Hello, I'm new to the forums, pre-hormone FTM.  I'm finding huge changes happening mentally just from admitting who I really am and accepting the side of myself I supressed before.  Ten times more energetic, finally able to diet for the first time amongst other things.  But I'm also starting to think I'll be in a totally different career by the time I"m done transitioning.  I"m an IT technician, got a job that I thought was everything I ever wanted...and it's not.  I'm having a huge shift mentally from working with abstract concepts to more "concrete" things, wondering if anyone else has experienced things like this before?

Erik

Hi everyone, I'm sorry for my absence  School has been trying to get the best of me, and my hands have been rather full. Got some fun stories I'll sahre when/if it's appropriate 

Erik honey first of all I'm happy for your newfound energy and zest, liberating isn't it! However, I'd be careful not to bite off more than you can chew in the work department. Personally I have been at transition a comparitively little while now, and I got very excited and started planning and changing etc etc in a flurry of activity...and then it all settled down for a while back into the daily routine and daily, however evolving life. Something I have discovered...transition is ~very~ expensive. Therapists, lawyer, hormones, doctors, *clothes* (ok I cant complain about that one  ) and eventually assorted surgeries...and I'm not sure theres a 'starving artist hormone fund' out there. At this period of great change, why turn over more stones than necessary?

I dunno, just my two cents.

I didn't notice much change in my thinking processes, although I suspect I was older than you are when I transitioned. I did notice more energy, probably because I was no longer expending huge amounts of energy on denial.

Dennis

Quote from: Erik on February 06, 2007, 06:26:55 PM
Hello, I'm new to the forums, pre-hormone FTM.  I'm finding huge changes happening mentally just from admitting who I really am and accepting the side of myself I supressed before.  Ten times more energetic, finally able to diet for the first time amongst other things.  But I'm also starting to think I'll be in a totally different career by the time I"m done transitioning.  I"m an IT technician, got a job that I thought was everything I ever wanted...and it's not.  I'm having a huge shift mentally from working with abstract concepts to more "concrete" things, wondering if anyone else has experienced things like this before?

Erik

Hi Erik. You are describing my SO Brooke pretty good here, lol.

Once Brooke told me it was like she began to float. Very giggly, very full of energy. She is excited and it shows.

Quote from: Dennis on February 17, 2007, 11:24:28 AM
probably because I was no longer expending huge amounts of energy on denial.

Dennis, thats so true it's poetic 

Quote from: Erik on February 06, 2007, 06:26:55 PM
Hello, I'm new to the forums, pre-hormone FTM.  I'm finding huge changes happening mentally just from admitting who I really am and accepting the side of myself I supressed before.  Ten times more energetic, finally able to diet for the first time amongst other things.  But I'm also starting to think I'll be in a totally different career by the time I"m done transitioning.  I"m an IT technician, got a job that I thought was everything I ever wanted...and it's not.  I'm having a huge shift mentally from working with abstract concepts to more "concrete" things, wondering if anyone else has experienced things like this before?

Erik

I noted improvement in global psycho-emotional functioning and a VAST improvement in cognitive and intellectual function and processing.

Much of this, like you, came simply from not trying to sustain a false representation and expending prodigious amounts of psychic energy to do so, but perhaps MOST of the 'mental' improvement came from FINALLY having the correct hormonal chemistry in my body and mind.

That surprised me--I didn't expect this at all. In retrospect, it's no surprise.

The total 'mental' [to put it broadly] improvement observed is nothing short of staggering.

I to have thorght about what I would like to do with my life as transitioning I now know would be the end of my marrage. I work to survive and to lookafter my wife. But if and when she leaves I will be able to find out who I am. I always wanted to work with animals and I think that transition would be a good time for me to purse another life long dream.

If I only have to support myself then I cant see why I need to be urning so much money.

Be carfull what you wish for, you still need tobe able to support yourself.

God, don't I feel you.  I work part-time in a restaraunt for minimum wage and go to college full-time.  School is most important to me, but so is my transition.  I suppose what I want most is to be able to be considered legally female so I can just move on and begin my career as my preferred, true self.

I suppose my situation is something of a double-edged sword.  I'm not entrenched and reliant on a career at the moment, so if I do manage to transition fully before I finish school, I don't have to worry about losing my job or having trouble finding work over being in mid-transition (is it even legal for an employer to get rid of you on those grounds, though?)  I'm just hoping I'll be able to pull this off so that I'll be legally female when I want to begin my career as a teacher.  We'll see, I suppose.  I think it can be done.  I'm a very determined woman.  Most of the time.

On topic, though, I found that once I crawled out of the dark and had my self-realization, my academic performance has been better than ever, my drive and energy has increased immensely, and my overall desire to truly succeed in life, love and all things humanity has jumped to levels incomprehensible.  I do have the occassional mood swing of course, my life tends to be very stressful, but I'm working hard to eliminate all sources of stress and unecessary nonsense so I can have a tranquil, safe, quiet sort of routine when I begin the truly heavy stages of transition.

I find that if you're going to be transporting delicate goods, you need to avoid every bump in the road possible, and above all, take it slow when you can.  Find an old friend, a trustworthy friend, move in with them if possible.  I'm getting rid of my car and riding my bike so I don't have to fret over it breaking down (I live in a flat, easy to traverse city), I can get exercise and I save on gas/insurance.  Anything at all that stresses you out in life, just get rid of it, toss it aside, or at least try to minimize it.  The mental changes are just beginning, and HRT amplifies it substantially.  I'm looking forward to HRT, personally, since I've been bottling up emotions my whole life.  I'd like to be able to break down and cry for no good reason every now and then.  The mere thought brings me comfort.

Thanks for the responses all, it's good to know I"m not the only one out there going through such huge changes.  I understand the advice about been too hasty, I didn't just suppress my masculinity though, but pretty much everything in myself that couldn't fit inside the box of "IT tech", there's a fair number of skills I have especially in the customer service arena that were gained at the expense of the rest of myself.  Likewise, it's hard to find your sense of self when you're in a field that thinks re-writing your mind around a new programming language is a good thing.   In fact that's what made me leave my last job....I couldn't go back to been half a person and turn off my instincts for the sake of something so abstract.

At least I have a job in the midterm while I decide what to do.

Erik

I heard a comedian one time say the hardest thing he thought about getting a sex change M2F was getting half your brains sucked out. I found NO humor.

Quote from: Amanda on February 17, 2007, 02:57:35 AM
Something I have discovered...transition is ~very~ expensive. Therapists, lawyer, hormones, doctors, *clothes* (ok I cant complain about that one  ) and eventually assorted surgeries...and I'm not sure theres a 'starving artist hormone fund' out there.

I am not sure how many may be interested but I have found there is something of a "starving artist hormone" fund out there.
It has been a big help and a light at the end of the tunnel toward financing my transition. Cannot get involved... information only.

Quote from: Erik on February 06, 2007, 06:26:55 PM
But I'm also starting to think I'll be in a totally different career by the time I"m done transitioning.  I"m an IT technician, got a job that I thought was everything I ever wanted...and it's not. 
Erik

Work can be a horrible place, mine is full of male sovernistic pigs who couldn't wait to meet a TS just say they can have a laugh. I dont think I will every beable to come out there and a new life somewhere else in this country is a must. Ow college sounds great. Back to education and I allways wanted to work with animals, they dont judge like people. Just love you for who you are....