The price in question isn't financial but emotional, this is the price I was willing to pay:

I ended an 8yr relationship
After a rocky few months me & my ex are good friends, she's an amazing woman

I was willing to lose my friends & family
Things have been strained between me & my family but even though they don't understand my need for this they are standing by me, my friends have been great (with one exception, not bad going)

I was willing to lose my job
to be honest it's a terrible job with terrible bosses & even worse pay so it wouldn't have been much of a hardship if I lost this job, unfortunately I didn't 

That is what I was willing to lose, even though I didn't lose any of that I feel as if i've turned my life upside down & inside out.

Now to get to the real price, since leaving my ex i've had to find a flat, the cheapest I could find is bankrupting me & I may have to find a small studio flat to make ends meet, the trouble with this is that if I get a smaller/cheaper place then I won't be able to keep my dog.

I first saw him at my brothers wedding & he wouldn't let me go near him without barking constantly (he barked all the way through the speeches because I tried to stroke him), later in the day I took him for a walk & by the end of it he wouldn't leave my side, when we left my brothers pub I got in my mums car & he put his front paws on the window & walked along with the car as it reversed whimpering all the way.
2 weeks later my brother let me have him & we've been together for over 4 years now, he shares my bed, my food & makes life worth living.
I spent a couple of thousand pounds on vets bills whilst everyone kept saying I should save the money & have him put down but now, thanks to regular injections he's extremely healthy.

I don't know how I can avoid losing him, my flat is the cheapest I could find that would let me have a dog & i've spent the last few months looking for a part time job with no luck, a woman at work was considering a house share with me but she pulled out a couple of weeks ago so i'm back to square one, unable to make ends meet & facing losing my beloved dog.

So there you go, i've told you what I was willing to lose & what i'm going to have to lose so I ask you all this question:

What price are you willing to pay to transition?

Never would have accepted losing my kids in the equation.  Never.

Friends I could accept.  Certain family members I could accept.

Never would have transitioned if I knew what happened at work would have happened.  I would have waited a few more years to retire.

At the time I was seriously considering transitioning, I was pretty dysphoric.  My plan was to wait until I reached retirement age then consider transitioning.  Looking back I feel being on HRT was a major factor in my dysphoria.  I know that flies in the face of how many of us have described the day we finally begin HRT but it's after that euphoria wears off that things do a 180.  Instead of having birth sex hormones coursing through your body, in line with birth gender, you end up with an internal battle - opposite sex hormones influencing your thoughts, making physical changes and fooling with Mother Nature.  It turns into a cauldron of conflict that increased my gender dysphoria. 

What price am I willing to pay?  That's a very different thing than the price I actually paid.  For many of us, there isn't a clear cut win in deciding how we will live our life.

I'm going to be divorced. Compared to that, all other prices seem less important.

That's a question I have very much been thinking about. It would be nice if you could just plug all the information into a computer and calculate all the costs. I have no doubt in my mind that I want/need to transition. My only doubt is will the price be too high? NOT transitioning has a price too especially if you have been on HRT for a while and have to go off and let the male hormones take back control. I don't know if I'd be suicidal but I'd just be running down the clock and just living day to day watching the years slip by. Alive but not living.

I'd probably make everyone miserable and I'd end up alone anyways. At least with transition, there is a chance to be alive and maybe the losses wont be as bad as you thought. I plan to loose almost everything including wife, 80k/year job, house. The only thing I couldnt accept would be loosing my daughters. I know it will be difficult for them but I think they will adapt. I just hope my wife doesnt turn bitter and try to poison them toward me. I'd never forgive her for that.

My las experience with a dog, is similar in some respects, but very different in others. I'll share it if it might help.

Briefly. The animal was owned by a rather unplesant man I knew, but associated with for other reasons. He continually beat the little thing, not because it had done anything wrong, but simply because it was the only thing he could hurt and get away with it. The dog, when I met him was so nervous, it vibrated, continuously.

