So yesterday I was out after my therapy session kinda and I got called "lady". I got pretty offended yet I didn't correct the woman who told me that. Do you feel the same way? Do you correct people?
Well, honestly I think it's just because I just wore a normal bra as usual - got my binder today actually.
In the same people used male adjectives for me. Makes me very happy

I think the vast majority of the time they never intended to offend you. Either they just thought you were indeed a lady at a quick glance, or that they don't understand transsexuality much still if you had just told them about it, or it just slipped from their mouths because they aren't used to calling you correctly yet! It is not something that can be understood easily by others, nor does one perception of your gender change instantaneously... so if they seem to at least want to try to understand, don't feel offended!

Early in transition I couldn't fault people who didn't know, because to them I looked like a 'lady.'

The thing that bugged the crap out of me was my gender therapist using the wrong pronouns with me. THAT irked me no end.  She knew better, just slip of the tongue, but still...

When I called her out on it she claimed it was because she met me when I was F.  I said no, I was already presenting male when she met me (just happened to look like a lesbian at that time); she never met me as F.  Then I emailed her a pic of when I was F.

So yeah, it depends on who says it.

Now, I'm gay, so when people call me lady I laugh.


Jay

Are you offended if someone waves at you thinking you were their friend?

Like was said earlier, it was not intended to offend.  People who are offended by people who call them by the wrong gender indicator annoy me.  Those people tend to be transgender people.  It should be part of the process of transition to realize you should not be offended if people refer to you one way or another.  I am not a transitioner, and when people call me ma'am, I just laugh.

Just laugh.

Yeah, I had it bad with some doc that I went to see and I told them about this. They still used female adjectives and pronouns. Since I saw that I was being treated that way I continued using female adjectives and pronouns with them while referring to myself. Now I'm glad the doc I saw yesterday treated me well.

And I know it was not meant to, but I still get offended.
What's worse is that a few days ago I opened up to one of my online mates. Thought she was accepting and she was like"I always thought you're a girl". Well, I know I act feminine most of the times - the way I type stuff but still it made me angry.

Well, sorry for annoying you then Sera.

yes, I feel very offended if someone misgenders me. I know I don't really pass but it still eats away at me whether they meant it to be offensive or not. Lady is about the worst thing you could call me. Isn't it only natural to be offended by being misgendered if you are trans* though? (glances at sera)

Quote from: Sera on August 04, 2011, 08:12:02 AM
Are you offended if someone waves at you thinking you were their friend?

I had this happen to me last week.  I was in my car when someone yelled me down.  I was able to hear them because I keep the windows down.  I stopped my car so I could talk to them.  It turns out it was a case of mistaken identity.  It was a little disconcerting, but not terribly offensive.

I view gender in the same way.  It is a case of mistaken identity.  I don't get offended when people use male pronouns, because I still look like a male.  Of course, it will be completely different after my body has changed enough to where I have more feminine characteristics than masculine ones.  If people are still using male pronouns at such a time, I might just have to give them a little talk.  Or I'll just intentionally use the wrong pronouns when referring to them.  I believe that delivering to people what they dish out is the most effective form of justice.

Oddly enough, misgendering doesn't really happen to me over the internet.  Even though I have a masculine personality much of the time, many people I meet still perceive me as female.  I used to play many online games in college, and most of the gamers I met in-game thought I was a girl.

I don't usually get offended unless someone's doing it to be a dick. Or someone's doing it after I've told them not to. (To a lesser degree on that last one, my mom still calls me "girlie" occasionally and while it hurts a bit, I know she's trying).

The last time someone actually called me a girl while I was out in public, I actually had to laugh a bit, because he sounded very...hesitant saying "You two, er, girls have a good night" as we got out of the cab.

It probably helps that I don't go out much. When my family does it, honestly, it just confuses me more than anything (or friends who aren't completely used to it yet). They start saying she, her, her's and I'm sincerely thinking "Who the hell are they talking about?"

Now if someone started trying to 'convert' me or something like that? I'd get pissed as all hell. Because you can't win with those people. Unless they make a way to swap bodies for a day at a time, you can't make them realize, and that pisses me off too.

I get offended even if I know its not to harm.
but the fact is I am very femenine in my look and to be reminded that you look like a girl suchs,
if I correct them saying im a guy it just turn worse because they go like "oh, sorry its becasue you look so girly"
-__- kinda dobble slap..

I accept people who make this if it because they dont know me, or anything like that, but if the person simply dont want to get it then I dont see why I should have respect for this person.

When it comes to joking around with my buddies, I don't get offended at all. Like when my assistance store manager goes "Come on ladies! Pick it up!" and the only people who are working are all guys, I'm like laughing about it. Because I know he respects me with the whole trans thing, and I know for sure it's just something guys do to one another. With my friends, it's the same way - however I have noticed that they're extremely more careful about those kinds of stuff around me since I have came out and started transitioning.

The only time I do get offended is when people purposely call me that. There is a situation at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center where the pharmacists constantly call me by female pronouns even though in the doctor's notes and everything - they know I'm transsexual and that I am transitioning. Not only that I am picking up TESTOSTERONE from them. Some of the pharmacists consistently call me "She" and use female pronouns. I would be so pissed because the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is suppose to be an all around safe environment. Not just for LGBTQ individuals but for everyone!

Yes. I hated that long before transition.

Not offended persay, but I do get pissed off, and I'm not even out yet. I get pissed off at them, and I dunno about the rest of you, but at myself too, for not passing well enough.

