Quote from: Princess of Hearts on July 07, 2011, 07:36:18 PMI knew I was different from the other boys, I used to look over at the girls whistfully and want to hang about with them, and to be one of them.   At the time I couldn't explain why I felt like that.  I had never heard of transsexuality or ->-bleeped-<- so I just thought that I was weird in some way.

You just reminded me of myself so much!

  It is nice to hear from you "popular boys".  I went to my class' website and found a lot of the "head boys" and others like this with no info of their current status or is deceased, I saw one of them in an obit about 20 years ago during the first AIDS epidemic.  All of the "head girls" reported successes, one of them is one the organizers of this 40th reunion later this month.  But alas, I may not attend that reunion because of a previous commitment out of state for that weekend.   Plus a lot af bad memories, even though people change in the 40 years!
  Joelene

Quote from: RhinoP on July 06, 2011, 01:56:37 AM
I think this is a very important question because I'm sure all of us here have had on and off doubts about wether or not a lack of confidence in a male role may lead to the want for a female role.

Quite simply, I would define a "popular boy" as someone who, during some period of their middle to high school education, was the type of guy that all the guys looked up to, that all the girls wanted to have sex with, the type of guy who constantly was at parties or just was surrounded by great attitudes and admiration (because that's no "in the movies" concept, most straight guys that I went to school with applied to this lifestyle.) Was anyone here that type of popular male?

And I do not strictly mean that in a jock, football player sense, you could have been popular in an alternative sense, in a druggie sense, in a rock band sense, in a stylish sense, popularity meaning if you always had supportive friends in a male role that truly fueled your ego and weren't just friends you tolerated because you were desperate or confused. Were you ever the leader, the cool kid that everyone wanted to tell a joke to or ask how the summer went? Did people naturally admire you?

Just curious!

No, I was and still am, a loner.

I had a few friends but mostly i was unpopular.

if there was someone populair, it wasn't absolutely not me.
I was a softy, so the other boys could prove how tough they were by beating me, I was a very easy victim.
In puberty all the boys get hair, legs chest, except me, so the girls didn't like me either.They liked the manly guys.
At the end it was a big advantage, no hair removing but at my time at school it was a dramatic thing.

I became more populair as a girl
Annette

I was kind of a loner. Kids tried to bully me in middle school but I fought back and they left me alone. Still a loner.

Popular? Nope, not at all. I had one or two (male) friends and was pretty much ignored by everyone else. I never made trouble, kept a low profile. Not into sports at all. Always one of the last to be chosen during gym classes for whatever game the teacher chose to play (often softball). In retrospect I think, to put it in computer terms, I had this constant "background process" using/blocking "mental resources". I became somewhat accustomed to feeling a constant low level of miserable all the time. I wasn't really part of any group.

In my mind puberty (the wrong one) and middle/high school are more or less linked, and I don't have to tell anyone here what going through the wrong kind of puberty feels like.

Quote from: HitOrMiss. on July 06, 2011, 11:03:50 PM
I am sure many people here share my feelings of anger regarding the loss of a meaningful childhood. Whenever I think about it I can't help but come to tears.

Ditto on that. My feeling is that growing up in a male body has, for lack of a better description, "irreparably damaged" me in terms of social interaction with other people, self respect, etc. These days I get along adequately, but not much more than that. I will never be the life of the party.

The other day my father said something interesting. He said something along the lines of: "when you were young you were this happy outgoing child. Then around the age of 7 or 8 the sparkle in your eyes went out". I never realizes this, but I can tell you what caused it.....

the next thing is, i pretty much hated every day of school because i had zero self-esteem and felt like i wasn't worth anything. i managed to get really good grades between 4th and 6th grade. my mom pretty much intimidated me, so i really stressed out over making sure i did all my homework and making sure i could get a 90 or above on every test. it wasn't easy to also have asperger's, expressive receptive language disorder, and then a mathematics disorder. none of those were diagnosed until i was 17. it was just so convenient *sarcasm.* anyway, i hated school. people blamed me for stuff that wasn't my fault, i had zero self esteem, zero self confidence, lots of anxiety, and then nothing to show for it. no one did anything for me. transitioning really brought my self esteem and self confidence to life, which makes me feel like i can actually do things now.

Quote from: annette on July 11, 2011, 01:20:35 AM


I became more populair as a girl

I was never popular as a boy, always a victim by bullies, school was the worse time of my life, when I left school I started my transition, I became more popular as a girl, specially with guys. I was a total failure as a boy, I became more successful as a girl / woman.

