Hi all,

I'm new here and thought i would try and get an insight as to how other ftm gf's have reacted to your genitals changing whilst on T.

I've been with my gf for 3 years. She was straight when we met and we just fell in love. After about 18 months i told her that i finally wanted to progress with my transition. She was very supportive and still is but after 4 months on T things have started to change. We have talked about the changes that will occur and she is happy with it all apart from my genitals growing.
She has seen pictures and just can't get her head around it all.

So what i'm asking is if anyone else's gf's had the same issue.
I'm asking for your advice as my relationship is on the edge of a cliff and i want to save it.

My gf just starts crying. She won't have sex with my anymore eventhough it's only been two months. I showed her the one day that it's not THAT different down there, but she just start crying again. I did the showing her pictures thing too. Probably the worst thing I could have ever done, as she thought it looked "alien". She keeps telling me she needs time to get used to it. If she can't handle it at 2 months, I'm sure it's not going to change. I, unfortunately, have been in a relationship on the edge of a cliff and fallen over for over a year. I just don't have anyplace else to live, so I deal.

I hate to bring you a negative response, especially one without any good advice. Maybe you could try the approach I did, and maybe it would work for you. Although kind of weird, I offered to show my gf the changes as they were happening, so she would understand. I thought it could be a we could get used to this change together type of thing. I personally thought if she could see how my body progressed into what those pictures look like she wouldn't be so....."grossed out" (sigh) for lack of a better term. I also tried explaining to her (sigh) that everyone's genitals are different, male or female. No two are going to be the exact same, and I would hope that something like my genitals wouldn't be a deal breaker for a relationship if you really care about me.

Good luck man.....I hope it works out for you.

Hi guys,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling over this. I hope that as time goes by, your partners figure out a way to keep loving and appreciating you as your bodies change. I'd like to think that everyone can look past the physical, but I know that it is sadly not always the case.

My partner is excited about my changing genitals. The fact that she is bisexual and attracted to a variety of bodies and genitals might be a factor here. It might also help that our sex life is very passionate and we are very much in love with each other right now. I think she is more wary about possible emotional and psychological changes, honestly.

Best luck to both of you!

Thanks for the replies.

I also thought that if my gf saw the changes as i progressed it woouldn't be so bad for her.
She has been looking at pictures online and reckons it looks like a piece of ham rolled up.

We've been discussing this issue as neither of us want our relationship to end so we've decided that she sould try a support group to speak to others who have experienced the same issues.

I'll try and keep you updated with whats going on.

What has your gf been looking a pictures of exactly?  That doesn't sound like normal clit enlargement due to testosterone. 

I'm not sure it's a good idea to look at pictures of other guys online, in my humble opinion. I do think it's a good idea for her to ask for external support, however. I am also wondering if her focus on the physical might not be hiding a deeper (perhaps emotional) issue. Just a thought...

Its the biggest concern for my wife .... we shall see how that goes -- I am going to start T on Monday

Congratulations on starting T, Robert Best of luck and keep us posted!

Kate and I have been together roughly 3 years now ... I've been on t since the start of April ... and started seeing growth with in the first 2-3 weeks ... And she rather likes it .. LOL.  I remember sitting down next to her one day after coming out of the shower and she just blinked at me... And then said '... Yup ... you're growing ... it just jiggled at me.' ... Definitely a hardcore laughter moment there ...  But she also knew that I would be doing this at some point from very very early on.

... She's more upset that it's getting very hard to tell the difference between leg hair and pubic hair at this point .. (yea ... hello hairy beeeast!) especially since I had NO upper leg hair to start ...

... I don't know what I'd do or think if she just started balling her eyes out over my goodies ...


wish I could offer some help ... instead of just basically saying 'that sucks' ...

Hey man, sorry that your situation with your girlfriend is difficult right now. IMHO, if a couple loves each other and is attracted to each other, something like the genital enlargement with T isn't going to be a deal breaker.

I met my fiance when I had been on T for two years. She remarked that she had been curious of what I was like down there but not worried or icked out thinking about it . There has been some more gradual growth since then, and she likes it quite a bit  .

Hang in there mate, hopefully this stressful time will smooth out for you.

Her reaction has been positive...and playful.

In the beginning, though, she was very nervous and uncertain about that particular aspect of the changes.
That could have been more related to her own self identity. We've been together a long time. This was a lot to digest.

I have to agree with not showing her anybody else's junk. It's enough for them to process the basic changes and what it's all going to mean for them. Too much FTM info can be kinda overwhelming. Just give her time.

This is an interesting topic.

I didn't hook-up with my girlfriend until after I started T (I was on T for about 5 months at the time). So she had never really seen what my genitals looked like until after it has started to undergo it's changes. Having been a straight woman all of her life, her initial reaction was surprised and amazed with what a few months of hormone therapy could do. To my surprise, she was more calm and had a more positive reaction to my genitals than I was showing them to her (I seriously thought it was going to freak her out and have her break up with me).

I remember her telling me that "Wow, it looks like a mini penis...or a baby's penis...hahahaha!" and it made me smile because she was very accepting of it and even made me feel good. I don't give a rat's ass if my penis is not as big as it should be for my age, but since it's starting to look like one...awesome.

