So....i talked to a guy that I'm friends with today.  We caught up because we hadn't talked in a few years.  i thought I had told him about my dressing but I guess I hadn't.  Ooops. 
He just got his masters to become a psychotherapist. 

We chatted a bit and here's a few things he had to say.  Of course I argued that my transgender feelings could very well be a fetish (autogynephelia).  he disagreed.

in all seriousness.... do you see a therapist?   i suspect this might be more than crossdressing but a desire to be a
woman... which is cool... but something you might want to talk about with someone

you said "unfortunately" you were masculine
you think of yourself as a woman when getting fu**ed
you talk about pleasing your t**s and pu**y
you shave your legs smooth
and wish you could dress like a woman in public
and want to start wearing panties full time

i'm a therapist.. i'm trained to listen and interpret... i'm just saying it
sounds a little more than crossdressing to me.  I want you to be happy
that's all.

of course it's sexual for you... most people feel more sexual when they're comfortable in their own skin... most transgendered men dont like their
penises (or more accurately wouldn't cry if they lost their penis) .... so u feeling more sexualized as a woman makes sense

a fetish would be strictly getting turned on by wearing women's clothing during a sexual act...

keeping legs smooth, electrolysis for facial hair, wanting to wear panties full time... wishing u were feminine.... not caring about ur penis... thinking of yourself as a woman and calling ur parts pu**y... goes beyond fetishism.... just
saying

lots of reasons why people dont transition...  doesn't mean they aren't transgendered.

I guess I'm wondering what you all think?  My therapist hasn't nearly been this "forward" with me.  We have talked about my trans thoughts but they're never at the forefront of my issues.  I have too many others.  And, again, my trans issues are ALWAYS sexual.  So it's very, very frustratingly confusing to me...  

ANY advice would be appreciated...

First off - that's one awesome friend you have there. Not many of us have someone who's not only okay with transition, but is able to understand it better than the average person - I'd love to have a friend like that

Second - he has a point. From the opposite extreme; it took me a long time to figure out why sex with men felt wrong. I've also been thoroughly confused for much of my life, and have only recently come to realise my body needs fixing. It's taken me another year to realise that it's okay to be physically transsexual, but still hover about the middle of the gender spectrum inside.

Sex is a means of expression. We express our feelings for our partner (whatever they may be), it's an outlet for our own. It may be the way your confusion/conflict is manifesting itself, and if that's the only time you thought about being female, you may have been onto something. But if, like your friend says, you're doing other things like shaving your legs, zapping your facial hair etc., then yeah, it sounds like you need to see someone you can talk this over with. If you can't bring this up with your current therapist, find someone you can.

Hmmm well let me tell you how i knew i was wrong about who i am  So i went to therapy for a while and before i knew it was Halloween which meant 1 thing Heels skirts etc it was is my be a girl for a day without fear day now my therapist knew i wanted to be a girl but wanted a good test so he said this Halloween go as who your so i did and it was sooooooo much fun but anyways when i saw him again we talked and i told him it simply isnt enough i dont feel like me when just cross dressing and he said good that means we can finally begin to make you. Now i may be young but i know that if you know your a X and not a Y well then go for it because the sooner you deny it or dont think about it the harder it will be for you to be you dont you think  well thats just my little bit off advice to try help you

Clearly you got to go and see a gender therapist --- and that for some time!

Standards of care asks for 1 year (basically) plus all the other stuff, a bit early to go into here.
Just to mention the 1 year RLE (Real Life Experience) ALWAY being dressed and living like a female, hello?

Easy to say "I don't want my penis" --- once getting wheeled into the OR, it might just feel a bit *very* different. Then all may become just too real for playing the gender game, then the jig up!

What I read is not easy to filter through for me in your post. That you are confused is natural in the situation you presently in --- but with more insight that confusion too may change to more clarity.

NO WAY can or should you self-therapy yourself - just by doing some posting and getting various answers.

SEE A THERAPIST and don't be in a rush missing some of the steps in this road you may be on or maybe not.

Greetings,
Axelle

Thanks for your responses.  I'm seeing a gender therapist...but I also have a whole bunch of other things that I'm talking to him about as well.
I guess I just wish this were easier.  It's something that "only" comes up when I'm dating or wanting to be sexual.  I mean...again...i guess I don't know if that's enough to transition.  And, if it's not, what the hell do I do about it to be happy?

Sweetie If you believe you are a girl that = you can be one dont worry i mean if you feel that hows you are meant to be then well be a girl simple dont over think life be you or dont its really just about sitting in silence and just thinking about it for a good while to know 100%

Well, I guess we will see what happens.  I have therapy tonight.

good luck

Sounded a bit perverse to me with him going on about panties!

Leave her be you goof ball Naturally blonde  not everyone is perfect