I am considered an "emo cute boy" people generally keep their distance because i have a knife at all times But simple thing is it allows me to live my life in secrecy OH but i used to be the popular jockey boy until the only sports offered were gender split then i quit being that kinda of person.

Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on July 12, 2011, 02:43:42 PM
I am considered an "emo cute boy" people generally keep their distance because i have a knife at all times But simple thing is it allows me to live my life in secrecy OH but i used to be the popular jockey boy until the only sports offered were gender split then i quit being that kinda of person.

i just did one year of t-ball. it was when i was only 6. i sucked at it, but i only joined it because the neighbors daughter was also going to be in it, and i liked playing with her. i couldn't hit the broadside of a barn, and it's pretty much the same now.

Oh definitely not popular. I suppose I was more likeable than I thought at the time, but I was pretty convinced by highschool that I was broken, and I sort of pushed people away. I always had a few friends, and I definitely wasn't bullied; at least, no more than a couple of little things that happened; but I wasnt on top by any measure.

I think this is just a sign of the times, but in my high school, there were plenty of open gays and even semi-crossdressers. If they were physically attractive, everyone loved them; they'd become the life of the party. If they were ugly, they were automatically labeled a freak or a loser. Just like the celebrity world, people in my highschool had more personality freedom the more attractive and popular they were; hardly of the any "all gays/trans are freaks" mindsets applied. My generation grew up with freaks on the TV (everyone my age loves Marilyn Manson and Jeffree Star), so the stigma tends to be pushed aside onto a divide that's honestly more frequent in my generation; the divide between being attractive and quite ugly.

And I'm quite ugly, so needless to say, no one ever admired my transition or personality in the way that they did for the more attractive souls of my high school, and I can count how many friends I had on one hand. I never was anti-social or negative, I just could not make friends because everytime I tried, either a boy or a girl would ask "What's wrong with your face?" - I'd say I got asked that by random strangers in school well over 100 times. It really got to me after awhile. I was very strange looking in the face both for a male or female role, I really couldn't 'break through' anywhere, though I tried many things.

And in that position, really the last groups a person tends to get along with are the "nerds" or the "marching band/academic" folks, but I just had way different interests than all the computer/video game "nerds" (I was always a film/art freak myself, very few of those in my school), and the academic folks really just never seemed to have a good grasp on the problems that really happen in the world to take the time to get to know who I am. Some of those folks, though mature and nice, could hear the words "Oh, I was raped by my father a couple years back." and run for the hills.

In the end, my life hasn't improved one bit, I'm still ugly as crap and I haven't been in a relationship or sexual encounter for over 5 years (probably a world record for any teenager in the 21st century) despite how social I try to be, and it really takes it's toll.

I only became "popular" at my 25th year class reunion when my classmates realized who I used to be

I was not popular at all; most of my friends were the other outcasts that no one else was friends with. I was physically short for my age so sports was out (and i threw like a girl anyway LOL....). I was also quite shy and didn't have a clue what to do with girls so there was no success there either. I was  bigender even back then (although i didn't know it at the time) and that just made me weird and a target for abuse from other boys. I managed to avoid most fights and to stay out of trouble but there was a lot of verbal abuse. I did happen to drive a cool car and i met a few friends that way and spent many friday/saturday nights just cruising around by myself in it. I was smart but an apathetic student; i could not see the point in it. I hated the things that other boys did but did them to try to "man up".

I hated school - it was a lonely, hateful place full of social angst and it held absolutely no appeal for me.

i would say yes i was one of the more popular kids in school i wouldnt go as far to say i was the one guys wanted to be and girls wanted to be with i was more of the one everyone went to for help in everyday life to school work or help study for a test at the same time i was the guy everyone went to find out all the gossip and where the parties were at the person if you needed a shoulder to cry came to me if you needed a bag of weed i knew where it was if you were throwing a party and had no one to buy booze i had the buyer. i was friends with basically everyone jocks goths geeks nerds prepps sluts what ever you wanna lable them as. however thru all that is was around this time that i started to think i wasnt meant to be a guy ppl were telling me i had a girlie figure girlie hand writing and even tho i worn "male" cloths i still had the female figure and was even confused as a girl by ppl that really didnt know me or the new kids in school i was never confused as being gay or anything like that

Quote from: Herwinteress on July 06, 2011, 08:38:30 AM
I was dying inside on a daily basis due to at times pretty severe GID after puberty hit, but looking back it was my full bore Oscar-worthy performance of regularly being the fun happy-go-lucky guy next door that people didn't seem to mind hanging out with me. I was smart enough to keep my real feelings hidden and know when to play the roles. 

