I think I have a slightly different view than most, but it's served me well, so I think I'll share.
The longview is dangerous, in my opinion. It can be like staring at the sun if you're not careful. Looking at the end goal is important only for making sure that you are still tracking correctly toward it and to make sure that you don't need to make any adjustments to where it's leading you.
Other than that, staring intently at the end of the road while you take your steps does many things, and not many of them are good. First, it often has the affect of making you think about where you wish you were right now and all the things you coulda/woulda/shoulda done earlier in life, rather than thinking about where you actually are and all the progress you've made to get here. This may not be a popular idea, but I'm going to say it anyway: you are exactly where you should be right now, otherwise you'd be somewhere else =P. There are unending reasons why you didn't take certain steps sooner, almost all of which were well beyond your control. All of those things are part of the hand you were dealt, just like being trans is. Learning to be okay with the cards in your hand is the first step toward acquiring a better set.
Second, there are so many lovely moments along the way that going pedal-to-the-metal-with-a-laser-focus-on-the-goal will deprive you of. Every day has so much beauty in it, and so much of it, almost all of it, is soft-edged and subtle. You'll never see such things unless you slow down and look for them. And by the way, when you do see something beautiful, please make sure to take a moment to appreciate it. People don't do that enough. Anyway, you don't get back any of these moments that zoom on by. Try to enjoy them.
I will admit that pedal-to-the-metal-with-a-laser-focus-on-the-goal will get you on the other side of your physical reconfiguration faster than taking time to smell the roses ever will, as long as you don't crash and burn I guess. But, and I say this as somebody that will absolutely have to have SRS, the aspect of transition that really matters happens between your ears. Being a woman is so much more than just having a vagina. In fact, many FTMs will probably tell you having a vagina has NOTHING to do with being a woman. Your body is simply a physical vehicle that allows you to steer your consciousness through the physical world. Your consciousness is who you actually are. Being a woman (or man) is all about your state of mind and your spiritual and emotional state of being along with the connection those things have with the rest of humanity. My physical appearance makes me no more a woman than driving to work makes me a BMW. Also, being a woman is soooo much more than just your gender identity, by the way. That is something I didn't realize when I started transition.
I am not discounting the importance of the physical transition, let me please make that clear. Getting your body right is an intrinsic aspect of aligning yourself correctly with your identity for a ton of reasons I won't get into now. I don't want to understate the important role SRS has in feeling whole and complete. I am saying, however, that I believe it certainly is NOT the most important aspect of a successful transition, and I am cautioning against viewing it as such.
So anyway, I don't think you want to obtain your correct body before you have found your proper inner state of being, otherwise you risk being a woman only superficially, which isn't far enough removed from being a man in a dress for my comfort. Use the time between now and when you finally complete the physical side of your transition to develop inwardly as a woman. These steps carry every bit as much importance and weight as the step of surgery does.
Developing yourself inwardly as a woman is a time-consuming but immensely rewarding process. It requires heavy introspection and paying attention to so many subtleties both from within and without. Also it means letting those hormones have time to make as many sweeping changes to how your brain works as possible, as this will change EVERYTHING about your perspective. The above steps don't lend themselves to a mad dash to SRS with blinders on. Doing all of that inward work will ultimately result in you having the proper alignment of your identity with your state of mind/being. Then when you get your body fixed, you will truly be complete. Oh, I haven't even mentioned the peace of mind that you probably will find along the way by learning to appreciate all the beautiful moments along the way, nor the childlike wonderment you may find looking at the world through your new, happy eyes.
I know you said that you do try to celebrate the little victories you have, and that is great. Keep doing that. But somehow I have the feeling that focusing too much on the longview and maybe putting a little too much stock in your physical state is behind a lot of your angst. I think I say that because those two things are the ones that always trip me up too. I think I've talked about both plenty for now, but one last thing...
When you finally reach that ultimate goal that you have in mind and your physical transition is complete, then what? Is that the end? Will you then have reached your personal pinnacle? To me, life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey. Enjoy each step you take and each day on Earth you have. Hopefully your journey will not end when you have SRS. Hopefully after you complete that step you will continue to evolve and grow and become a better, more complete woman as time goes by. What you're going through now, these little, frustrating, seemingly invisible steps, are every bit a part of your personal evolution as surgery will be. You're growing from the inside-out, just like you should. You may not be able to see those changes that you make on the inside with your eyes, but believe me they matter more than anything.
Don't hang too much emotion or significance on a certain couple of steps among the countless others you will take in your life, that's my opinion anyway.
