So...as many already know...I'm on testoserone. I've been on testosterone for 16months now and I still (as ever) identify as androgyn.
So...when someone who's not within the binary starts to transition....they must take "cross sex hormones". So what makes us different than MtFs or FtMs who take these same drugs?
It would be so much easier if there was such a thing as "androgyn hormones" because then it would be pretty clear who we are and where we're going...(god don't I wish.) but there isn't. There's no such thing.
When I first started telling people that I was taking T, but not identifying male...I expected to get alot of flack and alot of strange looks and such. Never happened.
Within the trans community we pretty much are who we say we are. I SAY I'm androgyn...and thus...I am. But I often find myself musing on...WHY. Why do I not identify as male when I'm taking male hormones (and they agree with me very very much.)
I can point to many feminine things, feelings, behaviors in my life that I love very much and are just as much a part of me as my male traits, behaviors and feelings.
When you start to parse it out it seems almost obvious...the differences between us and binary transitioners. However the lines do blur and grey some....I've met many "tom-boy MtFs" I've met many, many FtMs who don't desire any of the bottom surgery options either due to displeasure in the current options or simply feeling complete and whole as is.
While I am NOT calling into question anyone's identity...I am musing on this spectrum we call gender.
A friend of mine has just opened up and started considering hormone therapy and is genderqueer identified. The way ze's spoken about hir body is very very similar to the way my wife (MtF) speaks about her body. Yet...they're differently identified and it makes me go.....hmmmm.
So I thought I'd share my musings. I'm really not GOING anywhere with this...just thoughts. Feel free to join in

Well, I'd say it's what's inside us that's different--not the guts, though, we've all got those...I hope!  If you're androgyne, you're androgyne.  If you're a woman, you're a woman.  If you're a man, you're a man.  The hormones...well, I don't suppose there are androgynous hormones.  We gotta work with what we've got! 

...I've actually been considering T, but I'm hairy enough.  Boo!  Maybe if I can ever afford hair removal...

Nice to hear that the T agrees with you very, very much. I can understand moving deeper into the gray zone without going all the way over to the other side.

That's very interesting that body self-perceptions can be so similar from such different sources.

I am so boringly non-gender identified.

Quote from: Sevan on June 02, 2011, 09:03:23 AM

Within the trans community we pretty much are who we say we are. I SAY I'm androgyn...and thus...I am. But I often find myself musing on...WHY. Why do I not identify as male when I'm taking male hormones (and they agree with me very very much.)
...
While I am NOT calling into question anyone's identity...I am musing on this spectrum we call gender.
A friend of mine has just opened up and started considering hormone therapy and is genderqueer identified. The way ze's spoken about hir body is very very similar to the way my wife (MtF) speaks about her body. Yet...they're differently identified and it makes me go.....hmmmm.
So I thought I'd share my musings. I'm really not GOING anywhere with this...just thoughts. Feel free to join in

Though i was born male. I am not a man identity wise. I am not a woman identity wise. I identify as both. sometimes called androgyne.

Hormones have altered my body slightly. They haven't changed how i feel about my identity. Is my body right? yes.

My expressions do change. From masculine to feminine to androgynous. Which is right? all of them.

Gender roles change. My behavior changes depending on the situation. My personality is pretty much the same despite my role, behavior, or expressions.

kendall

Sevan isn't on a low dose. Ze is on a typical full transitioning dose. Hir T levels are typicaly 600-800 ng/dl. Which is well within male range.

 

Quote from: Stratovan on June 28, 2011, 05:11:24 PM
Yeah, I knew that, Sevan's exceptional (in many ways).
I am actually on the full dose now, just to see if I like it better.
I haven't been doing it long enough to give an opinion if it is better or not.
The initial dose was quite small, way less than half of 'full' dosage.
I'm a daring person in seeing just how far I can push things sometimes. (yeah, I know I'm an ->-bleeped-<-)

The point being though, is that they are far more willing to try small dose's as more therapeutic than going for full transition.
Sevan and I are just more therapeutic I guess. 

hehehe

I often have the same sort of questions about my Identity mostly when I've been questioned by narrow minded binary transwomen,  I'm taking more T-blockers and oestrogen then some of the trans people I know in real life but I also have a full beard 

It's not really my identity that I'm questioning Kinkly. Nor is anyone questioning my transition (thankfully! ) just musing on what makes people tick in general.
I am sorry to hear that you've had such struggles with local trans-women. I've heard you voice this pain before. I wish it wasn't so.

Balderdash.

Hmf.

I've thought, and thought, and tried not to think (but thought anyway...) and TRIED to post...and tried not to post...and still thoughts on my transition, my testosterone, my feelings on both....and nothing will come out.

I tried to sluce it out with another androgyn friend...but could get nothing out...not of worth really.

I can't do it! I can't put voice. I can't...put my finger on it! Stupid. Stupid GID. Stupid.

What does it need? What does it WANT!!! I mean...I'm just sayin...I don't know what I'm sayin. Honestly.

It had something to do with....androgyn identity...mixed with *cross sex* hormones....balance....see there's the key. In there somewhere. The hormones don't intend to drop me off at an androgyn location (at least...not intent...) but then...what? What do I DO!? I don't know.

**No. I don't expect answers. I don't really expect anyone to say much of anything because what the heck is there to say? I just...it was hard enough to put my fingers to the keys here....let alone somewhere (my blog, read by almost all cis gender people) else where no one will have the first foggiest clue.

Androgyn identity....cross sex hormones....balance....hmmmm

Quote from: Sevan on July 19, 2011, 10:09:07 PM
It had something to do with....androgyn identity...mixed with *cross sex* hormones....balance....see there's the key. In there somewhere. The hormones don't intend to drop me off at an androgyn location (at least...not intent...) but then...what? What do I DO!? I don't know.

this really picked my interest. i don't have any answer to that, but i'm wondering if you're having difficulty finding the right balance with hormones that will take you to either end of the scale but never stop in the middle?

i'm not sure if this has anything to do with what you're trying to express, but i often think i'd like to find a way to just get rid of any male or female hormones in my body, and replace them with something alien that would take away any physical features that are typical for one sex or the other. i don't know if hrt is right or even available for me, but hopefully i'll get to discuss this with a doctor who understands more than two genders in a few weeks time

Quote from: Sevan on July 19, 2011, 10:09:07 PM
...balance....hmmmm

Hmmmmmm........balance..........hummmmmm.......I must be balanced if I am aware of it..........hmmmmmmmmm.........

Well...nothing is resolved...but I feel somewhat better. I suppose there are just something's that can't be fully grokked in fullness.
There's also the thought that even cis-gender peoe get upset and have hardships. It's not always hormones.

It is difficult being in the middle.... taking hormones nulls the dysphoria a bit for me (thank goodness!) but it keeps raising it's head nonetheless -  and for what? To push me into something that i don't want to do? Madness..... 

Yes! Maddening!! What does it want!? I'm taking T, I'm changing my name, my physical self is shifting...I've been on a good track for a while now and then....depression. Dysphoria... It's a cruel cruel thing. It makes little to no sense.
I guess I stick it out until it calms because there's not really anything more that I can do.
Boy oh boy does it ever throw a stick in the cogs. Makes you question things that just doesn't really need to be questioned.

I have once told someone that taking cross sex hormones will not make you male or female, it will make you physically androgynous, however (without surgeries and such). I believe the difference is really, purely upstairs.  You just have to be happy at some point.  Everyone should get to draw their own line in the sand.