With every passing day, I miss her more and more.  The regret of writing that letter deepens, and I feel so alone.  I think of her all the time.  How good it felt to just be with her.  Snuggled up and watching movies, going for walks.  Her gorgeous smile.  All the little things that we used to do together.  It's hard to be without her.  I wish I could erase what I said in that letter, but I can't.  If only she would realize that I love her and I'm totally comfortable with her being the girl that she is.  My words don't seem to mean anything.  We have no contact what so ever.  I stopped pushing and am giving her the time and space she needs and wants, but in my quiet moments I can't help but wonder...Will she ever come back to me?  Will I ever hold her again?  Just thinking about it hurts.

I have decided to attend a local support group meeting and share the story or Erin and I.  The staff was very happy to hear from me and more than willing for me to come in a talk.  In some strange way, it makes me feel close to Erin even though we are so far apart.  I want to learn all I can, share my knowledge and experience, and connect with others who might have been through the same thing.  My first group will be in the middle of August.  I even offered to help them through volunteer work as well.  I want to be involved.  I want to help as much as I can.  I hope it helps me to develop a better understanding of gender, and I know I will meet alot of wonderful people along the way. 

I miss you Erin...

I'm sorry you're suffering, Kaylee, and I can relate. Without my knowledge, I passed on the emotional abuse I endured throughout my childhood to my fiancee. I never even realized I was doing it. She broke up with me two days after my birthday, which was about a week ago now, and I've been trying to pick up the pieces ever since. After much pleading by me, she agreed to give me a month to get my life in order, which I'm working hard at. If Erin loves you, and you her, there's still a chance.

Is the situation irreparable?

Like, I know, many others here, who've followed your posts Kaylee, I too feel very strongly for you.

In the place you are in, at this time, it isn't really the comfort you seek. But never forget, however small, it's there.

Thank you very, very much for your support and for being there for me.  I am struggling, but I don't want to give up hope.  I find comfort in knowing that so many of you are behind me and understand how I'm feeling.