Quote from: [CRYPT] Chris on August 04, 2011, 12:14:21 PM
When it comes to joking around with my buddies, I don't get offended at all. Like when my assistance store manager goes "Come on ladies! Pick it up!" and the only people who are working are all guys, I'm like laughing about it. Because I know he respects me with the whole trans thing, and I know for sure it's just something guys do to one another. With my friends, it's the same way - however I have noticed that they're extremely more careful about those kinds of stuff around me since I have came out and started transitioning.

The only time I do get offended is when people purposely call me that. There is a situation at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center where the pharmacists constantly call me by female pronouns even though in the doctor's notes and everything - they know I'm transsexual and that I am transitioning. Not only that I am picking up TESTOSTERONE from them. Some of the pharmacists consistently call me "She" and use female pronouns. I would be so pissed because the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is suppose to be an all around safe environment. Not just for LGBTQ individuals but for everyone!

same, I dont fell offended if it made in a "still somehow boy can use" kind of ways
its not the word but the meaning behind, knowing people refering me as female because thats how they see it, hurt me pretty hard.

Well, I always try to see it from the other person's point of view. There are very few people out there who know anything about transsexuality, and when they used the wrong pronoun they probably weren't even consciously thinking whether you were male or female and were just trying to use a word to refer to you, and that's the natural word that came out of their mouths. Heck, I have a friend who's very supportive of me, and even she still gets it wrong sometimes because she isn't used to it yet!

So, even if you currently feel offended whenever someone uses the wrong term, please try to not feel so next time... it will make you feel better, I promise

As a comparison, imagine that you had a Jewish friend and you started talking about their religion, and you started mentioning God and Yahweh and stuff, and they get offended because you spoke the name of God out loud (even though you didn't know beforehand it isn't supposed to be spoken), and gets angry with you and doesn't talk to you again. Wouldn't you think it's a bit silly that they got offended like that?

A little. It really depends on who it is -- if it's a cashier, I don't care, we'll both forget each other in a few minutes. With family members it irritates me, but I tend not to correct them because it's a waste of breath. Strangely, though, I'm more than willing to correct complete strangers in the presence of friends and/or relatives, calling it a family-only joke, or just giving them a brief description of the situation.

On a trip once, random people at Walmart started commenting on my hair, and I didn't correct their pronouns. However, when we got back to the cabin and I sat around on the playground, I corrected the hoarde of kids that adopted me as a playmate, because I was going to be there a while and going to be interacting with them for longer than an hour. I didn't pass well, but I feel like laughing it off and being confident matters more than a girly face. And they asked if I got that a lot, because my face was femme, and my binder looked like a bra under my thin shirt; one little girl even asked if I was born a girl. I wish I had explained, but I didn't. They he'd me the rest of the time I was there.

I care less about my friends' family, but I do care if my friends use "feminine" pronouns for me in front of the family. It's disrespectful. (Weirdly, my boyfriend's mom thinks it's disrespectful to call me "he", even if I request to be called so in front of her face.)

So I'm a little weird about it... I tend not to correct relatives. It's annoying. And while I feel that it's condescending how my granddad calls me "shug, girlie, baby, etc" while he doesn't call any of my male cousins any of those pet names (does "asstard" count?), I don't mind if it's just me and him. It's embarrassing in front of others >_>; I find it comforting, though.

I correct everyone at school if I care enough. Teachers as well, if I'm going to be in their class for more than one year/semester.

QuoteThe only time I do get offended is when people purposely call me that. There is a situation at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center where the pharmacists constantly call me by female pronouns even though in the doctor's notes and everything - they know I'm transsexual and that I am transitioning. Not only that I am picking up TESTOSTERONE from them. Some of the pharmacists consistently call me "She" and use female pronouns. I would be so pissed because the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is suppose to be an all around safe environment. Not just for LGBTQ individuals but for everyone!

That's a pisser. o_o Have you corrected them at all? Maybe educate them a bit. :shrug:

QuoteAs a comparison, imagine that you had a Jewish friend and you started talking about their religion, and you started mentioning God and Yahweh and stuff, and they get offended because you spoke the name of God out loud (even though you didn't know beforehand it isn't supposed to be spoken), and gets angry with you and doesn't talk to you again. Wouldn't you think it's a bit silly that they got offended like that?

I like this comparison. I'd get so scared if something like that happened XD Because people are different in religion just as in gender. Some people who practice Judaism don't eat kosher, some do, some mix; some Catholics are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQetc rights, etc; some Muslims are feminists, I could go on and offend at least nine people. XD In situations like that it's usually best to ask a person's preference or beliefs. But accidents happen, and it'd be terrible to lose a friend over information one didn't know or didn't think to ask.

I'm thinking that some of the offense comes from working so hard mentally and otherwise with transitioning and the time put into being our true selves. Being called the wrong pronouns ends up being insulting in some instances.

I would be so pissed.
I would probably go home and take it out on myself.

Today I got asked "are you a female?" by the dumbass cop who stopped me for biking without a helmet. But he only asked because he didn't believe my driver's license was mine. So I guess it was half a compliment.
lmao

It would piss me off alot actually.

I don't feel offended exactly, because I can see why in some situations I don't pass. However, sometimes there seems no reason why I wouldn't pass, and then I feel irritated and self-conscious for ages afterwards. I feel especially sad and frustrated if I've made a real effort with my appearance and have felt confident beforehand, and then it's as if there's no point trying.

Well for me its sir and it annoys me when people say i am handsome and stuff because they  may not know but still i dont like being remind how i look !! but hey people cant always be correct