I know it's a strange question... but sometimes (like now), I just feel like my hormones are making me crazy.   I find myself obsessing over these minutiae details sometimes that I can't seem to get past... things like my weight, or the tiny bump remaining of my adam's apple after I had it shaved, parts of my body and so on.  Some of you may remember that I did a thread about wanting to detransition a few months back because I was having these same issues.  It's not that I want to be a guy, it's just that I didn't obsess like I do now... or feel so crazy at times... so sometimes the idea of going backwards can sound appealing.

Does anyone else feel like this at times?  Sorry if I dampened anybodies day with this thread =)

I'm certifiable!!! 

* Does anyone else feel like this at times?  Sorry if I dampened anybodies day with this thread =)
*

YEEEEEEEES! We all do, nothing new in this zoo :-)

But in the end, girls are thougher then you know --- and so we pull through, sooner or later.

I went nuts about sooooo, many different things, oh my.
Ask me now? --- Different stuff yet again. That's why we girls need girl friends.
Hormones are a bitch at times.

Hang in there babe, it's par for the course :-)
Love,
Axelle

Oooo oo me me

Things are definitely mentally different... and it can be a bit unsettling. From emotional responses to what would typically be non-issues, to just how I generally feel (sometimes, it feels like I am TOO calm). And then, add in the stress from transition and all the fears in general combined with just general stress of life... and it can feel like a lot.

I thought about stopping a couple times (only 4 months into hormones), but each time it is a fleeting thought (because, really, the effects are just so great P:

I just tell myself that I need to get used to things. That emotional unpredictability will mellow out after a couple years... and that after transition social issues will be taken care of...

A little craziness at least makes things interesting

That would be me.  I had a reaction to he lortab and prednisone they gave me for my back. I broke out in hives ALL over. Jeez louise I got depressed after seeing all the little bumps all over me.

I dont think its the hormones as much as it is my desire to look stunning. The thing is, everyone could say I look stunning, and I could still find flaw after flaw, so go figure....

Actually... No.

HRT has had quite the opposite effect for me at least. I'm much happier and comfortable with my physical appearance and metal/emotional state. Definitely all positive stuff in my book.

I think we tend to be over-critical of ourselves, which is the nature of things. Sometimes you just can't always worry over the details. 

Seems to me like you're feeling how girls feel all the time haha. You know how females are, they worry about appearance, weight, etc.... Maybe not all women are this way but it just sounds to me like you are just worrying about things that any other female worries about. Since you are on hormones then things can feel more overwhelming than usual- i did not figure this out until i hit puberty cuz frankly i didnt pay too much attention to those things until i experienced them, i may not take hormones but trust me i know it! It might be the hormones but it seems to me that ur just being a normal woman 

Quote from: Sarah7 on July 30, 2011, 09:04:33 AM
I know we're all supposed to go crazy and emotional and whatever, but me... I feel like I'm actually in control of my emotions for the first time since I hit puberty. I don't feel half-dead anymore. I don't have random bursts of anger or irritation or get upset for no reason. I don't feel like I'm half an inch from slipping back into depression. I actually try to eat properly. I haven't even thought about cutting in months.

I'm glad that I'm alive now. Obsessing over my appearance is just a side effect of giving a damn about anything. The idea of going backwards... ugg, I'd rather die.

Besides, without a little crazy, we'd be so boring.

Sounds like the perfect answer for me as well 

Well, I assume this is what all women have to put up with... hence I say it's the hormones that are making me crazy =) 
It's just that I've known different before, since I wasn't always a girl... and that thought seems to make the crazy feeling more profound... knowing that I am choosing to take hormones knowing that they make me feel crazy at times.  You can't miss what you never had, but I've had a much more calm sense of mind when being as a guy... I was just unhappy because I wanted to be a girl.  Now, as a girl, I find myself obsessing over tiny things in my appearance... and I pass completely.  I think these would be more valid concerns if I didn't pass, but since I pass 100% then it makes me feel like I'm crazy to have these obsessions.  I've been on hormones for over 2 years and to me it seems like the crazy feelings are getting more profound as time progresses.  However, as time progresses, I am considering srs and ba... and maybe it's the thought of "there is no turning back after these" that is causing my mind to go so berserk at times.

I almost dislike being a girl as much as I did being a guy... but at least as a girl I can express myself how I truly feel.

I'm almost certain your dysphoria would return, if you quit the estrogen. You would probably have done earlier on, if it didn't give you anything.