I managed to take the dog, when in a fit of temper, this guy said he was sick of the sight of it.

I lived in a single room in somone's house. I couldn't even have visitors, let alone a dog. But I managed to get someone to take it for a few nights, while I found somewhere else. Over the next couple of years, this became a bit of a habit. I would find people who would take him for periods, ranging from a few weeks to a few months, but always, I had to find somewhere else. I should say that all of the people he lived with were kind and decent people. Sadly, this wasn't the prettiest dog in the world. He was certainly no trophy, especially for the fashion conscious.

I visited the dog regularly. I trained him to follow commands. He quickly became devoted to me. He seemed to try to work out what I wanted and would follow almost any command. He would walk along a raod, no matter how busy, at my heals, without a lead, for example and stop when I said. But more than anything, and this is where he was so similar to your dog, he was utterly devoted to me. He would look so sad whenever I went away.

Anyway, I had to go to Europe for a while. While away, he was staying with some people who had had a baby. Apparently the dog let out a short growel when the baby was being attended to.

When I returned, the dog was gon. I completely understood. The baby comes first of course. But they wouldn't tell me where it had gone. They claimed he was on a farm, but wouldn't say where. (Usually, you tell kids that their favourite pet has gone to a farm).

I suspect, they took him to the countryside and left him there. If I could have done, I would have taken him to a vet myself and had him put down.

I will say this. I would rather have sat with him, holding him while he died, than to know that he probably died alone and frightened in some country wood, with a 12 bore bullet in his rump.

I'm really sorry to have to say this, but take him to a vet and sit with him while he dies.

i am willing to lose my mother, but that really isnt a problem for me seeing as we dont get along anyway.
i was willing to lose my friends, but i didnt lose them they all still love me. i am willing to lose a lot at school seeing as it is my senior year.

Quote from: spacial on July 12, 2011, 12:26:02 PM
I completely understood.

I wouldn't. They accepted responsibility for his care. I doubt the 'baby danger' story (he growled once when the baby was being attended to, wtf? anyway, sounds more like a convenient excuse) and even if that was the case, there were a million other things they could have done. At the very least, they should have had the decency to be honest with you, an adult, about what happened. You know, if this had been property they'd agreed to store (a car, boat, etc), they'd have felt obligated to come up with a better explanation. If they weren't prepared to take care of him, they never should have taken him.
Very sorry for your loss, Spacial. 

Quote from: Forum Admin on July 12, 2011, 12:57:30 PM
I wouldn't. They accepted responsibility for his care. I doubt the 'baby danger' story (he growled once when the baby was being attended to, wtf? anyway, sounds more like a convenient excuse) and even if that was the case, there were a million other things they could have done. At the very least, they should have had the decency to be honest with you, an adult, about what happened. You know, if this had been property they'd agreed to store (a car, boat, etc), they'd have felt obligated to come up with a better explanation. If they weren't prepared to take care of him, they never should have taken him.
Very sorry for your loss, Spacial. 

Thank you for your wishes.

To be honest, I never believed it either, especially the bit about the farm. (Or perhaps because of it). But I had little choice really.

Howver, that was a done deal, (as they say in the states). In a similar situation I would have accepted that I could never place that dog and had it professionally put down.

I've heard of people who choose to live on the streets rather than give up a dog. I can understand that. but it just isn't practical.

I know that dog deserved better. He would have done the same for me. (As silly as that comparison is, it is likely to be near the truth).

If I could have stayed with him, while he died, at least he wouldn't have suffered. Living on the street for the sake of the dog is just silly. For both.

When I posted this topic I was in a bit of a miserable mood as you may have guessed, i'm still in a bad place right now as I watch my life spiral down a drain but at least the downward spiral is slower now, before I came out my depression over my need to transition was entering the dangerous red zone (i've been there before & recognised it enough to head it off at the pass). At least now i've told people & started the ball rolling i'm able to snap myself out of my depression with the hope of eventually being happy with who I am.

