with healthy coping mechanisms and strategies for issues as they arise in my life. Now I've been able to do and experience things that show me the good side of life that I would never have had a chance to had I harmed myself.

Been there. But medications have helped me a lot. I don't think about it anymore. And now, that I'm actively working towards my transition, I'm happier than ever!