As far as the girls...I never had confidence as a male to bed the girls.  My personality was always enough to get them interested, but after a few dates they got the hint pretty quick I wasn't the regular dude they were hoping for and it ALWAYS fizzled.  I just couldn't perform and male instincts (intimacy) didn't come naturally to me. I was always criticized for being too passive and letting them take the lead. Often left me embarrassed. God knows what they talked about me with their friends after a night of disappointing teenage unfulfillment.  Come to think of it, scoring with girls is probably the one place I never could mask my true self.  I was just too young and sexually confused to learn how to fake it/get through it as I would do in my mid-20s.

Tried as I might to get amped up about a big date and 'afterwards' with a girl to brag to my buddies, my burgeoning attraction to guys was playing havoc with me every time.  I used to hate myself and feel so guilty about that.  Now I embrace it.

I can certainly relate to this. Sounds a lot like me back in the day. I was clueless what to do with other women. I was very passive, and despite my tough guy appearance, they soon found out that I wasn't what I appeared to be.

I was very reclusive when I hit puberty. I didn't like the way things were changing with my body, and the boys and the girls really separated apart at that time. No girls wanted to hang out with me after that, and I didn't fit in with the boys. While other people hung out with their friends, I spent most of my time pecking away at my Commodore 64.

It wasn't until my senior year that I started hanging out with all the other outcasts, the punks, the goths, the metal heads. After that, I just pretty much killed all the pain for a while with alcohol and drugs.

In regards to the OP's statement about lack of confidence in a "male" role leading to the want for a "female" role, that's certainly not the case for me. I've never felt male. It doesn't have anything to do lack of comfort with a stereotypical male role. I became very good at taking on the typical "male" role in my late 20's.  So if a lack of comfort before was the driving factor in my gender dysphoria, you would think it would have resolved itself once I became skilled at living that role. In fact, the dysphoria only got worse.

Popular.  No.  Except for the geeks and misfits.  Most of the girls viewed me as a gal pal.  They would talk to me about everything girls talk about.  Boyfriends, periods, other girls and dress.  It was interesting.  I had many BFFs who were girls.

But then again they may have felt safe around me.  Not to say I wasn't interested in a couple of them. 

The jocks viewed me as a target.  Learn really quick to keep things real close.  Still hard to be close to anyone.

Quote from: Irish Janet on July 16, 2011, 11:56:44 PM
Popular.  No.  Except for the geeks and misfits.  Most of the girls viewed me as a gal pal.  They would talk to me about everything girls talk about.  Boyfriends, periods, other girls and dress.  It was interesting.  I had many BFFs who were girls.

But then again they may have felt safe around me.  Not to say I wasn't interested in a couple of them. 

The jocks viewed me as a target.  Learn really quick to keep things real close.  Still hard to be close to anyone.

I could have written most of that!  Right down to the fact that I went to prom with one of my friends as my "date."  We went with another "couple" who were also just friends of ours.  None of the four of us were dating any of the others, we just did it so we didn't have to feel alone.  To this day, my friend tells me she asked me to do that because I was safe and she knew I wouldn't pull anything.  Mind you, that was 16 years ago and I didn't come out to my friend as trans until this past March.

I was very popular in grade school, known by all; as all my friends were in middle school and was very popular the highschool. The funny thing is that except for not having a girl's name or dressing up as a girl; I acted completely as I was, people even emulated my clothing choice often as I was a goddess at androgynous fashion. I did not project myself and at times would try to go under radar, but every one knew me and told me how pretty my hair/face and cute/handsome i dressed if they hadn't seen me in a while.

. In middle school and early high school I had to beat quirky girls off me with a bat, and in later highschool I had to beat back both genders at times..... I was like a poorly written anime character as I even was pretty repulsed by sexual organs and touchy feely in general.

I'm still very good friends with my highschool/middle school crowd. Kids not brainwashed by bigoted adults are very accepting as long as you are attractive, and studies with toddlers and babies has shown this over the years.

Adults either loved me or treated me like a landmine that they didn't know what to do with and that really disturbed me. I only ever hid my true inner self from my homophobic parents.