Hormones aren't making me crazy, but sure have put a smile on my face.

Quote from: Tracy Stevens on July 30, 2011, 04:27:58 PM
Hormones aren't making me crazy, but sure have put a smile on my face.

The best people in the world are crazy (from Johnny Depp's "Alice In Wonderland") So Get Used To It!

Definition of crazy? I'm Right (it's the rest of the world that's so WRONG,WRONG WRONG!)

(dosing info inserted here)

Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 30, 2011, 01:44:12 AM
I know it's a strange question... but sometimes (like now), I just feel like my hormones are making me crazy.   I find myself obsessing over these minutiae details sometimes that I can't seem to get past... things like my weight, or the tiny bump remaining of my adam's apple after I had it shaved, parts of my body and so on.  Some of you may remember that I did a thread about wanting to detransition a few months back because I was having these same issues.  It's not that I want to be a guy, it's just that I didn't obsess like I do now... or feel so crazy at times... so sometimes the idea of going backwards can sound appealing.

Does anyone else feel like this at times?  Sorry if I dampened anybodies day with this thread =)

Yhese things have othing to do with the hormones, they have to do with you having GID

Kate D

I was crazy to begin with 

Sometimes I get a little PMS'ey but I can't say that I've experienced what you've described. Hormones helped me feel like less of an emotional zombie.

Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 30, 2011, 12:11:56 PM
Well, I assume this is what all women have to put up with... hence I say it's the hormones that are making me crazy =) 
It's just that I've known different before, since I wasn't always a girl... and that thought seems to make the crazy feeling more profound... knowing that I am choosing to take hormones knowing that they make me feel crazy at times.  You can't miss what you never had, but I've had a much more calm sense of mind when being as a guy... I was just unhappy because I wanted to be a girl.  Now, as a girl, I find myself obsessing over tiny things in my appearance... and I pass completely.  I think these would be more valid concerns if I didn't pass, but since I pass 100% then it makes me feel like I'm crazy to have these obsessions.  I've been on hormones for over 2 years and to me it seems like the crazy feelings are getting more profound as time progresses.  However, as time progresses, I am considering srs and ba... and maybe it's the thought of "there is no turning back after these" that is causing my mind to go so berserk at times.

I almost dislike being a girl as much as I did being a guy... but at least as a girl I can express myself how I truly feel.

Well at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself, and for yourself. Hormones or not. You have to be happy and content with you. Not with or for anyone else. I never personally had that same sense of calm as guy. Totally the opposite for me. It felt like I was putting on an act all the time, like I was on-stage 24/7 looking around to see if anyone noticed if anything that I said or did that was for lack of a better phrase "un-manly". I just wasn't confident enough to express who I really was at that point.

Also, passing at the end of the day has little to do with how you deal and feel about yourself. You have to do it for you, not anyone else. I passed without HRT for years... HRT has little to do with passing IMHO. They are not as closely related as so many like to connect the two. There's soooooo much more to it. If you couldn't "pass" pre-HRT chances are those little magic pills aren't going to change you a whole bunch without some extra work. Diet, exercise, and other lifestyle changes are far more potent. HRT is more like icing on the cake... but you have to like the cake to begin with.

Quote from: JennX on July 30, 2011, 07:34:45 PM
Well at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself, and for yourself. Hormones or not. You have to be happy and content with you. Not with or for anyone else. I never personally had that same sense of calm as guy. Totally the opposite for me. It felt like I was putting on an act all the time, like I was on-stage 24/7 looking around to see if anyone noticed if anything that I said or did that was for lack of a better phrase "un-manly". I just wasn't confident enough to express who I really was at that point.

Also, passing at the end of the day has little to do with how you deal and feel about yourself. You have to do it for you, not anyone else. I passed without HRT for years... HRT has little to do with passing IMHO. They are not as closely related as so many like to connect the two. There's soooooo much more to it. If you couldn't "pass" pre-HRT chances are those little magic pills aren't going to change you a whole bunch without some extra work. Diet, exercise, and other lifestyle changes are far more potent. HRT is more like icing on the cake... but you have to like the cake to begin with.

