Fruitcake. ::takes deep breath::
Okay. I used to believe that fruitcake was not actually food, but the rejects from a brick factory. I considered it a Christmas tradition right up there with that hideous Paul McCartney song, you know the one I mean. It was, perhaps, the inspiration for a certain dessert-related meme from a recent videogame involving portals.
And then, my roommate made fruitcake. I was skeptical at first. The ingredients were rum, fruit, awesomeness, rum, and... I think there may have been some rum in it too.
I have seen the light. Fruitcake is an incredible transcendent experience. Also, rum!
That stuff in cardboard boxes that people give as gifts? Make no attempt to eat it. It is not cake. It's 150 years old. It contains no rum. Politely accept the gift, and if you don't need to build a levee or something in the next year, dust it off, put a fresh tag on it, and return it to the person.
In conclusion, rum.