Today I got home to find a court summons for unpaid council tax, my mother had promised to pay it until I found a cheaper place or a part time job but she obviously hasn't been doing this & maybe I am losing my mother in spite of her promises not to let this come between us, she's lent my brother ten thousand pounds for his pub which then got firebombed so she's rode to his rescue with more money whilst my life goes down the pan.

After a cry about the state of things I phoned my ex, i'm going to see her on friday & discuss the possibility of her taking the dog, she's told me in the past that if I get any problems then she will be happy to look after him so at least i'll know that he is in a good home with someone who will give him all the love & attention he needs & deserves, i'll also be able to visit him whenever I want but that may prove too painfull at first.

I've heard it said that to truly change your life you have to reach rock bottom first, maybe thats what i'm going through right now, I hope i'm close to rock bottom as I dont know how much more of my life I can stand to see fall apart before my eyes.
I'm walking through the fire & the flames & when I reach the other side I hope to be reborn from the ashes like a pheonix, as long as I have hope I will continue through this turbulent storm that is my life.

Best wishes to you all, may your price be small & easily paid

Good to hear therte are prospects for the care of your dog.

As for your mother, suggest you walk away. There is no need to tell you what the consequences of court summons for unpayment mean. To let you down that way, especially after promising you then giving it to a pub, was a kinda obvious slap in the face.

Take care Jane.

Some family I'm willing to give up. My stepdad once told me I would go to hell when I told him about this girl I liked. I'm completely willing to make myself despised to two of my grandmothers, both of whom really despise what I've done so far. One of my sisters thinks I'm weird as hell, and I'm okay with her refusing to associate with me. All my other brothers and sisters, I am not willing to lose. I think I could deal with it, it would just be hard.

I'm willing to give up friends. One friend of mine got mad at me over something completely unrelated -- I was annoyed with her when we were studying and asked her to say "please" -- it ended up in a (instant message) fight where she threatened to beat me up with several gender-based insults. We have since made up, and she's extremely good about it now (called me "he" to our teacher). But I'm completely willing to lose friendships. I don't have many, but I have lost a friend over this before. It hurt, but I realized she wasn't worth it.

I'm... not really sure if I'm willing to give up my boyfriend. I've freaked out that testosterone (and mastectomy, if necessary) will make me unattractive to him, as I'm the first guy he's ever dated, and he's primarily attracted to women. He's said he won't, but I've still got worries. I suppose if it came down to it, I could deal with losing him. (Although my best friend would be obnoxious about it and use my crush on him to pick on me endlessly... totally willing to go through that XD)

I'm willing to put up with ->-bleeped-<- from the school, though I seriously doubt it'd come. Only one person out of the entire school picks on me, and pretty much all of them know about me, or have heard rumors. The teachers can kiss my ass, I'm telling them to call me Christopher next year. I don't care about social problems from transitioning.

Homelessness, I don't think I could do that. Dangerous.  I think I can get to the point where it won't be a problem.

Quote from: spacial on July 14, 2011, 03:44:00 AM
Good to hear therte are prospects for the care of your dog.

As for your mother, suggest you walk away. There is no need to tell you what the consequences of court summons for unpayment mean. To let you down that way, especially after promising you then giving it to a pub, was a kinda obvious slap in the face.

Take care Jane.

When I first told my ex about wanting to transition she was suprisingly supportive, on the first chat we had we ended up comparing men that we find attractive (fortunately our tastes in men are different), she's already said that she would be willing to take care of the dog if my treatment made caring for him difficult in any way, she also said that if I experienced difficulties then I could use her spare room, I don't know if that offer still stands but I will be discussing it when I see her so if the offer is still open then I may be moving back with her.

My mother has always been great in the past but she's finding my news difficult to come to terms with, she avoids the subject as much as possible & seems uncomfortable around me at the moment.
My mum is quite a controlling woman, soon after I broke my news she offered to pay for extensive dental treatment, i'm becoming convinced that she is under the impression that this will boost my self esteem enough for me to decide against this course of action & become "normal". She hasn't said anything to back this up but I know her well enough to know how she thinks, i've got the appointment in about an hour & the estimate is 180 quid, you may be suprised to hear that i'm going to be stuck paying that bill now.

