So lately my job has really been getting to me, and all the dysphoria that had almost dissapeared is getting stronger again. For the most part though, it has nothing to do with the company or my co-workers, but the nature of the job itself, and the customers. ->-bleeped-<-ing customers. I deal with so much stupidity and BS everyday. Most of what really bothers me the most are minor things that I really cant do anything about at all, like the customer today who called me 'Honey' what felt like every other freaking word. By the end of the call, and luckily it was a short one, I was gritting my teeth and nearly flinching every time she said it, and wanted to scream at her to stop f'n saying that damn word.
I work for a catalog/web gift company in sales and customer service, selling Teddy Bears, flowers, and pajamas. I'm usually staring at a dos based order and inventory program, with a head set on at my desk all day, talking to a ridiculous variety of crazy customers who don't listen to a word you say to them.
"Can I have your zip code please?" "It's 123 main st." "no, i need the zip code first" "Its a visa card" Head desk.
So since i'm not on T, and I'm on the phone so customers can't see me, my voice is all people have to go on. Aparently my voice makes people think that calling me super awesome names like Sweetie, honey and darling is clearly the best way to address me. And since they are the customer, and I'm the one with sales goals to meet everyweek, and upsells to talk people into, I cant say anything about it. And it sucks that my high girly voice gets more sales than when I speak in my "normal" lower voice. Especially with grandparents.
It still really gets to me though, especially when I have a guy buying pajamas or something for his wife or girlfriend and they ask "Well you are obviously a girl, which of these pink lacy nightgowns would you want someone to give you?" I have to go along with it, and tell him how much I love whichever is more expensive, and I'm thinking about buying it for my self when i get paid next. Some days I can have fun with it, but other times it really bothers me, and I end up in an F the world kind of mood and I want to go off on everyone. The gender police customers are the worst. We get a lot of customers ordering teddy bears for new baby's, and if I suggest a gender neutral outfit with green or multi colored, sometimes the conversations get very interesting.
"I have a bear wearing a yellow and green diaper and bib"
"Its for a girl."
"Oh..... uh.."
"It has to be pink, its a girl."
"I have a different one with lots of different colored polka dots, theres some pink in it."
"No, just Pink. I told you its a girl!"
I will admit that I kind of do it on purpose, and egg them on a little to amuse myself sometimes, but I do get a bit of a feeling of accomplishment when I get someone to order a gender neutral outfit for a new baby.
I dont even know what the point i'm trying to make is anymore, I guess thats why its called a rant. I do work in a pretty awesome place where I feel like I could transition there, but I dont know how it would work on the phone, and in retail. During the summer and fall tourist season I also work in the retail store and give factory tours. I already bind everyday and wear mens clothes almost exclusively, but I'm not actually out at work. they all think im some weird butch dyke or something (which I havnt exactly denied) Even If I answered the phone as Kyle, or had my apron changed at work to say Kyle instead of Miranda, customers would still see/hear me as a girl. I had my name covered up one day, and still got she'd all day by customers.
I think the worst part is that I really cant say anything to the customers about it, no matter how much it bothers me. Because If I did I probably start losing sales, and eventually my job. My co workers have all given up on trying to treat me like the other girls, because I just give them ->-bleeped-<- and mock them for it.