I was actually talking to her the other night (after we were done having sex) that she actually likes that my penis is the way it is. I asked her why and she said something along the lines that a biological male's penis has somewhat freaked her out in the past. She has always thought they looked weird, awkward and strange. But to have something like mine, it was easier to understand. I'm not sure what she means by that exactly but I figured if she is ok with it, I'm cool with it.

i'm not on T yet, but my wife already knows what's going to happen and she's seen pics. as long as i dont get bottom surgery she's ok with it. being as she's lesbian thats how we got together a year ago, as two lesbians. i just recently (3 weeks ago) told her about my wanting to start transitioning. she's perfectly ok with all the extra body/facial hair, changes with my downstairs, and the voice deepening and even ok with my wanting top surgery. it's really nice to have so much support from her. its just bottom surgery she's against. her argument on it is "i dont like guys hence the lesbian-ness. and as long as you dont have a penis, everything else is just fine. you're still YOU. you'll just look a little different."

Quote from: todd.landon.vitale on August 03, 2011, 09:17:31 PM
i'm not on T yet, but my wife already knows what's going to happen and she's seen pics. as long as i dont get bottom surgery she's ok with it. being as she's lesbian thats how we got together a year ago, as two lesbians. i just recently (3 weeks ago) told her about my wanting to start transitioning. she's perfectly ok with all the extra body/facial hair, changes with my downstairs, and the voice deepening and even ok with my wanting top surgery. it's really nice to have so much support from her. its just bottom surgery she's against. her argument on it is "i dont like guys hence the lesbian-ness. and as long as you dont have a penis, everything else is just fine. you're still YOU. you'll just look a little different."

Yeah, don't really think that relationship is going to last long after you start physical transition. 

Quote from: Andy8715 on August 03, 2011, 09:41:30 PM
Yeah, don't really think that relationship is going to last long after you start physical transition.

I have to agree, sadly.   If it's only been 3 weeks, I really doubt that her initial acceptance and approval will hold out.   Chances are she'll have little choice but to see you as a man eventually, and would you really want to be with someone who didn't?  Occasionally these types of relationships/marriages last once one partner begins transition, but typically, when it comes to someone needing to bend or expand their sexual orientation, they don't. 

well i hope more than anything that you guys are wrong about that. me and her have been thru more than most couples (homo or hetero) go thru in 10 years, in the year we've been together. i'll just have to let you know how it goes i guess. personally i think it'd be harder to find someone after transitioning. cuz i'm not all that sure about bottom surgery myself either. more than likely would just pack.

my wife once said that she wanted to transition at the begining of our relationship. so i'm very sure that she's going to stick with me thruout mine.

My ex has seen my changes down there and is happy with it so long as I'm happy with it.

@logan I had no thigh hair pre-T and at 8.5 months I have no inner thigh hair. Drat!

Quote from: todd.landon.vitale on August 03, 2011, 10:08:51 PM
well i hope more than anything that you guys are wrong about that. me and her have been thru more than most couples (homo or hetero) go thru in 10 years, in the year we've been together. i'll just have to let you know how it goes i guess. personally i think it'd be harder to find someone after transitioning. cuz i'm not all that sure about bottom surgery myself either. more than likely would just pack.

I didn't have any trouble finding someone well into my "transition". My girlfriend and I met when I'd been on T for about a year and a half, so all the downstairs growth had already occurred. She had only ever been with bio-guys before me, but considers herself to be bisexual. The first time we slept together, I was worried she'd think my junk was weird, but she actually loves it--- there's more surface area than a girl's clit, that's for sure. Yeah, it looks like a small dick. But it's not that weird. There are genetic women who have large clits. I think any partner who can't handle a little downstairs growth may not be the best partner to have.

Quote from: Andy8715 on August 03, 2011, 09:41:30 PM
Yeah, don't really think that relationship is going to last long after you start physical transition.

I agree with this assessment.  Someone who "doesn't like guys" but is OK with the effects of T is a bit of a non-sequitur.  The whole point of T is that it makes you more male.

It sounds like Todd's wife is expecting to be able to shrug off the changes caused by T as superficial.  The problem is that the changes caused by T are not superficial.  It is easy for her to perceive the relationship as lesbian right now.  But what about when Todd looks, sounds, and smells so much like a man that nobody except for the wife will perceive him as anything but a man?  How much of a "lesbian" relationship is that going to be?  How is she going to reconcile the obvious mental disconnect it's going to cause by her insistence on a farce of a lesbian relationship when it becomes more difficult every day to deny that she is involved with a man?  It is as Bahzi said:  eventually she will be forced to have to perceive Todd as a man.  If the wife is still using "she" and everyone else in the world is using "he" then the popular vote is going to be causing some problems.

I recommend that Todd contemplate on whether the lovely wife is really only concerned with his not having a penis.  Acceptance dependent on such minute details is rare and, to be perfectly honest:  unnatural.  If someone is concerned with physical appearances at all, then they are usually concerned with the whole package.

I'm bi, so I could probably survive a transition in a relationship if the SO didn't significantly change in personality or interests.  If I weren't bisexual, I find it very unlikely that I would want to stay in a relationship which involved transition.  This is also the reason I'm not looking for a relationship until after my transition, as I feel it would be dishonest to look for a relationship knowing I will undergo significant physical changes in the future.