Over the last few years my family has dwindled through deaths & arguments & all I have left now is my mother, brother & an auntie, i'd hate to lose them so will hang in there in spite of these problems, i'm sure that she will come around once she sees how happy this decision has made me, I havn't let her see me wearing womens clothes or make-up as i feel it would be too much too soon, when that day comes it could prove to be a make or break situation so i'm going to wait as long as possible for that day in the hope that she will have accepted it by then.

independent of the question do we have a choice in transition or not?

We can decide to not transition because of the big cost, but the other choice is alcohol drug self harm and suicide.

Has anyone ever asked those who threaten, condemn or judge if they would be willing to live the life YOU want THEM to live?

I was willing to pay any or all.  Life before transition wasn't life, it was a conditioned response to years of brainwashing by society that i should be what i looked like on the outside and repress everything else.  It was part in a play, the character played was fictional.  So i was willing to risk it all for a chance at life (real life).  I wanted to know what it was like to live before i died, and i would risk anything and everything to do it.  If i had children i might have thought differently, but since i didn't the choice was easy to make.

So family, friends, career, and even my own life, i was willing to risk and knew i would be risking in doing this when i started.  Luckily things turned out well.  I have doubled my friends (some left, more joined), i have kept most of my family, i actually am doing better career wise, and have even picked up a relationship leading to marriage.  Amazing what you can accomplish when you stop fighting yourself and truly live instead of pretending to.

        I am willing to lose my friends.  They aren't close anyway.  I may lose my job.  No great loss except the income is decent.  I will lose my SO.  She is not a lesbian.  But she would stay as a friend (one for my side).  I may lose my daughters and sisters.  None are close to me.  I may lose my son and mother.  My mother may be okay withouot understanding.  My son though will have to adapt and accept me, I hope.  I did raise him so we are close.  But not too close.
I may lose my more but not sure what they are yet.

Quote from: Julie Marie on July 14, 2011, 03:10:31 PM
Has anyone ever asked those who threaten, condemn or judge if they would be willing to live the life YOU want THEM to live?

Yes, i've asked someone what gives them the right to tell me what I can or can't do with my life & body, I also asked them that if they have the right to judge me then do I have the right to judge them & tell them how to live their life

I had my dentist appointment yesterday & the bill was 192 pounds, when it came time to pay I thought to hell with it & phoned my mum & told her that I needed her to pay the bill as I couldn't afford it, she didn't sound too happy with the cost but as she had insisted that she would pay for it I held her to it.
At the end of the day the treatment wasn't urgent & I was planning to put it off until my financial situation improved, she's already caused me serious financial problems with a promise she didn't stick to so I put her on the spot about it.

She also mentioned that my brother who she lent a massive amount of money to didn't have sufficiant insurance for his pub so she isn't going to get her money back & is now going to alter her will so that he gets less inheritance, it doesn't change the fact that she keeps bailing him out whilst I sink but it made me feel a bit better that he will pay it back one way or another

Quote from: Jane on July 12, 2011, 08:20:16 AM
What price are you willing to pay to transition?

It cost me my parents, my sister, all of my friends, my home town, my childhood, and every cent I had. Was it worth it? Yes. That was 37 years ago.

Quote from: yabby on July 14, 2011, 01:30:33 PM
independent of the question do we have a choice in transition or not?

We can decide to not transition because of the big cost, but the other choice is alcohol drug self harm and suicide.

From the time I realised that a war was going on between my head & my body I chose denial & misery, this then led to almost 20 yrs of smoking drugs that I only gave up once my lungs were so messed up that I would use 1 inhaler a week, I would also wake up for work & cough until I made myself sick. I'm in no doubt that i've taken years off of my life for this.

In answer to your question, yes we do have a choice to transition or not but to choose not to can prove to be a very self destructive path