To the best of my knowledge, I have never been read. I've been outed on three occasions accidently, but since going stealth last August I have never had a missed pronoun, a problem in a dressing room, a weird look or anything else.

QuoteI would anyday rather be an ugly girl that never gets noticed, than to be a gorgeous transsexual that lives "stealth" and passes the suspicion test for validation.

I don't understand. What's wrong with feeling validation in always passing? This is a verification of the success in the gender role.

Bri

Quote from: Kristi on February 19, 2007, 10:28:01 AM
I love to look at your avatar and wish I could look as good as you do.

  Kristi, you're joking, right?  I think your self perception needs a little work.

Melissa

Quote from: passiflora on February 19, 2007, 09:42:10 AM
Actually, just by this statment, any of us would have already been read from the very begining. If we are going to TG, or TS freindly places, then that means the people there are used to seeing TS's or what not. Also just the fact that a guy might "confirm" with our friends, or his freinds that we were "a woman" is further eveidence that he was already turned on towards suspicion to any woman that he meets that night, so he knew that TS's would probbly be there that night. Just becuase we might win a "suspicion" game, doesn't mean that we should assume that we won a "stealth" game

Actually, the way I see it is if the guy is already expecting to run into TGs and still reads you as a woman, that's an even better validation because he's looking for you to be TG but hasn't found any evidence.  And he already knew Sandy was TG so that would further create suspicions I was too.  And still he saw me as a woman.  I'll take that over passing someplace they aren't looking for me to be TG.

Julie

Quote from: Kristi on February 19, 2007, 10:28:01 AM
Julie,

So sorry that happened to you.  As has been said, no way to know if your perceptions were right or not.  But let's say they were.  OK, have a good cry and if you need a good shoulder, here's mine.


Now that being said, please know that you are one of my favorite people on here.  I love to look at your avatar and wish I could look as good as you do.  You're gorgeous, girl!  I would suspect that may have been what drew the stare.

Peace,
Kristi

That's very sweet of you Kristi but I've got nothing on you.  You are a doll!

Julie

QuoteAnd still he saw me as a woman

But course he did, becuase thats what you are and thats what you look like. Which was the only point I was trying to make is that ultimatly we should'nt need this type of validation, that we will jut be.

I was also just trying to let you know, that your being read probbally had nothing to do with your look or appearance, that in certain places and situations we can all be read by default, which is why a lot of us slowly start moving away from places like that and we change our lifestyles and stuff so that we are not in those situations. And I was also just trying to make a point of oppion that eventually in our lives, the ultimate validation is when we no longer have to have validation of our gender, when its not even a second thought, and when the insecurities of there even being a second thought or a sense of suspicion are gone.

-pass- 

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 19, 2007, 11:50:07 AM
That's very sweet of you Kristi but I've got nothing on you.  You are a doll!
Julie

Well the kindness is much appreciated, both Julie and Melissa. 

Let me put ito words what I've been working on.  I have come to believe that the most important part of validation is that we first validate ourselves.  If we are looking for anything external to do it for us, we are bound for failure.  There is always someone who will not like what we are, and it may have nothing at all to do with TG issues.  However, when we are able to look into the mirror and validate ourselves, there comes a confidence which will necessarily filter down to every other aspect of our being.  This inner strength and beauty will be what is noticed by those around us.

Kristi

Pass, I spend too much time in macho land (I work construction) and I fell back into an old mindset.  When Sandy's friend made that comment I soared.  For a moment I felt bullet proof.  Then when we are in a straight place and some guy gives me "that look" (okay maybe it was a hit and not a read) I let it get to me.

I know what you're saying about situations too.  I read that when two or more TSs go out together the odds of being read increase proportionally and I believe that.  No matter, it's water under the bridge now.  I don't let those kinds of things bother me for long. 

Kristi, you are right about validation, it has to come from within.  Since coming out of denial I've been working on just being me, letting it happen, not forcing it.  And when I just let it flow I don't need outward validation.  I know who I am and if someone has a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine.

I've got half a century of brainwashing to undo so I know it's not going to be as simple as flipping a switch.  But when you get those moments when someone let's you KNOW (as opposed to wondering) it's pretty neat and I don't have a problem letting myself revel in it.

Julie

QuotePass, I spend too much time in macho land (I work construction) and I fell back into an old mindset.  When Sandy's friend made that comment I soared.  For a moment I felt bullet proof.  Then when we are in a straight place and some guy gives me "that look" (okay maybe it was a hit and not a read) I let it get to me.

Its easy to do, but you just have to do the ole new york thing "forget about it" 

and of course it was hit

smiles,
-pass-

Quote from: Julie Marie on February 18, 2007, 06:55:57 PM

Quote from: Steph on February 18, 2007, 05:51:59 PM
what could have tipped them off, was it something you said, something you did, body language etc. 

Steph

Maybe ordering one of their "football sized" burritos gave me away! 

Julie

Personally I think I got read first.  I'm over six feet with my heels on so either I was Alison Channey http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005049/ or transgendered...

But no matter.  Neither of us ordered girly food maybe that did it!  Next time I'm ordering a salad with ranch dressing...  Nah, that ain't going to fly either!

-Sandy (I really did like West Wing and Finding Nemo!)

Maybe ordering the burrito and splitting it and then a salad. You can always go home and pig out. LOL
Sheila

Quote from: Sheila on February 19, 2007, 02:41:31 PM
Maybe ordering the burrito and splitting it and then a salad. You can always go home and pig out. LOL
Sheila

Yeah and next time, refrain from ordering big mugs of beer and singing "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK"

Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on February 19, 2007, 03:01:56 PM
Yeah and next time, refrain from ordering big mugs of beer and singing "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK"

ROFLMAO!!!

Melissa

I don't see what the issue is here, I see a group of women having a conversation they have no business entertaining...but some entertaining conversation none-the-less!

BTW, EFB? I used to eat there several times a week when I lived in Chitown, I just love those football size burritos! It is girly food if you keep your pinkies extended.

Kelly

Uh, calories? Hello?

Bri

Quote from: Brianna on February 19, 2007, 09:44:24 PM
Uh, calories? Hello?

Bri

It's okay as long as you have Lite beer with it.

Quote from: Brianna on February 19, 2007, 09:44:24 PM
Uh, calories? Hello?

Bri

Hey, it's only a few thousand!  And if you spread it over a week it won't make you spread out.

Julie

This is what I used to look like when I ate like that.



No, no, no, no no!

Gods.

Bri, anorexically

ROFLMFAO!

Thank you for that...BTW, did you dye your hair? There's, something, I don't no, different...can't quite put my finger on it.

That is me, actually, Kelly. No joke. It was in 2003. Man losing that weight was hard - but I needed to do it to transition.



268 pounds down to 145 pounds.

Bri

Wow, I started out at 268 too! I thought 200 was doing good, I am 6'5" though.

Gee Bri,

That is a big transformation.

I am putting on weight now I am not doing any running. I am still swimming and ridding but since I have trouble keeping my exercise at a threashold pace I am not burning fat  .

Alice