Hehe that's an interesting analogy about HRT =)  Thank you!
I was trying to make the point that my obsessions don't seem logical, because they aren't about passing or not... they are about this little tiny details that seem insignificant.  I clearly have some sort of body issues, but I feel like hormones have really amplified these issues.  As a guy my body obsessions were mild and healthy to a certain extent... like I would exercise everyday, eat right and such.  But I never felt like I shouldn't leave my house because of my appearance... and I feel like that some times now. 
Most days I am fine, but it seems like every month or two I have an episode where I just sorta lose it inside my head, and I think the severity of these episodes are related to my hormones.  Somebody said earlier that this is related to my GID, and they may be right... but I think it goes beyond that. 
Like, I have a tiny bump where my adam's apple was shaved, and for some reason I obsess over it.  You can see it in some of my pictures and it bothers me like crazy.  I think the majority of my issues are related to my weight, I'm so underweight and I can't help it.  If I just put on 10-20 lbs then my neck wouldn't be so skinny... you can see all the different cartilages and things in my neck and it grosses me out.

These are pics I've posted in another thread, and I can't look at them without getting past my neck.
I know I sound crazy but I'm really pretty normal and stable if you were to meet me, I just have these episodes where I sorta flip out =(  So I made this thread because I wanted to see if anyone else was having this problem

Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 30, 2011, 08:10:27 PM
Hehe that's an interesting analogy about HRT =)  Thank you!
I was trying to make the point that my obsessions don't seem logical, because they aren't about passing or not... they are about this little tiny details that seem insignificant.  I clearly have some sort of body issues, but I feel like hormones have really amplified these issues.  As a guy my body obsessions were mild and healthy to a certain extent... like I would exercise everyday, eat right and such.  But I never felt like I shouldn't leave my house because of my appearance... and I feel like that some times now. 
Most days I am fine, but it seems like every month or two I have an episode where I just sorta lose it inside my head, and I think the severity of these episodes are related to my hormones.  Somebody said earlier that this is related to my GID, and they may be right... but I think it goes beyond that. 
Like, I have a tiny bump where my adam's apple was shaved, and for some reason I obsess over it.  You can see it in some of my pictures and it bothers me like crazy.  I think the majority of my issues are related to my weight, I'm so underweight and I can't help it.  If I just put on 10-20 lbs then my neck wouldn't be so skinny... you can see all the different cartilages and things in my neck and it grosses me out.

These are pics I've posted in another thread, and I can't look at them without getting past my neck.
I know I sound crazy but I'm really pretty normal and stable if you were to meet me, I just have these episodes where I sorta flip out =(  So I made this thread because I wanted to see if anyone else was having this problem

Welcome! 

I'm also pretty tall and have a longer neck than some I suppose, which is maybe why I wear my hair down a lot. 

Anywho, based on your pics, you look like a beautiful girl. Period. I don't see or read anything beyond that. I live in a city with a large MTF population. I run into more MTFs on my way to Starbucks, than most people do in their lifetime, and trust me, based on looks, you're in the top 10%.  Don't sweat it. Really. I do agree that GID in general makes us more aware and particular about our appearance in general. It turns many of us into perfectionists I guess you could say. We are always struggling to attain that picture of ideal perfection we have in our head. In years past, I pretty much wouldn't leave the house without spending 2 hours on my make-up, in order to get it just right. Literally. This is a pain especially when you have to get up 2 hours extra early in the morning... every morning.  Lucklily, I've been able to get it down to about 1 hour now though. 

Vanna, honey, HRT isn't comparable to the natural oestrogen/testosterone that genetic females/males have.    Big Pharma has dreadfully mislead us with HRT.  Which don't forget isn't designed for people like us.  It is designed for 40 something genetic women who want to maintain a relatively youthful appearance and a moist vagina.  These women are NOT looking for breast development, their breasts developed 25-30 years ago.    The same goes for Spiro, if you got your information here at Susan's about Spiro then you could  well be forgiven for thinking that Spiro is an anti-androgen with blood pressure lowering as a secondary function.  The terrible truth is that Spiro is first-and-foremost a drug used to lower blood pressure, and claims that it lowers significantly androgens circulating in the male body is anecdotal at best.   I don't want my fellow transsexuals/transgender to get their hopes up that hrt is a wonder drug that will give you normal size breasts for your chest size if only you will hang in there long enough.   Do I need to say it again?   Hrt isn't designed for us.  It is designed for  middle-aged genetic women.  You are taking something that isn't designed for a male body.  Something that will never give you anything beyond poached eggs sized breasts and will damage your liver long-term.  How sensible is that?   

I've had these kind of obsessive feelings for many, many years before ever starting HRT. 

Vanna, my post above wasn't aimed solely at you.   I have seen your photos Vanna and you are beautiful and completely passable.